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I don't think that is what is being said at all. I think he is saying that parents should proceed with caution and recognize they are in a very vulnerable position. I certainly don't think anyone is saying you shouldn't try to help your children.

Here is something else posted on that site about the rights of parents:
[www.coping.org]


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These rights are a summary of the article "Twelve Parental Rights" written by Kay Ferrell, a parent. It first appeared in the November 1985 issue of The Exceptional Parent.

Have you wondered what is the best way to act now that my child's special needs have been identified? Do I have rights? Do I have a say in how my child will be treated from now on? Must I sit back passively while others tell me what to do? Here is a list of rights of a parent whose child has been diagnosed as having a disability. This list of rights has been identified over the years by parents of children with special needs:

The right to feel angry

Nothing in life prepares one for having a child with a disability. When it is your child, it seems all the more unfair. You did not ask for this, and there is very little you can do about it. Your sense of control over your life and the life of your child is at risk. Be angry, but use your anger to get the best services you can for your child.

The right to seek another opinion

It makes good sense to seek a second opinion before having surgery, before investing money, or before buying a used car. It should be no different for you and your child, whether you are looking for medical care or an educational program. If you hear of a new treatment that might help your child, why shouldn't you look into it? Times change and so do treatment modalities.

The right to privacy

The privacy of each family member can be jeopardized simply by the presence of a child with a disability. Suddenly a series of professionals examine, give advice, and sometimes even judge the actions of individual family members. One parent said that the hardest part for her was having to turn to experts: "it was difficult to have to have someone tell me what to do with my child'' Some aspects of your life are simply no one else's business. If you do not want to give interviews, or have your child's picture taken, it is your right to refuse.

The right to keep trying

Although parenting is not easy, all parents do the best job they can. It can become harder when well-meaning friends and professionals pronounce that you have set goals that your child will never be able to reach, or that you must stand back and accept the fact your child has multiple problems and will never be able to develop normally. There is nothing wrong with you if you are unwilling to give up. If your child has the potential for learning, no one knows what event or combination of events will make the difference for the child. If the others turn out to be right, so what? You will have the knowledge that you did your best for your child.

The right to stop trying

Well-meaning friends and professionals have also told parents that they do not work often enough or long enough with their disabled children. ''If you would just do this at home for 15 minutes a day and on the weekends, it would make such a difference.''

The truth is that it could just as easily make no difference.

You are the one who lives with your child.

You are the one who is being asked to do one more thing.

You are the one who feels as if you are expected to accomplish at home what trained teachers have not been able to accomplish at school. If you just cannot do it tonight, okay! That is your decision.

The right to set limits

There are limits to what one person can do. Don't expect yourself to think about your child incessantly. Your child shouldn't expect to be the center of attention. You have limits, and your child has limits. Learn to recognize both, and give yourself a chance to examine the situation before responding in anger or fatigue. You don't have to be a ''super parent.''

The right to be a parent

Teachers and therapists who work with children with disabilities and their families often give parents activities to do at home.

Remember, you are mommy and daddy first. You cannot expect to be a teacher or therapist all the time.

Even your child's teacher or therapist cannot teach or treat all the time. (If you ask them, the teacher and therapist would probably admit that they are great at teaching or treating other people's kids, but they can't do a thing with their own.) You and your child need time to fool around, giggle, tickle, tell stories, laugh, and just do nothing. Those times are just as much a part of your child's ''education and treatment'' as the time you spend on scheduled activities.

The right to be unenthusiastic

No one expects you to be ''turned on'' all the time. Sometimes you feel sad, you feel sick, or you're worried about money, or your child. If other people take that as a sign that you're "not adjusting'' or that you're ''not accepting your child's situation,'' that is their problem. No one is excited about work every day; it can be tedious one day and new and interesting the next. The same is true of parenting. There will be days when your child thrills you and then days when parenting will seem like the most boring task on earth, You have a right to be 'up'' sometimes and "down" at other times.

The right to be annoyed with your child

There are days when you like your child and days when you don't, but that does not mean that you don't love your child. Children with disabilities are just as capable of being ornery as other children, and they should be disciplined You may feel extremely guilty about doing it, but your child will benefit and greet you the next morning as though nothing had happened.

The right to time off

You need time to yourself, time with your spouse or partner and other adult family members, and just plain time without kids.

Many parents describe a tremendous feeling of freedom the first time they went alone to the grocery store after their child was born, even though they were doing a chore, and even though they didn't talk to anyone but the checkout clerk. There are many parts to your life. Each part deserves as much attention and nurturing as does your target child. This refueling will benefit your child in the long run.

The right to be the expert-in-charge

You know your child better than anyone else. You spend the most time with, you have lived with , you know what works and what doesn't with your child. Teachers and therapists come and go, but you are the expert with the experience and first-hand knowledge about your child. You have the right to be in charge of your child's educational, developmental, social, and medical decisions, at least until the child is able to make them as an adult.

Professionals do not live with the consequences of their decisions, so while you might want their opinions, remember that they are only opinions and not facts. They cannot tell you: "that you're wrong," "that you will regret it," "that you're selfish," or "that you're not looking far enough ahead."

Nor should they make you feel guilty or pressure you into a decision. Parents are the single most important resource that children have.

The right to dignity

These parental rights boil down to the right to be respected and treated as an equal. You expect to be neither pitied nor admired, but you expect to be listened to and supported in a nonjudgmental way.

You expect to be treated the same, whether or not your child has a disability. You expect the truth from the doctors, teachers, social workers, and therapists who are there to help you.

From your friends, neighbors, and family members, you deserve a chance to be someone other than just the ''parent of a child with a disability.'' You deserve to know why the doctor is looking into or exploring some part of your child's body. If the reason is not voluntarily given, ask.

You deserve the courtesy of having professionals who visit your home arrive promptly for appointments. If a teacher or therapist is repeatedly late with no satisfactory excuse, call the program supervisor and ask why.

You deserve to be talked to as an adult. If you feel a teacher or a therapist is talking down to you, speak up and tell them so.

Sometimes, when you are the parent of a child with a disability, you have to risk being aggressive and, sometimes, even rude in order to obtain the dignity that is your right and your due.

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Their motto is `Son-Rise: The Miracle Continues.' And they shouldn't promise miracles ... People are insane over it and really believe in it, and if you criticize it they say you don't understand. It's kind of a cult thing."

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U.S. expert brings hope to autistic kids

By Sarah Bronson May.28, 2004 | 12:00 AM

The range of treatment options for autistic children in Israel has widened with the recent immigration of Tali Berman, the first resident of Israel who is certified to teach the controversial Son-Rise method for persons with autism and PDD (pervasive development disorder).

Berman, who hails from Kansas City and Philadelphia, recently completed a four-year Massachusetts-based course in Son-Rise methodology. The method has devoted fans worldwide who swear by its effectiveness, as well as impassioned critics who point to the lack of scientific evidence backing the claims for the technique.

The Son-Rise method was developed 25 years ago by the Kaufman family of western Massachusetts, whose son had been diagnosed with autism. Today, the Kaufmans run the Option Institute, which includes a center for families who come for several weeks at a time to learn the Son-Rise methodology. According to the Kaufmans, their son's treatment in their home-based program was so successful that he later attended an Ivy League university and reportedly shows no sign of his former challenges.

Berman, who became intrigued by the Son-Rise method when a child she knew attended the Option Institute and made impressive progress, explained that while most autism interventions focus on training the child to stop engaging in inappropriate behaviors and to learn new skills, Son-Rise is marked by a focus on joining the child in his unusual behavior, in order to help them connect with others on their own terms and gain a desire to learn social skills for their own sake. Also, rather than work with the child directly, Son-Rise instructors such as Berman work instead with the parents, training them to execute the method themselves in their own home.

`A cult thing'

However, unlike more popular methods such as Applied Behavioral Analysis (ABA), Son-Rise has no empirical data to back up its claims, explained Adam Sacks, the founder of TOMI, a nonprofit organization that raises awareness about autism in Israel. According to him, "Option more than anyone gives false hopes. Their motto is `Son-Rise: The Miracle Continues.' And they shouldn't promise miracles ... People are insane over it and really believe in it, and if you criticize it they say you don't understand. It's kind of a cult thing."

Since the causes of autism are still unknown, says Barbara Shipper, a social worker at the Galilee's Mifneh center for Autism in Rosh Pinah, "anybody who wants to make a statement and says `I have the cure' is free to do so, and they do."

Still, families from all over the world have flocked to Massachusetts, at great financial cost, to attend the Option Institute's three-week program, including approximately 40 Israeli families. A few years ago, 10 Israeli families were so eager to try the technique that they arranged for Son-Rise instructors to come here to work with them, but the arrangement was dropped due to lack of funds.

Koby Feldman, who attended the Option Institute 16 years ago with his son Rafael, told Anglo File, "It was revolutionary for us in many aspects of our lives. We learned to accept our son as a unique human being ... We learned there were ways of communicating with him, that he can learn. I don't know how much Rafael changed, but my wife and I changed dramatically." Today, at 18, Rafael is a high-functioning young man who interacts well with others, though he still requires special services.

To her critics, Berman responds that she is not claiming to offer a miracle cure. "We are not going to guarantee to any parent that your child will do this in six months or that in 12 months," she says. "We can only say that this is what is possible for your child, based on what we've seen." Berman adds that she encourages her clients to combine Son-Rise with other plans, such as changes in diet, and that it is possible for a child to be in another Special Education program in the morning and live in a Son-Rise environment at home.

More choice

The main problem with Son-Rise, says Dorit Dror, an information specialist for Alut, an umbrella organization for autism services in Israel, is simply that "you can't measure [its success]. If a parent tells me that their son or daughter has made great progress, I believe it and the mission is accomplished. But I'd like to see more scientific evidence."

In Israel, the most widely available treatment for autism is ABA, a scientifically proven technique which is used in government-subsidized and private special education programs nationwide, sometimes in combination with other methods.

There is also Mifneh, which was founded in 1987 by Hannah Alonim; she created her own unique treatment method after researching different techniques, including Son-Rise, all over the world. The technique was recently exposed to scientific research and found to be effective. Mifneh hosts all family members of the autistic child, including siblings, for a three-week intensive period and then tracks the family as they integrate their reciprocal play therapy (RPT) program in the home. Families have come to Mifneh for help from Europe, Australia, the U.S., and Canada.

Although Berman cannot offer all the services of Option's intensive three-week live-in program, she says she will work with families individually to create treatment plans for their children. Even critics of Son-Rise, who often cited Option's high cost as a primary drawback, admitted that Berman's fee of 145 NIS per hour is within the market rate.

Ultimately, say experts, it is up to parents to research their choices and choose the one that works best for them, be it Son-Rise, ABA, Mifneh, or another treatment plan. "At one time, if you had an autistic child in Israel, there was nothing you could do," Sacks says. "What's nice in the broadest sense [about Son-Rise being available here] is that people want to do something, and there are choices in therapies. Some people don't like ABA; they don't think it meets their family's needs. It is a positive thing that they have a choice."