Re: Turning Point Church World Outreach Center-Tell Your Story
Posted by:
wherefromhere
()
Date: August 31, 2010 01:15PM
next chapter it seems, oh my God what could be next. This makes my heart sad.
Pastor Jackie Note on facebook entitled NOT GUILTY
I have contemplated how I would tell my story, what I wold say and how I would say it. Would anyone really care to hear my side of this nightmare? I have come to the conclusion that there is no right or wrong way to tell it, but to just tell it. Warts and all. The truth, plain and simple. So I ask that you would hang in there as I share 'my story'.
I want to say Thank you to those who have been supportive and also to those who have not. This is an opportunity for me to rise to the standard that Jesus would require of us all. Acutally to share somewhat in the fellowship of His sufferings. Although, I know that I have not endured hardship to the point of shedding blood, (Hebrews 12) I have endured. My family has endured. And I praise the living God for His unfailing love for the Singer's and the Moors.
You all may think I have been strong thru this trial, and that I have handled myself with grace, (well there are those of you who actually saw my weakness) but in reality I have been weakened and frozen in a vortex of pain, sadness, and a complete inability to make a decision. Even to the point that in this past year, there were days that I was completely unable to get out of bed. I have a friend that would come over and just sit with me on the bed, because I could not get off of it. I isolated and would let no one in. I would force myself to go to work and spend hours crying in the bathroom.
So unsure about my future, my families future and even the existence of God. I cried out often, God why, why me? How can I stand up to the rejection, to the scorn and the people who would turn their backs on me when they saw me. How could I stand in the midst of this pain. To be accused and convicted of such a crime, to be accused of slander and atempting to tear down the church I loved and served for 12 years, I thought was more than I could take. To have my closest friends walk away from me.
My daughter had just come home after being gone for almost three years, and to see her so hurt by the church and the 'shunning' of our family. To have the people who she had loved so deeply turn their backs on her, was really almost to much for any mother to bare. To hear that my son was sat down by Jeff Barnes and Cyndi Villamor and given a ultimatum, "TP or your mother". How could they have even had that conversation? I am proud to say that Jeff and Eryn chose me, that they believed me and would stand by me. They were later told they did not have to choose. It was implied though, that if they left, the church might be crippled. one of my greatest disappointments in all this is the manipulation perpetuated towards my son and daughter in-law. I am not saying all this to make anyone feel sorry for me in the least. I am just sharing my journey through this nightmare.
In the first few days of the conviction of me in front of the congregation and subsequent business meeting where the congregation was told to not associate with my family and certain friends of ours. Sid and I prayed, we asked God how could this happen to us. We had done nothing but serve and sacrifice. 'God', we cried, please show us. In the blink of a moment, Sid fell to his knees... and in that moment, I knew as well. 10 years earlier I was an Elder at Turning Point COMMUNITY Church and we threw a family out of the church. We shamed and humiliated this family in front of an entire church without allowing them to be present. We told everyone to shun them. We said 'trust us' we know things you do not. We blindly and stupidly did what was now being done to us. We were now reaping what we had sown. God forgive us. We wept for hours and hours, and still to this day we weep, that we took part in the attempted destruction of a family. Love so absent.
I now understood, that even tho I was innocent of the accusations, I was guilty of inflicting the same pain. Repentance came for us and we still are walking that out. Reaping what we had sown, made it much clearer to us that God had a plan and that we had to rely on Him and Him alone. People could not fix me, only God, a God with all power...
I will finish this story on another note. This makes my heart sad and I need to stop for awhile.