LGAT Comedy Corner - The Passion of Werner Erhard
Posted by: corboy ()
Date: May 28, 2017 06:29AM

The Passion of Werner Erhard

After Werner's death a disconsolate disciple gets shitfaced,
purchases some takeout.

Next morning, when hungover the crapulous disciple
discovers that a stale samosa has taken the form of Werner's visage.

Days pass. The object does not go moldy. Flies avoid it. Vermin drop dead
after taking a nibble.

Throngs of disciples come to visit.

If any skeptic says a bad word about Werner,
the samosa oozes lurid red curry.

If someone praises Werner, the Holy Snack oozes sweet tamarind.

Time goes on. Yet more pilgrims appear and wear deep rut in the carpet
leading to the disciple's bedsit.

The disciple has his building purchased by Landmark and is
kicked out. When he complains, he's told he's running a racket.

With full control of the Saintly Samosa, the entire building is made into a marble shrine. Inside the chapel is windowless, sound proof, all seating arranged to Landmark specifications.

To symbolize how they have been healed, departing disciples
leave behind piles upon piles of discarded tennis rackets.

"seating arranged to Landmark specifications"

Saneagin

[forum.culteducation.com]

Zorro and The Shadow

[forum.culteducation.com]

Bren

[forum.culteducation.com]



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 05/28/2017 11:25AM by corboy.

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Re: LGAT Comedy Corner - The Passion of Werner Erhard
Posted by: kdag ()
Date: May 28, 2017 01:38PM

Samantha, the Center Manager had been away for a training.

When she entered the sacred shrine, she was horrified to see a pile of tennis rackets piled up by the door. The sight made her nearly apoplectic.  Who was responsible for this mess ?!?!?  People must be orderly when dropping their rackets! 

She went into the back office and found a volunteer sap to pick them up, and rearrange them with laser precision.  Another of the volunteers was assigned the task of printing signs, (#30 Calibri font), instructing devotees to please leave their rackets neatly arranged in a fashion congruent with the others. Under the instructions, at the bottom of the signs, (in #36 Calibri font), were the words, "GOT IT?" 

In a blind rage, she stormed into her office, nearly colliding with the incoming Forum Leader, who was to lead the weekend's event. Thank God he hadn't seen that disaster by the door!!!

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The power of humor
Posted by: corboy ()
Date: May 29, 2017 11:04PM


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Re: LGAT Comedy Corner - The Passion of Werner Erhard
Posted by: kdag ()
Date: June 05, 2017 03:02AM

Billie walked quickly to her car. She didn't want Samantha to engage her in conversation.  She was just too exhausted to dodge Samantha's  mental snares at the moment. She knew that Samantha was looking for volunteers for the next seminar, and, if one word passed between them, she would find herself inexplicably roped into the production team.  She needed a break.

She and Kiley had spent the past six hours arranging and rearranging an endless pile of tennis rackets, only to be told that one of the seminar leaders had requested a different pattern. They would start over again at 8:00 a.m.

She needed to talk ~ just not to Samantha, so she had invited Kiley and James for a nightcap, but both had declined, citing a need for sleep. It was 11:35, and the bars would be open for a couple more hours.  The Lucky Shamrock was about 1/4 mile to the West, which was the direction she was headed. She decided to stop in anyway, and see if she saw anyone she knew.  The place was a favorite of people from The Center.

As she pulled into the parking lot, she scanned for familiar vehicles, but didn't see any that she recognized. That was okay ~ she needed a drink!

Inside the bar, she felt her body relax as the first drop of liqueur passed her lips. The sweetness was just what she needed in that moment, and she became aware, for the first time that night, just how low her blood sugar had dropped.  She realized she hadn't eaten in ten hours, so she ordered a Lucky Burger to digest as she slept. She couldn't afford to wake up on an empty tank.  Tomorrow would be tough.

As she ate, she noticed a man at the other end of the bar. She thought that she had felt him staring, and when she looked in his direction, he held her gaze for a moment, before she looked away. She felt a twinge of embarrassment over the savage way that she had devoured her food. She must have looked like a beast in front of everybody. Oh well...


As she got up to head for home, she sensed someone behind her. She turned, and saw the same man who had been staring at her before ~ still staring. 

There was nothing flattering in his gaze. It was a hard stare. The look was clearly not one of lust, but Lugosi-esque, somewhere between confrontational and predatory. She tried to look away, but he moved to stay in front of her eyes. She COULDN'T look away.  She felt a prickle at the back of her neck, and told herself to stay calm. She would see what he wanted. There were other people around. She should be safe.


She introduced herself, "I'm Billie."
He nodded, still staring. "What's your name, if I may ask?" 

"Holden," he replied.

"Is there anything I can do for you, Holden?"

"No.  You just drew my interest. It looked like you hadn't eaten in days."

"More like ten hours."

He nodded. "Fascinating..."

"How do you figure?"

"It just reminded me of something; like aliens consuming mass quantities..."

"The X-Files???"

"No. Saturday Night Live, but the X-Files are better! Lots of truth in that show. So why were you so busy?" His eyes twinkled.

"Why do you assume I was busy?"

"You're out late at night, and haven't eaten in 10 hours."

She noticed the time, and excused herself to go home.

She took a winding route home, with her eye on the rear-view mirror, but saw no sign of being followed. By the time she crawled into bed, she had all but forgotten the conversation.

*************************************

It was Saturday morning at The Center. Billie and Kylie had made a frantic effort to arrange the tennis rackets to the specifications of the seminar leader. At 20 minutes to 9:00, they had snagged James walking by, and the three of them got it done just before Samantha showed up to nod her approval.

It was now 8:55, and people were milling around the seminar room deciding where to sit, with course supervisors herding them toward the front. Others were desperately trying to get in last-minute bathroom breaks. They were to have taken a seat by 9:00.

At 8:59. Billie took a deep breath, and relaxed for a moment. Everything had passed inspection,  and the program would start momentarily. 

Suddenly, she heard a gasp from the back of the room, and whirled around to see  Vickie, the Course Supervisor who was  ashen, and speeding up the aisle toward the front of the room. She followed her gaze, and then she saw it ~ one of the guests had lifted the acrylic cover protecting the Sacred Samosa. He had broken off a corner of the Holy Treat, and, as if in slow motion, it was traveling toward his mouth!!! 

Billie launched herself toward the front of the room, just as the second hand closed on the 12, and the Seminar Leader strutted up to the podium with an uncharacteristically befuddled look on his face.

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Re: LGAT Comedy Corner - The Passion of Werner Erhard
Posted by: kdag ()
Date: June 07, 2017 03:58AM

To All ~


I think what corboy had in mind, (correct me if I'm wrong), was that anybody could contribute to this thread. As a work of fiction, (parody), and any resemblance to real people, living or dead being purely coincidental, it is a pretty safe format.

The idea comes from this notorious book, which was passed around to 24 different authors:

[en.m.wikipedia.org]

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