That being said, I'd still take the advice of Rick Ross and the person who posted the "Warning to All Women: Stay Away from Men in the Sterling Men" (or whatever it was titled) to not associate with men from that organization.

I don't know if your question "Has anything "Sterling" directly affected you in your life? Or friends/relatives?" was directed at me or at all readers in general, but to answer anyway: Only in a very limited capacity, but that has been more than enough.

The guy I was dating was part of my extended social circle. He is a "lone wolf" who shows up to our various functions and helps out. He's a very charming, charismatic, fun-loving, good-looking individual who everyone likes but knows little to nothing about. He is very secretive and I was the first person from our crowd to penetrate his private life to any degree. Most of the small handful of people I told about his cult associations ( -- he's not just involved in Sterling) were, for the most part, shocked and horrified. However, when I brought the topic up with one of my friends who is having problems with his marriage, concidentally, he had just been approached about atttending a men's gathering by this guy the night before. Of course, my friend was given no details, just the usual manipulative "XXXX, do you trust me?" bs line. While we were still going out, he actually told me that he had taken another one of our acquaintances to a "men's weekend", but I have been reluctant to ask this person or his wife about the details for fear that this could be a deeply personal and embarrassing subject for them; they also have problems and I'm not inclined to overstep social propriety.

I know this Sterling Guy is active in a variety of different social circles, and I assume his hyper-social lifestyle (which seems to force him to travel endlessly across several states) has to do with the constant pursuit of new enrollees. Within my social circle, he clearly targeted the most emotionally vulnerable men who he perceived to have the most financial resources. From what I witnessed, he is a social predator. So, my experience with Sterling is limited, but I care about my friends and I don't like having a wolf in our midst preying on those he sees as easy targets, especially if the message he is passing along is that it's okay to treat your woman like a second-class citizen and a piece of meat.

Hey Dave,

Really appreciate your up-front honesty on what Sterling has been like for you. For me, I'd rather have the unvarnished truth over a carpet bombing raid of bad-stuff stories. Just whatever happened, and no more no less.

I think I can speak for the others in saying that in the end all we desire for is to know the simple truth.

Keep posting. You're good value.

John

Nancy,

That seems to be the pattern. Find vulnerable men and convince them to do The Weekend so that they can have Justin's approval. FYI: I do not blame you for wanting to steer clear of a 'Sterling Man.' Many have a bad reputation. You are a woman, you posess intuition men do not have, you know a good man when you see/meet one. I think you will do the right thing.

The "Do you trust me" line is BS. And if Sterling helped this man and his relationship problems it would probably be temporary. It is not a 'one-size-fits-all' sort of thing. The good I got was temporary. And the real goal of Sterling was very clear to me. Enroll, enroll, enroll. Once you do not, you are pushed out.

It is my opinion that this Sterling-man-friend-of-yours is somehat brainwashed at the mment and will snap out of it in a while. Months, maybe a year. That is the pattern of most men I have known. They slowly see the light and exit once they feel like a pawn. The atmosphere is often antagonistic and unpleasant.

I read some posts by a Sterling man on this site. I believe they were dated 2004. Where is this man now? Long gone is my guess. And probably unwilling to show himself on this site again. FYI: When I say 'brainwashed' it is not like Manchurian Candidate.

I have met good men there. The one I am closest with left the organization very quickly and says "I think Sterling should not be allowed to survive, it needs to be torn down." That is his quote, not mine. So, there is a lot of disagreement with his tactics. I am against it too.

I think you should ask the man and wife about his Weekend experience. Why not?

These communications between us are probably being read by The Sterling Institute. Why? It is a cult. That's why. They fear the truth. I have not broken confidentiality either.

Again - Nancy - Ask anything you wish to know.


Dave

Thanks. I really appreciate all your input. I like knowing as much of the story as possible.

I'm glad you think he will eventually snap out of it. I hope so, but he's got some real problems. From everything I've read here about all these secular-type cults, "spiritual communities," MLMs, etc., he has an extreme case of brainwashing that goes far beyond what most people here are talking about. Do you know, is it common for people to jump from cult to cult, or to be involved in more than one of these groups at one time? When you were involved in Sterling, were you or other men involved also doing Landmark, involved in life coaching, or anything else like that?

Thanks again for sharing your experiences.

Nancy,

A few corrections: I wrote about Sterling Men - "Many have a bad reputation." I do not think that was a fair statement. Men in general can have a bad reputation. I do believe Sterling Men can have a bad or good reputation. Also, many men who did the Weekend will never tell anyone they were associated with Sterling for fear of embarrassment, so the average person would never know if he was/is a Sterling Man. Does that make any sense?

On the "Do you trust me" comment I made. That is Sterling tactics but men who are fresh out of the Weekend think it is the greatest thing ever and they do not know any better. How can you trust someone you don't know that well? Also, he is probably being pushed to enroll. If he is a good person in a weird place I think you should keep a little distance and see where he is in a few months.

I did not know of other men being invlolved with Landmark or similar organiztions while invoved with Sterling. It seemed some of the men found a place to stay in Sterling. Several men I met had done Landmark as well but found it to be a different experience. I know one man who, many years after leaving Stering, became involved in Landmark. He would call me out of the blue to talk and check-in with me. It seemed I was being prepped to regain his trust, and then was going to attempt to enroll me. I avoided him and then he left me alone. He was a good guy, I liked him. He had mixed feelings about Sterling too.

I think people can become addicted to these weekend experiences. There are so many available these days. Life is not easy. We spend a lot of time thinking and looking for answers. Sterling did answer many of my life questions, and did help me to move forward. It is not a permenant solution and that is why many people do so many of these weekends.

My personal opinion is that anyone who seems deeply involved with one of these organizations is someone to stay away from.

Has he been in your life recently? If so, why? Did you ask your friends about the man's Weekend experience? You should. Tell me more about your brainwashed friend.

Dave

Unfortunately I had the misfortune to become involved with a guy (not a man, by any stretch of the imagination. None of these members are men so I will not refer to them as such. It's a disservice to decent men.) who held a leadership position in this region's SIR and Mens Division. I wound up, unwittingly, in what those boys refer to as a “short-term recreational" relationship (definition below). If anyone reading this is considering getting involved with an SIR guy, a Mens’ Division guy or any other such SIR affiliate, please read and then run in the opposite direction, and don’t look back.

When I began dating this guy, he told me a bit about this men’s group he was active in, and in which he held a leadership position so I went up to the official SIR web site, read about its mission, and thought it was a good thing; it worked with my somewhat traditional (though not medieval) view of men and relationships. After he unceremoniously dumped me, a friend advised me to Google SIR so I would know what kind of guy I’d been involved with, and what his so-called “men’s organization” was REALLY about. (That’s how I found Rick Ross.) I only wish I had done this earlier. I could’ve saved myself a lot of pain and self doubts. There were warning signs which I patently ignored.

First off, he was a first-rate liar. On our 2nd date, he told me his marriage failed because his wife never allowed him to have sex with her; they never consummated their marriage because she’d been traumatized by rape. He didn’t realize the extent of her problem until they married. (He wanted to wait until marriage before they had sex. Sounds charming, but? ) As a result, he said he didn’t have kids. The next day I Googled him and found his family tree online. There I learned he did have a child with her, a son. So he lied on both counts. But because I was drawn to him, I figured the dissolution of his marriage and estrangement from his son must have been terribly painful, and he hadn’t felt like discussing the facts until we knew each other better. My thought was to wait and eventually he’d feel close enough to confide in me, which of course never happened. I never brought it up.

There were other signs. He always talked about men growing up “feminized” (He grew up with 3 brothers, no sisters, yet he was sure –paranoid – that his manhood had been compromised), how women were “devious”, how men were just lovable “jerks”, prone to bad behavior, complained about taxes like some old cranky man (think Grandpa character on the Simpson’s “Back in my day, we didn’t have ______, and we LIKED it!") Yea, I hung out with a guy like that. Ew!

During the six months we were involved, when we did get together, I admit he could be affectionate, smart, an interesting conversationalist, and the sex was great. But he kept me at arm’s distance, after a couple months he began going home in the middle of the night, never allowed me inside his home, never invited me out with his friends (I suppose they all knew I was just a STR girlfriend), never introduced me to his family, etc. Several times I asked him if he was really interested in me, or if he wanted a meaningful relationship with me. He always answered yes, but looking back, I have to admit, his reply lacked conviction. Actions speak louder than words. After discovering (too late) the level of his dishonesty (no intention of developing a committed, caring relationship in the first place) it all made sense. And it was hurtful. I felt used by a guy who touted all this "honorable man" stuff. What a load.

But remember, unbeknownst to me, he was simply practicing one of the Sterling boys’ most offensive, but time-honored nasty tradition of using women in what they call a short term recreational way. (Would be nice if the Sterling boys were honest about that upfront. There might be gals who don’t want a commitment, just recreational sex a la Samantha of Sex in the City. More power to those who are can be like that. Then they could leave the rest of us who yearn for something more alone to pursue that.

Below is a description, straight from the Sterling Institute/Mens’ Division rule book - this is what the Sterling leaders present and advocate in their weekend initiation:
Short Term Recreational (STR)
• Defined as basically--for sex only, without involvement. You should get out of a STR relationship at the first sign of trouble, but with the following exceptions--
1. "If she gives good head"
2. "If she swallows"
3. "If she takes it up the ass".

It’s amazing that our relationship lasted as long as it did. Apparently I was just “practice” until someone better came along, which didn’t take too long. I believe he’s now in what the Sterling boys call a Long Term Committed relationship cuz I know the new gal is allowed inside his home. But I bet she’s not allowed to feminize, i.e. touch anything. ;-)

Long Term Committed (LTC)
• You should never get involved in a LTC relationship until you are totally self-sufficient which means you can go without pussy. You should never get involved in a LTC relationship until you have succeeded in STR relationships. (Meaning until you’ve used and dumped a few unaware women. – my addition – WISERNOW)

When we broke up - over the phone - he coldly said he wouldn’t give me any of his time. Yea, I was such a time suck; I made a point of rarely calling him, giving him plenty of time and space. I was sensitive to the fact that he had a business to run and other obligations. I’m not one to insinuate myself into someone’s life without an invitation. We didn’t get together more than once a week. His tone was dismissive and mean which was unnecessary. I understood it was over without him having to talk to me in such a harsh way. We haven’t spoken since although I have the misfortune of catching glimpses of him (rarely) since we live in the same neighborhood. Nothing like having to physically face your mistakes occasionally. But he's become easy to ignore.

I take responsibility for not ending things when there were so many indications that this relationship was extremely sick. My only excuse it that I was in a vulnerable state when we met and thus allowed this self-centered, negative person into my life. What bothers me the most is that I was kind, thoughtful and generous with him. I never got pushy and stupidly let things “take their time”. In the end he threw me away like yesterday’s newspaper. Maybe he was feeling some trouble brewing (like I might voice my need for a loving relationship) and needed to bail. This was afterall a Short-Term Recreational fling, and he had to uphold the definition, without my consent or knowledge. (It certainly isn't recreational for the women.)

Happy ending: Soon after, despite misgivings about getting involved with anyone ever again, I met a *wonderful* MAN!! He’s never needed to spend hundreds of dollars on a weekend “seminar” or countless hours in mandatory meetings w/ moronic, immature, women-hating guys in an effort to learn to be a man - he just is one. He’s masculine, funny, generous, caring, smart, athletic, successful, handsome and wild about me. We’ve been together for over a year. Maybe I needed to experience a horrible relationship to truly appreciate a great one.

But remember, friends don’t let friends get involved with SIR guys. Please spread the word to women you know. Guys associated with The Sterling Institute and its Mens Division are, for the most part, dishonest and self-centered with no qualms about hurting and using women as “short term recreational girlfriends”; not the kind of person a gal would want to let into her life. I don’t know how any sane, self-respecting woman would knowingly want to be intimate with a guy who she knows accepts and advocates using and tossing women (sisters) aside as if they had no feelings or value.

Hi Wisernow,

I'm somewhat stunned at what you ended up being subjected to, but very glad you've got a real man now. Cheers to you!

John

Discovering the sick philosophy of SIR (thru Rick Ross) and the way it's executed by its members made it easier to forgive myself for allowing anyone to treat me with such disrespect. I was fooled into caring for a mean-spirited creep in nice-fitting jeans. I'm all the stronger for the experience. I can only hope he gets his karma comeuppance!

And yea, I've since found the real thing with a good man, and couldn't be happier.

Cheers!

Nothing like a valley (or a dip?) to help you know how good a mountain top is! :-)

John

STERLING INSTITUTE OF RELATIONSHIP
Discovering the sick philosophy of SIR (thru Rick Ross) and the way it's executed by its members made it easier to forgive myself for allowing anyone to treat me with such disrespect. I was fooled into caring for a mean-spirited creep in nice-fitting jeans. I'm all the stronger for the experience. I can only hope he gets his karma comeuppance!

And yea, I've since found the real thing with a good man, and couldn't be happier.

Cheers!