Dear all-of-you,

This is a very useful and hopefully therapeutic newsgroup. Hear my story (I'll try to keep it as short as possible).
I am 65 now, so more than half a century ago I was raised in an Dutch orthodox Roman Catholic family. In my early youth (between 6 and 9 years) I was made a catholic for life. I was presented a set of rigid rules to keep me on the right track to Heaven. I learned that when I disobeyed I would certainly go to hell if I did not confess in time and payed for my debt.
One rule demanded that I had to go to church every sunday. If I disobeyed this rule (which I often did as a playing child) I would commit a mortal sin, so... Hell.
I was brainwashed with thes rules. Up till today I feel the burden of so many mortal sins even after I left the Roman Catholic church forever. In my mind a struggle is still going on between abused emotion and common sense.
I turned to Freemansonry (yes, a therapy!! The Brethren gave me back my self respect) and I intensively study Kabbalah (where I meet G-d (En-Sof) in a mystical and satifying way.
But still I cannot free myself from the mutilations of my early youth.

Anyone who recognizes this?

Nico.

I'm no expert, but I know what it feels like to suffer for years and years from chronic irrational guilt, anxiety, low self-esteem and all the other irrational feelings that plague us so-called "normal" people too.

I found this book personally helpful, and maybe you will too. I promise that there are no strings attached, and you will not be pressured to buy more books, attend any forums or bug everyone you know to do likewise.

I found it very helpful as a "self help" tool, and I cannot say enough good things about it. You can view/buy the book at this Amazon page that follows. While it is most famous for dealing with depression and anxiety, it deals with far farm more than that I assure you:

[www.amazon.com]

I sincerely hope that this helps,

CBFT

Nicolaas, I am sorry for your feelings of guilt through the years. I am 41 and was raised and still am a catholic. I also was in a catholic cult for 9 years, but thank God have been free of it for 5 years now, in part because I finally learned the truth about what the church teaches. I can see how you developed those feelings you expressed. I think it is important to note that some of the things you were told about the church were not correct or complete. I think parents back in your day used the "do it or go to hell" type of child-rearing with good intentions. But you didn't necessarily learn some important truths of the faith. God is merciful and loving, loves you and wants a happy and good life for you. He is not eager to send you to hell. Sometimes, (and I mean this...not always!) guilt serves a good purpose in our souls. It is a call from our souls to do what we know is right. I can't say that is your case, but I would urge you to pick up a copy of the Catechism of the Catholic Church, and find out what the church "really" says. Having a lot of experience with cults, I do not believe the catholic church to be one.

The catholic church has its dark side....and, in my opinion, semi-cultic in nature. I watched a true story documentary..called the Magaline sisters...a true story of catholic institutions in ireland that nuns sevierely punished un-wed mothers untill someone came and got them or they ran away. the last insitution was closed in 1996.
not to mention the molestations, and many of my catholic friends have horror stories as to what nuns did to them in catholic school, and the dogmas that they believe that they have accumilated for "sins".

I would recomend seeing a therapist trained in cult abuse. I am sure he is she has worked with people who were in the catholic church.

also people who have been in a cult or an abussive church, have the tendency to relapse into anouther cult or abussive church before realizing he/she was origionaly in a cult or expreienced church abuse the first time.So, before getting involved with anouther group check the rick ross cult directory. I was in an apostolic group, and that dirrectory has saved my butt several times

best wishes

JoAnne