hi

im bummed because another womens weekend is going on right now in newburgh ny

my guy and i are still on our roller coaster, i wish i were a different person and could just "let go"

but i can't.

if only, everything would be easier. we could have an awesome superficial life, he even wants to socialize with

some of these people, he Wants me to meet some of them. maybe im crazy, but that freaks me right out.

just something i've been thinking,

around the same time he did this weekend, i just so happened to read an article on wt loss hypnosis.

i bought the book and accompanying cd, read it, and listened to the 3 part cd 3 times, 1st part was about fixing

what i could from my past so that i could "move on"

2nd part was about the present

3rd part was about the future, and envisioning yourself as a "new" person

the 3rd part was supposed to be listened to for 21 days, i only listened once.

heres my point. i read a book, and spent a total 60 minutes under "hypnosis" so to speak, the 1st and 3rd times i

was fully conscious, did not go under.

the present part of it i remember "waking up"

since doing that, i have lost 35 lbs, something ive wanted to do for 3 1/2 years, am eating better and exercising

alot of the time.

So ok, something motivated me

60 minutes of hypnosis? maybe.

but if its that effective, i can only imagine what a sleep deprived 50 hr interval with app 3 hrs sleep in which

altered states of consciousness are induced, along with justin sterling ranting his polluted rhetoric would do to a

persons mind

my guy is really not changed much (to me), although he definitely is NOT mentally sharper,

it's like he's overtired all the time (not unlike before, but more so now)

is establishing bonds with various members of his group, feels better than he used to,

etc etc.

but i tell him over and over that he gave away his brain on that weekend, and doesnt realize it.

he looks at info i show him , but adamantly denies he was "altered" in any way.


i do feel my little hypnosis wt loss sessions unlocked something in me that enabled me to get the ball rolling.

but having your subconscious mind pummeled in a 50 hr period with whatever sterling feeds into it terrifies me.

and i keep telling him he should be pretty freaking angry that he was manipulated into a situation as this, but he

DOES NOT SEE IT THAT WAY

anyone have any thoughts?

by the way, im keeping the women in that nasty place with that dirty little man in my thoughts and prayers.

cherish your freedom, everybody

an open letter to my PM buddy:

please PM me so that i know youre ok, have you checked your messages recently?