Hi everyone,

On Monday night, my fiancé and I completed a five-day intro course with an offshoot of Lifespring in Orange County, California. This whole week, I have been having an extreme trauma reaction to the training. I have felt unsafe, scared, hypervigilant, and panicky all week.

I am gradually beginning to feel better, but my fiancé is planning to do the next level training and I am scared. Because I was not feeling safe (I was of course not fearing any type of physical violence, but I just felt generally creeped out) around him this week, I went to go stay with a friend. He is currently staying at our apartment.

I miss him so much. I have cried and cried and begged him not to do the training, and still he insists that it is not a cult and it is making him happy so he wants to do it. Part of me thinks maybe I should just accept that he's going to be involved with this for at least a little while, and just learn to live with it and cope with it. Maybe I am overreacting even. But I can't help feeling creeped out/on guard when I'm around him.

Last night I was thinking about coming back home for a little bit to spend some time with him. I asked if he had a lot of work to do and he said yes but he would "create time" to hang out with me. I freaked out because that expression was such a big part of the training we did and I just felt like I wouldn't be able to handle hanging out with him.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation? I am so scared and exhausted and I don't know what to do. I don't know if I am overreacting and if I should just be okay with this program that he says is making him so happy, or if I should be super concerned.

His sister and one of his best childhood friends are also extremely concerned about him. But he is spending most of his time with his friends and co-workers who are in the program, and they are saying it's great he's doing the program because he's finally learning to form his own opinions and act independently of what anyone else thinks.

I don't know what to do. I would really really appreciate any advice or support.

-Emily

Hi Emily,

His behavior sounds very familiar to me. My former friends behaved the same way after deepening their participation in a similar LGAT.

I can't advise you well about how to deal with your boyfriend. There are many threads here, both about recovery, and from people who are dealing with loved ones who have become caught up in these groups.

First of all, if it were me, I would first deal with my own reaction to the program, (it's the whole example of putting on your own oxygen mask before assisting others). It sounds as if participation was not beneficial to you, to say the least. In my humble opinion, it was probably not beneficial for your boyfriend, either, but if he thinks it was, convincing him may be tough. The last thing that LGATS do is to teach people to think for themselves. They tend to derail ones capacity for critical thinking, causing frustration and confusion.

I will find, and paste links, to some threads which might be helpful. Be back soon.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/25/2017 10:15AM by kdag.

Thank you so, so much. It is so wonderful to know I am not alone in this, and that I am not just being some crazy controlling terrible fiancé for freaking about about his participation in this program.

I look forward to seeing some links that may be helpful.

Emily,

On the last page of this thread, (which I am trying to paste directly), here are some links pasted by Rick Ross about recovery.
[forum.culteducation.com]

Also, his book, "Cults Inside Out,"is great. He has a chapter on LGATS, and i have found that many of the manipulative techniques mentioned in the rest of the book also apply to LGATS. I would highly recommend reading it.


Also, if you scroll down just a couple of entries, you will see a very large thread about Lifespring. It has apparently harmed many. I know that people who were involved in Lifespring have posted fairly recently, and may be able to help with specifics.

LGATs ARE very hard on all types of relationships, and you may be able to show your boyfriend how it has hurt his relationships with you, and also his friends.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/25/2017 10:34AM by kdag.

Emily,

This part: "His sister and one of his best childhood friends are also extremely concerned about him. But he is spending most of his time with his friends and co-workers who are in the program, and they are saying it's great he's doing the program because he's finally learning to form his own opinions and act independently of what anyone else thinks."

That's big part of it. His LGAT friends and coworkers are most likely "love-bombing" him, and making him feel popular and important.

You might be able to explain to him that it's not real, but is very typical of LGATS. Then, when he is hooked, they will start to devalue him, and only give him attention and praise when he does, (or professes to think), what they want him to, or toes the line. But the rewards will decrease as the demands on his time, energy, and money increase. It's a vicious cycle. It draws people further and further into their control.

Emily, you have my deepest sympathy as I went through the same difficulty you are going through (see my contribution to "LGAT in Concord" thread, p. 4-5), and your boyfriend is being sucked into a quasi-cult and your intuition is correct. Learn more about what you and your boyfriend have gotten into from the resources on this forum and how to protect yourself because you are not alone.

The people running the scam are heartless and evil and are in it only for the money, and they don't care who they destroy to get what they want. You need to be strong in standing up to this abuse by knowing that the trainers are evil scoundrels who won't tell you their last names or their qualifications. If you want honest help then you and your boyfriend need it from licensed people with professional credentials after their last names which are posted on an office door. Fast-talking strangers cannot be trusted.

Emily-

You need to File a complaint with your state attorney general and also the Federal Trade Commission. The more consumer complaints they receive about these types of "businesses" the more they will investigate.