Hi all,

I am not struggling with a cult, but rather a therapy group that has used guilt and other negative tactics to keep its members. There is definitely a belief that if you leave the work there is something wrong with you. I have watched other people try to go and seen them get lambasted for doing so. The leader also talks negatively about people who have left. There are no boundaries to be heard of, and in fact some of us were helping this person when she was hospitalized (she is quite old). I do not believe that she is intentionally hurting people, but for me the work, though once helpful, has become very negative. When I told the leader I was going to leave she told me that I do not want to learn and that I am not open to exploring my negative feelings (I have been doing so for 8 years, so....). She actually said that she did not care what I did, that I could walk away right now, that I could get hit by a bus, that I could commit suicide, I was free to do whatever I wanted...This was the last straw for me. I played it cool in the session and told her I would think about coming back (she wanted me to come to see the group and talk about it, and take 8 months to separate), as I did not want to incite her negativity and get into a battle in which she would use what she knows about me to hurt me. Obviously, I am not going back, but I need some advice. Do I call to say I am not coming, or simply cut off all ties and not look back? I still feel like I owe the people that I left some kind of explanation, but I don't want to subject myself to a guilt trip and mind control, as they are all still seeing this woman, and as far as I am concerned under her spell as I was.

The group meets tomorrow night, and instead of going, I have invited a group of my friends (not related to the group) to come over and celebrate my freedom.

Rather serendipitously, I have lost my cell phone, so it has been turned off and no one can reach me (they do not have my home number). I thought I might just leave it that way for a while, maybe even change my number. Anyone have any thoughts or words of comfort?

HUrray for you!

I've been through some doozies of therapists over the years, and I can see the flags you raise right away, in the punishment of people who have left: that is just a tactic to scare the ones who remain.

Personally, I would leave a clear message on record or in writing that no contact is desired. That way they can't chase you around claiming you need "help". Here in Texas, anyone who violates that kind of message can be charged with stalking and it does not have to be sexual to be taken seriously. There is a page up by the U of Tx that says law enforcement considers 3 contacts after such a message to be crossing the line. Find out what your local laws are. They have evolved greatly in recent years on this subject of stalking.

[www.oag.state.tx.us]

Kiki, I had a somewhat experience years ago in group therapy involving a contemptuous team of therapists who flew into a rage and do everything in their power to intimidate me when I tried to leave their so-called treatment. The fact therapist-client relationship can evolve to resemble a cult dynamic seems to be the mental health profession's dirty little secret. It's great you recognized the situation and fled. The experience has taken me a long time to unravel. I feel thoroughly conned.

Unfortunately, we have lost a daughter (she’s now 19) due having false memories of sexual abuse (initially by some schoolmates which eventually expanded to include her father) due to “recovered memory therapy” by two of the therapists at Mercy Ministries, as she has cut off all contact with us. We are not interested in suing (even though the therapists sure deserve to be!) , we just want our daughter back and pray that someday she come to realize that these memories are false. The place she was treated by these therapists at seems to be a cleverly-disguised cult…I corresponded recently with someone who was her roommate and that’s what she claims it was and they use “recovered memory therapy” as a way of control and an effective way of separating them from their "family of origin".

There are websites, and some books about Recovered Memory Syndrome. Therapists wanting to "make themselves indispensible" can plant these notions as the magic explanation for all the clients' problems.

Yes, the "Christian-based" treatment my daughter received (including recovered memory therapy) for her eating disorder probably did seem like the magic explanation for all her problems...the problem is that none of it is true and she has discarded her family because of it.