Our roommate will be coming home, for dinner at least, tomorrow night. He's been staying with a little pod girl during the advanced course (he went home between basic and advanced and went straight to advanced, staying with this girl he met in basic). We haven't seen him except for a few minutes for two weeks. He was a bit lost after basic, but I fear he will be totally gone by the end of tonight's "class."

Does anyone have any suggestions about dealing w/him tomorrow. I think he's only coming home tomorrow because I'm cooking and he likes my cooking. I had also promised to make him his favorite dessert someday and I put it on the menu.

Our other roommate has decided to give up on him totally, she's disgusted that he got himself sucked in. I refuse to let him get lost if there's something I can do.

I'd appreciate any suggestions.

P.S. He knows what we both think of LGAT's

Wow. That's a tough one. Assuming it is similar to other LGATS, the "advanced training" is traumatic, abusive, and psychologically devastating - sort of like boot camp - and with the same sort of agenda, that being to disabuse someone of their previous "identity," habits, responses, thinking style, and personality, and mold them into a new "group" mentality.


Though they must make every attempt to disguise the "damage," it might be almost like living with someone you don't know, someone who has suffered a head injury or who is losing his mind in early Alzheimer's or, what they used to call, dementia praecox. (I would say it was like living with an alcoholic or drug user but at least with an addict, they are sober some of the time.) Remember the military inducements targeting the young with a handsome man in uniform and the promise, "The Changes Are Permanent?" It's like that.


I don't know what I would do. Looking back, I would probably move out, move away, or attempt to put as much geography as I could between myself and the other person. That might not be difficult if he (she) is truly sucked in and knows you are critical of the group, as he will become more and more distant even if neither of you moves.


Just as some vague background material, Lifespring was even scarier than est in some disturbing ways I'm not sure I can articulate. They might have taken the whole "choice" thing a little more literally or something. As I recall, someone jumped into a river and drowned during a Lifespring training. He didn't know how to swim and thought he could just "choose" to swim, or something. There was a 60 Minutes-type expose on the group back in the 1970s or 80s. They actually closed shop for a while, but, like some kind of noxious weeds, insects, or vermin, they are ever seeking opportunities (~possibilities~).


Knowing what I now know, I can see some other options for you if you don't want to move, but it will take some labor. If you can, try to provide a "reality check" with as little criticism, impatience, or digust as you can. Be firm, but friendly, knowing that the indoctrination and new personality are similar to a disease or mental illness. If you are "non-threatening," when the inevitable disillusion appears he will feel comfortable asking you for information. It may take awhile and you may have to endure a lot of proselytizing, many lectures, and much "coaching."


Though "fans" of these groups like to claim that most people who take the "programs" are benefitted, improve their lives, have fewer problems and better "attitudes," I do not believe this. In my opinion, the supposed "improvements" are cosmetic, illusory, and mostly short-lived. I think even those who appear to be minimally affected can have deeper and more covert damage done to their emotional or psychological health that will only play out over the long term in ways known and unkown only in retrospect and speculation. I would like to think this is not always the case but I have seen that the effort to overcome the damage these programs can inflict to be herculean. Imagine, if I can use a simple example, that someone operating with the basic assumption that most people mean well, are honest, and will treat you fairly has that assumption psychologically "reprogrammed" to an assumption that most people are only out for themselves, will take advantage of you if you're not careful, and that "it's a dog-eat-dog world." How might that person's behavior change? I think you can see the implications.

Good luck to you. Keep us informed.


Ellen

why not talk to your room mate when they return, discuss your concern openly and see what happens ?
If you really care for this person hear them out before making a decision. :lol:

only works if they're capable of listening and respecting your concerns even if you do not share their belief system.

The problems reported most frequently on the RR.com board are from partners and roomates dealing with someone who has returned 'high' and indoctrinated from mass marathon trainings, who proslytizes aggressively, becomes rude and aggressive when people refuse to join them in their belief system.

Hearing things out only works when both parties are in good faith and can continue to relate and respect each other, even when belief systems are different.

That ability to respect someone who disagrees is what's often lost after someone goes through a mass marathon training.

We have actually been able to have discussions and agreed to disagree. Basically not talk about it. He didn't go on to the Leadership Program.

He did, however, "fall in love" at the first round and spends most of his time with the girl (who also goes to his school). We have noticed he's pretty much himself when she is not up at our place, but when she's there, there's a weird vibe, he's very quiet, little communication with us.

I'm wondering if this is not only because they're "in love" but the programming kicks in when they're together. He also told me he didn't know his trigger word, that they wouldn't tell him what it is. That's SO creepy and awful. What does the word trigger exactly?

I keep reminding myself that even though he didn't go on to the next thing, he did go through the first two, so they have to continue to have influence on him. I have to say the light has gone out of him, as well as his really warm sense of humor.

But I do care for him, so I try to bite my tongue, and squelsh the hurt that we aren't going to share the kind of friendship we had before PD.