The following contribution is being written by my wonderful wife. Over a year and a half ago our lives were turned upside down when I discovered what kind of group FOW (Sterling Institute of Relationship) was all about. I learned a lot about the organization through painstaking, detailed research... fast reading! I did not have much time (I felt) as my wife was farther away from me and closer to "these Sterling women". Our communication was diffiuclt as she shared our personal lives with others, and I wanted a close marriage in which husband and wife were best friends and lovers... true partners, CONFIDANTS. In the FOW, it is taught that women should "share only with women". I found that to be such bull, and the hardships that we faced because of the association of Sterling's teachings in our life made our daily life together extremely tough, and tenuous. I am a very lucky guy to be married to such a great and brave lady who has fought her way hard out of the controls of this rotten group and the evil of this clinically untrained, egotistical, ass, Sterling.

Hello everybody out there wondering if Justin Sterling is really toxic, well as a former member since 1994 when I was quite young I would say the answer is YES. I will tell you, for myself, why this is true. I was the perfect victim for the Sterling Women's Weekend a the time, I had recently broken up with my first love, was unemployed and lived with my parents. I was in pain and completely lost. My sponsor was called my Big Sister, which I never had so that sounded good to me, someone to watch out for me and my welfare. Unfortunately my admiration for her was aquired through her persuading me with her ability to connect with me on an emotionally intimate level that the Women's Weekend and FOW had benefitted her and how it would benefit me. I believed her and I wanted that positive change too. I did not know that she was merely giving up her mind and ability to THINK FOR HERSELF and was merely acting as a BIG FOLLOWER and not a leader as she thought she was. I did not realize how manipulative and controlling the entire organization really was clouding it all as to be a benefit to me.

I was involved for a good straight 4 years then took a 5 year break but was still single and depressed and so one of my closest, well-meaning friends suggested I "Review" the weekend and come back, and with no other hope on the horizon I said I would do it again. And I did, but after 1 year, I left again feeling that it was not for me , however I remained close to many women who always commented on how they missed me and I should come back! So, when I got married I listened to "THEM" and NOT MYSELF and went back again briefly until my husband showed me it was a detriment to be part of that organization.

WHAT I LEARNED AFTER LEAVING WAS THIS: EVERYTHING IS SET UP TO BENEFIT THE LEADER, JUSTIN STERLING, ALL THE VOLUNTEERS WHO WORK FOR FREE- RECRUITING AND RUNNING WEEKENDS- THE WEEKENDS THEMSELVES ARE STRATEGICALY SET UP TO BREAK YOU DOWN AND BUILD YOU UP, AS IF MAKING YOU 'BETTER' . AND "THE WEEKEND" IS GIVEN ALL THE CREDIT. THERE IS A TREMENDOUS AMOUNT OF SOCIAL PRESSURE THROUGH THE CLOSE TIES MADE WITH THE OTHER PARTICIPANTS. HEALTHY BOUNDARIES ARE CUT AWAY AND UNHEALTHY BOUNDARIES ARE BUILT UP TO KEEP MEMEBERS ISOLATED FROM THEIR OWN PERSONAL IDEOLOGIES, FAMILIES, AND VALUES. I WAS TAUGHT TO CONFIDE IN "THE WOMEN" NOT MY HUSBAND. I WAS TAUGHT MEN CAN'T UNDERSTND EMOTIONS AND CAN NOT ARTICULATE THEMSELVES. JUSTIN DUMB DOWN'S HIS MEN BY LIFTING THEM UP ON THE PREMISE THAT THEY CAN'T RELATE TO THEIR WIVES AND TELLS THEM TO STOP EVEN LISTENING TO THEM ALTOGETHER. PEOPLE FOLLOW JUSTIN'S WORDS TRULY WITHOUT QUESTION AND ARE 200% ENCOURAGED TO PASS IT ON. TO CONSTANTLY TALK ABOUT IT WITH EACH OTHER, AS WELL AS, WITH NEW RECRUITS WITHOUT QUESTIONING ANYTHING. IT TAKES ON ALIFE OF ITS OWN AND YOU LOSE YOURN SENSE OF SELF AND MOST IMPORTANTLY YOU UNKONWLING GIVE UP THINKING FOR YOURSELF!

I was very young when I joined and my Mother was an old EST fan and so she also did not question anything! Groups like these have some benefits yet, these do NOT outweigh the harm done. Yes it is nice to have close women friends, but to use them as your source of guidance through difficult emotional issues better resolved with trained clinical experts is harmful. And this harm lasts a long time until you realize that the Group and it's ideas did not solve the issues for you.

No doubt it is painful to realize you have been duped and to lose the"friends" you have confided in, but it is healthier to THINK FOR YOURSELF, TO QUESTION AUTHORITY AND TO LEARN HEALTHY BOUNDARIES. In a cult there are no healthy boundaries, . This did not phase me as I did not grow up in a house with healthy boundaries. I am just now learning through exit counseling with a well trained clinical social worker. This is the healthiest therapy I have ever had.

I RECOMMEND READINGS FROM THE ICSA WEBSITE AS WELL AS SOME BASIC BOOKS ON CULTS ie "CULTS IN OUR MIDST" BY MARGARET SINGER.

PLEASE, PLEASE WRITE IN TO ADD YOUR EXPERIENCES SO OTHERS WILL NOT FEEL ALONE. AND TO HELP US UNDERSTAND WHAT WE HAVE GONE THROUGH AS FORMER MEMBERS OF THESE LGATS.

Bump

I would like to know if anyone has any recent experiences with Family of Women and Justin Sterling?

It's been a long time since my last post on this subject and I wonder if anything has changed via organization structure , recruitment mechanisms, mind control techniques, or otherwise. Or, if it worked for Sterling before, why should he rebuild the machine?

Comments are welcome!

I wanted to write again because so much time has passed since I originally wrote and I have gained even more perspective and understanding of my experiences and my behaviors. My original post in Oct 2008 was at the start of very healthy therapy for the first time with a LCSW who had clinical experience with ex-cult members. I completed 3 years of it this past March. I am so happy to see how many people read my entry. I thank you Rick Ross for keeping this site available and for recently posting Sterling Comments on one page.

Again, I am so lucky to have been able to go to a trained therapist who helped me see how the Group structure and social system influenced me. How I began to doubt myself and disregard my intuition. How being in the Family of Women in no way helped me deal with emotions, pains and losses I suffered in my life before the weekend. The real reasons I was searching for help to begin with.

When I see that Sterling is still doing Weekends and preying on people with troubles, I get deeply angry and not sure how to direct it. I understand that the 'friends' I had in the group have been victims too. Unfortuantely they continue to perpetuate the destructive forces that break people down and replace their beliefs with Bulls--t! Pure B.S.

Please anyone who is considering doing the Sterling Weekend or knows people invovled in the Family of Women, gently acknowledge what they feel are the benefits, but then ask them to Question, Question, Question! And to realize strangers will soon know their deepest fears and pains but not thru a trial of tested frienship but thru contrived experiences. Experiences which strip away people's individuality and devalue critical thinking. Someone who wants you to do the weekend is only saying what they have been trained to say and are constantly being coached on how to deal with peoples' "barriers".

The Enrollment process is run by an entire team of people who have weekly, if not more, meetings about how it is going. They teach you to "love bomb" as Dr. Margaret Singer explains. "This is a technique to pull in victims with the lure of sugar".

I do not speak to anyone I used to know from the Family of Women, however one of them tried contacting me a few times which included her writing me a card that stated how much she loved me and hoped my dreams were coming true... I felt that it was manipulation with an agenda! People with years under their belt from these groups do not realize that they are spinning their wheels, spewing what others tell them is 'right'. They are taught to do something for others like community service, but it is merely selfish- to enroll more participants!

In this entry I want people to be warned of the danger signs that people in these groups use lingo and they don't understand it because it is nonsense. Once you emerge into this lingo world you can just use lingo to explain other lingo and then people will say "I GET IT! I REALLY GET IT!" which is more lingo. You end up turning your own way of thinking off.

Please know that if you have never had healthy boundaries in your relationships, these groups won't seem strange, but isn't that strange when you never had healthy relationships before? Why when looking for help would you want to repeat the same things? Well, it is human nature to gravitate towards the familiar. (I am speaking as a lay person not a credited socioligist or psychologist).

I urge anyone in the groups to leave them, acknowledge the positive, because there always is some, but then leave and quickly seek licensed professional help to understand your issues. Do not allow your vulnerable friends to talk you into trusting this sick man "Sterling" to fix your life. Research and ask questions! Your friends are victims too!