MY baptist parents suck
Posted by: JanieBeast ()
Date: April 04, 2006 07:44AM

I have an usual question and comments that require a little explanation. I'm [u:1b6ac684ae][i:1b6ac684ae][b:1b6ac684ae]bipolar [/b:1b6ac684ae][/i:1b6ac684ae][/u:1b6ac684ae][/color:1b6ac684ae]and often [u:1b6ac684ae][i:1b6ac684ae][b:1b6ac684ae]struggle [/b:1b6ac684ae][/i:1b6ac684ae][/u:1b6ac684ae][/color:1b6ac684ae]to meet even minimum requirements of my day. I get depressed to the point that I go to bed; or I get manic until I cause tendonitis with extreme pain.

My parents are not only stuck in the Baptist cult, they seem to, at times, run the thing. They've done this to the point of [u:1b6ac684ae][i:1b6ac684ae][b:1b6ac684ae]rejecting [/b:1b6ac684ae][/i:1b6ac684ae][/u:1b6ac684ae][/color:1b6ac684ae]me, refusing to help me unless I crash and burn. I've not spoken to them for two months now. I know it's what is best for me, but I'm terrified of what I will do next that I [u:1b6ac684ae][i:1b6ac684ae][b:1b6ac684ae]can't control[/b:1b6ac684ae][/i:1b6ac684ae][/u:1b6ac684ae][/color:1b6ac684ae]. My parents have money. They'll give me a[b:1b6ac684ae] little [/b:1b6ac684ae]financial help to dig out of a real mess. They just won't give me any [i:1b6ac684ae][b:1b6ac684ae]emotional support or concern [/color:1b6ac684ae][/b:1b6ac684ae][/i:1b6ac684ae]beyond that which the bible can relay. As you can imagine, the bible makes me want to puke. I not only dislike religion but run like hell at the mere mention of it.

One of my mother's great idea was to offer to send me away to Minirth Meier clinic. Thank god I avoided it. She thinks she can ship me away and get me fixed. They sent me away at 17 because they were told that I had a drug problem - by an AA treatment center of course. I was self medicating and didn't know it. The treatment place traumatized me very badly. They accused me of being addicted to weed. Of course, that's ludicrous. Weed was the only thing that made it possible for me to live in that house until I could get on with my life and move out.

I never anticipated not being able to fully move on. I have a husband who is very good to me. I feel as if my parents have dumped their world of "problems" on him. I have a psychiatrist who manages my medications, while my mother keeps trying to ween me off xanax. I've kept the dosage low on my own. My psychiatrist is frustrated by their resistance of course.

I feel very [u:1b6ac684ae][i:1b6ac684ae][b:1b6ac684ae]abandoned [/b:1b6ac684ae][/i:1b6ac684ae][/u:1b6ac684ae][/color:1b6ac684ae]and [u:1b6ac684ae][i:1b6ac684ae][b:1b6ac684ae]sad[/b:1b6ac684ae][/i:1b6ac684ae][/u:1b6ac684ae][/color:1b6ac684ae]. How am I supposed to cope? Where can I go to deal with it? My therapist said I'm fine, and logical, and to keep my parents away is a good thing. He said I seem perfectly sane. He told me that cutting contact with my parents made good sense.

I'm sorry this is so long. I just don't know how one deals with a parent who only has eyes for god. [u:1b6ac684ae][i:1b6ac684ae][b:1b6ac684ae]I'm all screwed up in the brain, and I won't be getting "better." [/b:1b6ac684ae][/i:1b6ac684ae][/u:1b6ac684ae][/color:1b6ac684ae]I do the best I can. My parents judge me and avoid me. They're just lethal I think. How do I cope? Are there support groups for me online? I've done everything I know to help myself, but I feel like I've reached a dead end.

Trust me when I say that the baptist cult is a major problem with this. I am sure you've heard the extent of parents like this many times. I just want to know how an abandoned child with [u:1b6ac684ae][i:1b6ac684ae][b:1b6ac684ae]physical [/b:1b6ac684ae][/i:1b6ac684ae][/u:1b6ac684ae][/color:1b6ac684ae]problems copes.

Respectfully,

Lori :cry: [/b]
edited 9/6/2006 for the edification of certain readers

MY baptist parents suck
Posted by: wraithe40 ()
Date: April 04, 2006 02:56PM

I'm sorry i dont have all the answers for you but i do know how hard it is to live with some one who is bi-polar and wont accept it...
you have acknowledged you have this disorder and that is one way to a life that you can lead in this abnormal world...
there are groups around that will assist in helping people with this disorder and there are groups that will assist with getting you to know how to control it without drugs...
but that really is pretty hard..(i have a friend who controls her disorder without drugs but she says its hard day to day)..
medicine has no hard answers on a lot of disorders so please do continue to medicate till you find a better way...
as for your parents well i dont wish to cause you or your family problems but reduced contact can help and to tell them that you love them but dont want them telling you how you should live or believe...if they are true baptists then you could always say to them (if they start telling you your wrong) "thou shalt not judge or condemn or thou shalt be judge and condemned"... the churches teach what is not in the bible and what a loss to the world to be taught something that is not....
I'm sorry but truly life is a very lonely road and we have to travel that road alone..along the way we will find support and lose that support and we will find great friends and great companions... yous friends will love you for you and that i hope is where you will find your support...
Bets wishes "K"...

MY baptist parents suck
Posted by: wraithe40 ()
Date: April 04, 2006 03:08PM

some links that you may find helpful in your country...
these groups may be of help..good luck...
[www.namidanecounty.org]
[www.211.org]
[www.dbsalliance.org]
[www.crazymeds.org]

please be aware that these are not the only ones and i'm including the words i put into google..you can use this in altavista or any other search engine for that matter...
please read and be careful as some links are not just a support group...
place the whole thing in your search engine including the quotations....

"bipolar support groups"

MY baptist parents suck
Posted by: Redeemed ()
Date: May 10, 2006 03:05AM

I'm wondering if your parents just suck.....regardless if they're Baptist or not. Sounds to me like they may suck if they were Catholic, or Methodist, or Amish. Why is it that when someone is a nut job, we automatically blame it on religion, or God, or the Bible? I could be missing some of your story....but I didn't see how your parent's issues were related to the Baptist Church.

MY baptist parents suck
Posted by: Wright_Again ()
Date: May 11, 2006 02:07AM

I think religious parents often are the least supportive of their children. My parents assumed that they were doing a great job since they took me to church and fed me. But they were not emotionally supportive of me as I was growing up and they remain very critical of nearly everything I do.

When I graduated from highschool, they made no provisions for my college education despite the fact that they made a fair amount of money. They then complicated the issue by continuing to claim me as a dependent in their tax returns, thus disqualifying me from financial aid and at the same time giving me no support at all. Emancipation occured eventually, but then my father told me he would help with college expenses and I believed him. Once I sat down with the guy and showed him what I needed to finance college, he ignored me. So there I was out on a limb enrolled in college that I could not afford by myself and realizing that he had lied to me about helping me with expenses.

Want more? Here ya go. When my grandfather died, my father did not go to see him in the hospital. Why? He had a Sunday School class to teach and was too busy to go see him. My grandfather died with only his agnostic son at his deathbed and his 2 Christian sons off "doing the Lord's work" rather than honoring their earthly father.

What a testimony... :?

Which brings me to the point about this post. The Bible teaches us to help each other in any way we can, especially our immediate family. But what has happened is that many Christians drop the ball by placing the wants and needs of church congregations ahead of their own family needs somehow thinking that they are doing God's work.

God's work does not include building large edifaces and sending our clergy to the Bahamas on yet another "retreat" (why do Christians retreat so much anyway? Maybe we should call it what it is...losing the battle.)

IMO, God's work is to help each other out as much as possible and to leave judgement up to Him. A parent that places conditions on their love is not following the teachings of Christ and provide a horrible testimony to non-Christians.

Out of all the children that my parents reared, I am the only one that is a professing Christian. My siblings have all rejected Christianity. My parents are unable to make the connection between their fanatic behavior and their childrens rejection of the Bible and all it teaches.

My relationship today with my parents is a good one, they continue to live as they always have and continue to judge me by the standards of the world. My dad likes to poke fun at me in front of other people because of my career path since I am not what you could call "well to do". I can't bring myself to attend their church since I know I am good enough for God, but not good enough for their avaricious congregation.

How I have done it is by learing to forgive my parents and treat them as if they are mentally ill...because they are. Their values have been completely distorted by the focus on earthly values.

For a good take on what has happened to our churches, try reading "Status Anxiety" by Alain de Botton. In it he clearly illustrates how our modern society has become obsessed with material wealth and by proxy how it falsely demonstrates God's percieved love for us through material wealth.

No where in the Bible does it teach this. To the contrary it teaches us that pride and greed are not virtues, yet I see churches fall into a moral pit by judging a persons spiritual progress by their material wealth and in turn...material wealth given to congregations is a measure of spirituality.

My parents think nothing of giving tens of thousands of dollars to lazy (yes , LAZY) clergy and somehow thinking that this absolves them from acting kindly to everyone they meet. They are rude, petty people that won't lift a finger to help out anyone beneath them.

Yes, religeous people are like Peter when he was miraculously walking on the water with Jesus, they take their eyes off of what got them there.

MY baptist parents suck
Posted by: kameornj ()
Date: May 17, 2006 04:27AM

Lori,
I had to think long and hard before replying to your post. I carefully read it a few times, as well as I did the folks who replied (through “Wright Again” on 5/10/06). First off let me say – and I do mean this across the board – my comments are not meant to start a war, or in anyway meant to belittle anyone. But I do have something to say – and I find the best way to say it is direct.

First off, I can not speak to what it is like to be bipolar. I have known people who have emotional issues (that could quite possibly been due to being bipolar), but no one was diagnosed. But that doesn’t mean I can’t speak to your post.

In things you wrote about – it seemed you glossed over that fact that there are personal responsibilities that fall on you (bipolar or not) due to your actions. To wit…you say your Baptist cult parents sent you to a treatment program and they say you were addicted to weed. And then you say it “of course” is ludicrous. Not that it is ludicrous that you are addicted to weed because you are not a user of weed…but ludicrous because you are using weed and…

In other words – you make no reason at all. Evidently, your weed usage is a problem. Regardless of whether you thing smoking weed should be legal or not – it’s not legal (for the most part), and thus…is a problem.

But what does that have to do with your parents being Baptist or part of a cult?

You say your parents have money….that they give you financial help (little…as you put it) to help you dig out of a real mess. You go on to talk about the emotional support – but let’s stop there for a second.

What “Real mess” did you make for yourself that they helped you dig out of?

Sounds to me that they are HELPING you. Sounds to me that you dug yourself into a hole and they were there to help you out of it. But it also sounds to me that you are belittling the help that they do (and have provided) because it doesn’t meet with your expectation of what you think they should do.

But they are the parent. You are the child. They are helping you. What do you expect?

Your parents sound as if they have made a religious choice for their life that you don’t like or agree with. They may be “judging you” based off this decision – and you are totally not liking it. But that has nothing to do with the bible. It’s not the bible that is making you puke….it’s how your parents have accepted it and run their life according to what they know.

You “run like hell” at the mention of the bible because it reminds you of your parents – not God. You have to remember…all of us are on a different path. All of us are going to hear what we hear, or come to understand what we understand of God’s word. And when we act in accordance to that understanding – it may or may not be what God intended. So don’t blame God….try to understand.

Am I saying that your parents are right in their behavior? Not at all. I don’t know them. And from 1 post…I don’t know you. I can only reply off of what you type here – and from what I can gleen from it.

You mentioned that you self medicate, try and deal with your medication needs on your own. Then you say that your doctor says to (basically) cut your family out of your life. IMHO outside of them being cruel and abusive and criminal…that is never a great idea. Family is family. You may not understand your Baptist parents devotion to their church – and you may not agree with how they practice their faith – but they are family. There is always a common ground to be made with family.

One of the things I’d like to point out that a lot of people miss these days…is balance. There should always be a balance to things in your life. This includes “religion”. There should be a nice balanced approach and walk and this includes family and friends. Once the balance point is reached…there is an abundance of peace to be had across the board.

This doesn’t mean that there has to be an out-n-out acceptance of what they believe…nor does it mean you have to be an Atheist…but it means there is a balance in everything that you do (or trying to reach that balance) and then the walk is smoother.

I would re-read what you wrote and see if you see in it what I may have seen in it. Some of what I saw in it is you wanting to admit to yourself that there are problems that you have…that you have caused…and still don’t want to take ownership of. You look at them as problems other people have or have placed on you.

As you say, your parents reject you and refuse to help you unless you crash and burn. What parent would help their child when they crashed and burned? But you say that as if it is a hurtful thing as if that is the only time they will help – but there are other times that you need help. It’s circular logic.

I’m mad at my folks cause they won’t help me. Since they won’t help me I crash and burn then they help…but I’m mad because they help when I crash and burn. They only help when I’m really in a hole I dug for myself – but they won’t give me emotional support beyond what the bible can rely…but I hate the bible, so I won’t accept the emotional help they give.

Or, you look at justifications for the behavior (such as using the weed as a means to make it possible to live in the house until you could get out). No, it’s a problem. Period. The AA folks say to my parents I have a drug problem…I use weed to help me live – but it’s not a problem. Circular.

You feel abandoned and sad….but you alienate yourself from your parents (at your doctor’s behest). Circular.

It’s like what “Wright Again” wrote in his explanation – circular as well. He, I’m assuming he is a he…sorry if I’m wrong, sounds to be upset because his parents made no plans for college (join the club) despite the fact that they made a fair amount of money.

Then goes on to say that there was a complicated issue with him being claimed as a depended on taxes thus disqualifying him for financial aid. But then goes on to say that Emancipation occurred eventually. So….if he wasn’t emancipated – he couldn’t not have been dropped from taxes as a depended because he was a depended.

So he sounds to be upset over an issue with how the tax law is written – not with his parents. But blames his parents for the tax laws (and how the financial aid guides are written). Circular.

He goes on to make the same mistake a lot of people who are mad at God (or religion in general) make….telling what the bible is saying about life – versus telling what the bible is saying about your personal walk with the lord.

“The Bible teaches us to help each other in any way we can, especially our immediate family”….where? Where exactly does it say that? It doesn’t. It doesn’t even come close to saying anything of the such.

Although I will wholeheartedly agree with the buying of buildings and trips and money and greed…all that is a bunch of hogwash as well…but all of that is secondary to the point where we are at this moment, which is personal responsibility.

Ultimately – parents are people too. Just because they gave birth to us and raised us…went to work everyday and fed us, clothed us, protected us…and in some ways…loved us – does not make them infallible. They are people.

As our parents they deserve respect. They deserve our love for no other reason but because they are our parents. Oh…the bible does say that, though. Maybe you have heard of it. It’s one of those commandments.

But I digress.

The point I wanted to make was instead of being angry and point fingers of blame toward parents for all the bad things they have done and they way they have decided to live their lives….why not look no further than your own choices….your own actions – and see where the fault may lay.

Another quote people ALWAYS get wrong from the bible is about judgement. They think the scripture is just “Judge not lest ye be judged” (or as it has been put in this post: “thou shalt not judge or condemn or thou shalt be judge and condemned”.

That is just sooo wrong. It drives me batty when people molest this part of the bible for their own purpose. If you are going to use this…use the whole thing – and stop taking it out of context. It goes like this:

“1 Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2 For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” (From the Bible)

Clearly that doesn’t say jack about not judging. It clearly says…if you judge, you will be judged by the same way that you judge and measured with the same measuring stick that you use. For it goes on to say:

“3 Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.

In other words….don’t be calling the kettle black if you are a pot. That’s pretty much that. The bible goes on (a lot) to talk about love and family and stuff like that – but I just wanted to clear this little (commonly) misunderstanding up.

That’s what I feel you are doing, Lori. Look to yourself and see where you are at. Get balance with you before you put the burden all on your parents – or on being baptist. And, by the way – I still don’t see where any of this has anything to do with being baptist, catholic, religious period.

Parents suck sometimes. Especially when they want something different for their child than the child wants. Trust me…I know. I was the former, now I ‘m the latter. It’s a rough adjustment for a parent to let go. We have been raising the child since the day they were born. It’s very very hard to let them go out on their own and do their thing. That was my job.

Maybe the parents in question want the child in question to be exactly what they are. If so – that parent really needs to let the child grow into their own. They need to come to a balance too. Maybe.

But this post was about what you wrote, Lori. Not your parents. So I can only reply to you.

I hope I made a little sense and didn’t come across too brash. Again, that was not my intent. Just to be as direct as possible.

Best of luck.

~Kam

MY baptist parents suck
Posted by: Wright_Again ()
Date: May 18, 2006 01:03PM

Quote
kameornj
First off, I can not speak to what it is like to be bipolar. I have known people who have emotional issues (that could quite possibly been due to being bipolar), but no one was diagnosed. But that doesn’t mean I can’t speak to your post.

Bipolar disorder is not an "emotional issue" although it does affect the emotions. It is an imbalance in the brain chemistry that is not due to some
moral failing on the part of the victim.

Quote

But they are the parent. You are the child. They are helping you. What do you expect?

The form the "help" comes in may not be as honest as it would appear. An extreme case is found in the Munchausen Syndrome By Proxy. While a lot of parents do not go to that extreme, many do participate in a false helpfulness in where they only wish to appear to be helpful and actually exacerbate problems by being overly critical of their offspring. If things turn out well, the parent gets to look like a hero. If it doesn't, they get sympathy for enduring such a hardship.

Quote

It’s like what “Wright Again” wrote in his explanation – circular as well. He, I’m assuming he is a he…sorry if I’m wrong, sounds to be upset because his parents made no plans for college (join the club) despite the fact that they made a fair amount of money.

Then goes on to say that there was a complicated issue with him being claimed as a depended on taxes thus disqualifying him for financial aid. But then goes on to say that Emancipation occurred eventually. So….if he wasn’t emancipated – he couldn’t not have been dropped from taxes as a depended because he was a depended.

So he sounds to be upset over an issue with how the tax law is written – not with his parents. But blames his parents for the tax laws (and how the financial aid guides are written). Circular.

He goes on to make the same mistake a lot of people who are mad at God (or religion in general) make….telling what the bible is saying about life – versus telling what the bible is saying about your personal walk with the lord.

“The Bible teaches us to help each other in any way we can, especially our immediate family”….where? Where exactly does it say that? It doesn’t. It doesn’t even come close to saying anything of the such.

Try out 2 Corinthians 12:14, "Behold, the third time I am ready to come to you; and I will not be burdensome to you: for I seek not yours, but you: [b:12ff2e0573]for the children ought not to lay up for the parents, but the parents for the children.[/b:12ff2e0573]"

Not sure about what you are reading, but the Bible is full verses pertaining to personal relationships. You might also try reading the James and Ruth.

My complaint is not so much at my parents, it's more at a system that puts college out of reach for many people without financial aid. I went to work 2 weeks out of highschool and moved out at the same time. I've taken a lot of effort to get my education and it's been a rocky road with a lot of time away from my studies just trying to keep a roof over my head. But when I move 400 miles and set up for college after my dad writes me a letter telling me he'll support me...then he doesn't. I was left scrambling to get tuition/housing paid.

Lesson learned...I'm just not that important to him.

Quote

Although I will wholeheartedly agree with the buying of buildings and trips and money and greed…all that is a bunch of hogwash as well…but all of that is secondary to the point where we are at this moment, which is personal responsibility.

Ultimately – parents are people too. Just because they gave birth to us and raised us…went to work everyday and fed us, clothed us, protected us…and in some ways…loved us – does not make them infallible. They are people.

As our parents they deserve respect. They deserve our love for no other reason but because they are our parents. Oh…the bible does say that, though. Maybe you have heard of it. It’s one of those commandments.

Indeed, it is one of those things I alluded to in my post as to how I deal with them today. It is one of the commandments from Exodus and it is also found in Colossians 3 [b:12ff2e0573]"20 Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. 21 Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged."[/b:12ff2e0573]

Pretty sure that Lori isn't going to read what you wrote.

MY baptist parents suck
Posted by: kameornj ()
Date: May 23, 2006 02:24AM

Nice reply.

I'd like to clarify, I didn't mean to imply that bi-polar was an emotional problem. I think I was pretty clear in stating I can not speak to it since I'm pretty clueless. My pointing out that I knew of folks with emotional problems that could be based on bi-polar was just an observation.

Hopefully we cleared that up.

This thread is like riding one of those rides at an amusement park. You know, the kind that whip you in one direction - then flip you around and go in a different direction. Then out of nowhere, something pops out from behind a corner.

This thread starts off talking (asking) about cult baptist parents, but digresses into problems with the US Income Taxation, parents who help kids out of financial spot, being addicted to weed, who can quote scripture the bestest...the problem with expenses for higher education, then - out of nowhere...Munchausen Syndrome By Proxy.

I'm not the person to quote scripture with. I think people who go around quoting scripture (and can't stick to the topic on hand), typically quote scripture to suit their own purpose...not the purpose it was intended.

So thank you very much, but you can keep the scripture. Besides, as the scripture says (I'll paraphrase), even the devil can quote scriptures backwards and forwards. So there is no gain to be made in quoting scripture with me.

My point...well, at least the point I was trying to make, was about personal responsibility. Yes, things will happen in a persons life, even at the hands of their parents (or the parents financial situation). But those things happen. But Lori, and you, seem to throw out problems and place cause and effect on others (and other circumstance) - and totally by-pass the part you play in it.

Or, in the case of your schooling, as you originally pointed out - it was your parents who didn't have the money to pay for your school, but still claimed you on their taxes - but you were not emancipated yet.

That makes no sense at all. Either you were their dependent, or you were not. If you were - then they claim you on their taxes. If you were not, then you claim yourself. If they claimed you ... and you claimed you...then you have a bigger problem.

But the way you make is sound, they didn't do anything wrong. But yet you blame them for being parents. What's up with that?

That's all I'm saying.

I can only reply to what was typed. I don't know your entire situation. I can't speak to Lori's entire situation. Only what has been shared. And what was shared sounded like...well, honestly - there was no problem except for being a spoiled little brat who wants things a certain way and got pissed off when they found out life don't take orders from brats.

That's the bottom line.


Lastly, and I do want to clarify: As you so pointed out that the bible is full of verses pertaining to personal relationships. But, again, you read what you want to read. The bible is full of versus about people being slaves. About war. About death. About multiple wives. Does that mean we need to have slaves, be at war and cause lots of death and have a bevy of wives?

Read what you want to read - but from my vantage point, overall, it's God's word to his children on their relationship with him. Period.

But, again, that's up to you to read and understand. Just as I read in the previous posts that it comes from a selfish, self centered, brat point of view. I am truly sorry that people have emotional and chemical problems they have to deal with. But, come on...if you smoke weed all the time....you are a weedhead. If you drink all the time, chances are pretty good you are an alcoholic.

And if you continue to deflect issues and place them on other people, you have no sense of self responsibility and really need to learn some.

Please don't misunderstand and think I'm being harsh because I want to incite a flame. I just think that there is no point in pussy-footing around the issue and stating it bottom line is the best way to go.

Peace

MY baptist parents suck
Posted by: sonnie_dee ()
Date: June 08, 2006 04:43PM

I came in here interested to see someones view on having parents who are baptists. Both my parents are baptists and there are certainly some things about them that "suck"

However I don't believe them being baptist has much to do with it. That is just the way parents are. I have learnt to differentiate between my mother the baptist and my mother.

There are things she does in the name of religon that I dont agree with. They will freely give money to any Joe bloggs who looks needy but were a lot more tight with my siblings and myself. However I know If I was every in serious trouble I would have a roof over my head and clothes to wear and food to eat courtesy of my parents.

I do think having read the first post, not everything is "the parents" fault. seems to me like you aren't willing to own up to your own failures. They were willing to pay for treatment for you when they thought you had an addiction and are willing to help pay your messes away.

MY baptist parents suck
Posted by: Hope ()
Date: June 11, 2006 07:24AM

I agree with a lot of what the other posters have said. I would add that people use religion as an addictive substance. You might want to do a Google search on Father Leo Booth. He has written on this subject - I can't remember the exact title of the book - it is something like When God Becomes a Drug..

But really, at this point, you need to stand up for yourself. You are married and allowing your parents to interfere to the point where you are not living YOUR life. This, however, is a symptom that Booth talks about, not getting the emotional skills early on because emotional needs were ignored.

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