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sonnie_dee
I came in here interested to see someones view on having parents who are baptists. Both my parents are baptists and there are certainly some things about them that "suck"

However I don't believe them being baptist has much to do with it. That is just the way parents are. I have learnt to differentiate between my mother the baptist and my mother.

There are things she does in the name of religon that I dont agree with. They will freely give money to any Joe bloggs who looks needy but were a lot more tight with my siblings and myself. However I know If I was every in serious trouble I would have a roof over my head and clothes to wear and food to eat courtesy of my parents.

I do think having read the first post, not everything is "the parents" fault. seems to me like you aren't willing to own up to your own failures. They were willing to pay for treatment for you when they thought you had an addiction and are willing to help pay your messes away.

Very nice post. That is exactly what I was trying to say too.

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Hope
I agree with a lot of what the other posters have said. I would add that people use religion as an addictive substance. You might want to do a Google search on Father Leo Booth. He has written on this subject - I can't remember the exact title of the book - it is something like When God Becomes a Drug..

But really, at this point, you need to stand up for yourself. You are married and allowing your parents to interfere to the point where you are not living YOUR life. This, however, is a symptom that Booth talks about, not getting the emotional skills early on because emotional needs were ignored.

Without having read the book you mention or knowing the author - I can agree that some people do use religion as a crutch. In general, I don't think that religion is a bad thing when taken in moderation. But then again that boils down for just about everything.

I heard something very interesting the other day. It's not material where I heard it from ... it just made a lot of sense (at the time). Looking around in nature, you don't see any accidents or mistakes. Everything is for a reason. You may not know what the reason is....but there are no mistakes in nature.

What does that have to do with this "parent" thread? Nothin. I just wanted to repeat it cause I thought it was cool. :lol:

Ah, yes...the everything-happens-for-a-reason cliche that often is used as a condescending platitude. When my dearest friend was diagnosed with cancer, she heard it often. Often, guru wannabes use the cliche to imply they have the goods on profound spiritual knowledge. Yuck-o.

Everything happens for a reason. "Things" do not occur because of some mysterious force or plan in the universe that we mere humans must ponder.

People not only use religion as a crutch for themselves, but as a form of abuse and neglect against others.

This is common of many people. It's hard to understand that a bipolar person does not have control. If one would read a little bit, not even a lot but a little bit, on bipolar, this would click. Bipolar is clearly diagnosed as a biological disorder, not an emotional one.

The thing I fault my parents for is very clear. Conditional love and emotional neglect. Many biplar children fail to bond with either parent as well, causing issues later in life.

I have specifically asked my parents on many occasions that they call or email me to see how I'm coping in case I am very suicidal, etc. Just be part of that support system. Nothing more. Just to care. That is not going to happen. They build and finance churches, spend as many hours a week volunteering at them, and becoming big players with money in them. When I visit, all I hear about is church. They couldn't drive past the church without stopping to check on it. That was regardless of my short visit from another state. I could write a book about the insane tactics they used to raise me and my brothers. My grandfather was a Baptist Minister who had affairs in every congregation he ministered to. Just like a good minister should. I was well indoctrinated with the church, I know from whence I speak.

The reason my parents really broke me though, was when I had a complete and total nervous breakdown. I was in the process of going through a divorce and diagnosing my bipolar, and dealing with a pending hysterectomy. I laid in a bed and literally shook in panic for 13 hours a day - medication resistant. When I asked if I could stay with them during this time, the answer was not an emphatic yes, it was we'll think about it. They insulted me on a very basic level, and tried to push me out the door long before I was able to be on my own.

A bipolar doesn't place cause and effect of problems on it's himself, but rather re-checks his meds with his doctor. I realize that as a bipolar person my life is always in a different frame of mind. All I need is for them to care, a little bit. Blaming myself is counter productive, but I constantly make amends for things that I had no control over. Contrary to the 12 step thinking, bipolar is definitely not a mind over matter thing. I get very depressed or very manic, and the results are often quite devestating - at least one emergency room visit. I struggle to keep a part time job and remember appointments.

My parents raised three children who all have major issues. All three were using drugs in high school. All three have personality disorders. All three of us despise our parents and avoid contact with them. Tell me again how perfect my parents are.

By logically disecting and analyzing my statements, rather than empathize with the author, you display a gross ignorance for seroius psychiatric illnesses. I'm up to antipsychotics right now. Yet you insist that I must OWN the actions? There's some good therapy. How about my family helping me cope with the negative outcomes, and just give a damn?

If you want to refer to me as a spoiled brat, it's your privilege to do so. My husband spoils me. I have enjoyed a great relationship with him and his parents for over ten years. I was never over indulged and I don't think your judgment of me was neirther required nor appropriate. I am agnostic, and I don't believe in judging people. You assume the worst, I try to think of reasons WHY a person might be justified in their actions. Your negative attitude is not wanted. Make some little kids into sociopaths maybe, I have a support system, I was trying to add to it. To suggest that parents who give you the boot and never look back would not hurt? You are wrong.

I smoked a lot of weed because my parents were so impossible to live with. After I got diagnosed the weed stopped permanently, like right after I got my first apartment and moved out of their house, ironically. When my parents moved out of state, my panic attackes dropped by about 85%.

At current, I cannot physically see my parents. Every time I head to their house (14 hours by car) I get a severe panic attack with phobic tendencies. I have a very serious aversion to them. I went to a therapist or two (and even the treatment center you waxed on about) and they ALL told me I must get away from my parents if I ever wanted a normal life.

This self centered (selfish is duplicitous) brat (nice to be insulted by another ingoramous with an insectile brain) has an IQ and street smarts enough to know that you are obviously extremely full of yourself.

Let's get this straight again... according to the DSM, the insurance companies, and the AMA, bipolar disease is a DISEASE, not an emotional problem. It causes bizarre behavior. It requires many unpleasant medications. FORGIVE ME FOR NOT WRITING AS CLEARLY AS A PERFECT PERSON! Did you read that first paragraph? Bipolar DISEASE is not a "problem" it's a medical disorder that can be debilitating. Thanks for asking, I have other neurological conditions that are still being diagnosed.

Furthermore, this is the most ignorant response I have ever heard regarding bipolar disorder. These are the kinds of comments that throw people like me into horrible tailspins, resulting in suicidal tendencies, or other life altering behavior. Thanks so much for thinking before writing.

I thank the other people for trying to work with "she who knows everything," She's full of opinion and empty on experience. JUDGE NOT LEST YE BE JUDGED. You can't misconstrue that. Start looking at people with empathy and perhaps begin to relate to people, or even like them.

I smoked weed in high school for less than four years, and I'm not a kid, I graduated over 20 years ago. No weed in 20+ years???? HELLO! Oh but you ASSUMED I am a weed head... I quit smoking weed because I graduated a half year early, honor roll with a gold key in fine arts, and wanted to go to college. My parents laughed in my face at that idea. I proceeded without them for five consecutive semesters with a 3.8 gpa. I became a self sufficient white collar worker at age 20 with accredidation. Obviously I was just too stoned to get the picture.

Why don't you think and preview before positng, or better yet, if you do not know about something, keep listening and stop blathering on about how you don't now about it but (insert judgmental comment here.) May your "LORD" bless you with a gifted bipolar friend such as myself. You'll learn a lot.

Leave me alone lady, you're more insane than I am (passing the meds) and you do NOT know what is common of bipolar people, me, or people obsessed with the church. I've had the same job for over five years, stability, and you can roll that up real tight and cram it. Your post was not only useless, it was hateful.

How does a medication resistant, rapid cycling, bipolar person with phobic tendencies and generalized anxiety disorder and depression

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kameornj
First off, I can not speak to what it is like to be bipolar. I have known people who have emotional issues (that could quite possibly been due to being bipolar), but no one was diagnosed. But that doesn’t mean I can’t speak to your post.

Because nobody can stop you from ranting on about things that you do not know about, even if you cause more damage than good.[/color:4040935b1b]

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In other words – you make no reason at all. Evidently, your weed usage is a problem. Regardless of whether you thing smoking weed should be legal or not – it’s not legal (for the most part), and thus…is a problem.

No that isn't what I said at all. You misconstrued it, and assumed things that weren't so.[/color:4040935b1b]

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You say your parents have money….that they give you financial help (little…as you put it) to help you dig out of a real mess. You go on to talk about the emotional support – but let’s stop there for a second.

Yet you fail to address parents who withhold their love and support and go on to rant about the weed I smoked over 20 years ago? Huh?[/color:4040935b1b]

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But they are the parent. You are the child. They are helping you. What do you expect?

Actually they did not help, they made matters worse and never called to find out. Writing a check is not what I need, I need a mom and dad who are there for me to listen, talk and share with. [/color:4040935b1b]

Your god is not my preference dear - I am AGNOSTIC. We don't all go by the big book or the good book.[/color:4040935b1b]

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Am I saying that your parents are right in their behavior? Not at all. I don’t know them. And from 1 post…I don’t know you. I can only reply off of what you type here – and from what I can gleen from it.

Which frankly is reprehensible. You replied to a bipolar person with critical, hurtful, judgmental comments, you should be a minister.[/color:4040935b1b]

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You mentioned that you self medicate, try and deal with your medication needs on your own. Then you say that your doctor says to (basically) cut your family out of your life. IMHO outside of them being cruel and abusive and criminal…that is never a great idea. Family is family. You may not understand your Baptist parents devotion to their church – and you may not agree with how they practice their faith – but they are family. There is always a common ground to be made with family.

Again, re-read it. I self medicate[u:4040935b1b][b:4040935b1b]d[/color:4040935b1b][/b:4040935b1b][/u:4040935b1b] Too funny that every therapist, doctor and even the evil treatment center disagrees with you about my parents. Screw family who don't care. I have OTHER family members who do care.

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One of the things I’d like to point out that a lot of people miss these days…is balance. There should always be a balance to things in your life. This includes “religion”. There should be a nice balanced approach and walk and this includes family and friends. Once the balance point is reached…there is an abundance of peace to be had across the board.

I have been trying since 1987 to gain balance. Unfortunately, I am medication resistant. I have several medical issues that haunt me. A bipolar person never knows true balance, and the implication that I could is a searing insult to all people bipolar.[/color:4040935b1b]

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I would re-read what you wrote and see if you see in it what I may have seen in it. Some of what I saw in it is you wanting to admit to yourself that there are problems that you have…that you have caused…and still don’t want to take ownership of. You look at them as problems other people have or have placed on you.

Yes, you SHOULD re-read what I wrote because you definitely read it incorrectly the first time. You were the only respondent who did so.[/color:4040935b1b]

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As you say, your parents reject you and refuse to help you unless you crash and burn. What parent would help their child when they crashed and burned? But you say that as if it is a hurtful thing as if that is the only time they will help – but there are other times that you need help. It’s circular logic.

Any parent who loves their child would stand tall next to a mentally ill child and try to help them face their addictional burdens valiantly. Some parents think it's just too much trouble. Bipolar people do crash and burn - it's called suicide, hypomanic seizures, and more.[/color:4040935b1b]

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I’m mad at my folks cause they won’t help me. Since they won’t help me I crash and burn then they help…but I’m mad because they help when I crash and burn. They only help when I’m really in a hole I dug for myself – but they won’t give me emotional support beyond what the bible can rely…but I hate the bible, so I won’t accept the emotional help they give.

How do you conclude that I dig my own hole because I get a severe mood swing and go off on a bender because my meds aren't working???? You are sorely misinformed. I'm mad because my parents don't care about me, they only care about the church, to the point that they've created huge problems within the leadership of the church.[/color:4040935b1b]

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Or, you look at justifications for the behavior (such as using the weed as a means to make it possible to live in the house until you could get out). No, it’s a problem. Period. The AA folks say to my parents I have a drug problem…I use weed to help me live – but it’s not a problem. Circular.

Thank you for bringing AA into it. Waving your flag of ignorance yet again. Have you ever heard of a "dual diagnosis" group? Look at the statistics for number of drug users in correlation with number of people hospitalized for mental illness, or even crime. Also look into a thing called "mental health courts" making a pilot program, to learn how to deal with people who have mental illness's appropriately. [/color:4040935b1b]

You feel abandoned and sad….but you alienate yourself from your parents (at your doctor’s behest). Circular.

I cut off my parents after several months of therapy, another two months with another therapist, my husband and siblings input, as well as past recommendations, including the great 12 step treatment program. NOT CIRCULAR. I don't stop wanting my parents, the stopped wanting me. It hurts. I can't be around them because of their destructive behavior. Abandoned and sad sound like a depressive cycle to me, but you would have trouble seeing that.[/color:4040935b1b]

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The Bible teaches us to help each other in any way we can, especially our immediate family”….where? Where exactly does it say that? It doesn’t. It doesn’t even come close to saying anything of the such.

Actually it does say this and more. Rather than quote scripture to you, let me say this. I am agnostic. I suggest you take your van full of bible toting glaze-eyed tards to the next house, cause I'm not buying what you're selling.[/color:4040935b1b]

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Although I will wholeheartedly agree with the buying of buildings and trips and money and greed…all that is a bunch of hogwash as well…but all of that is secondary to the point where we are at this moment, which is personal responsibility.

Which bipolar people cannot claim..... but you don't know much about that... it just didn't stop you from barging right in to your barage of insults and innuendo[/color:4040935b1b]

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Ultimately – parents are people too. Just because they gave birth to us and raised us…went to work everyday and fed us, clothed us, protected us…and in some ways…loved us – does not make them infallible. They are people.

My parents were supposed to do all that? I better add more on to the list. [/color:4040935b1b]

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As our parents they deserve respect. They deserve our love for no other reason but because they are our parents. Oh…the bible does say that, though. Maybe you have heard of it. It’s one of those commandments.

I do not follow the commandments. I also don't give respect, it's earned. I live my life in a way that makes me proud of who I am. Take your ten commandments and ... you know what to do with them. [/color:4040935b1b]

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But I digress.

When didn't you digress?[/color:4040935b1b]

The point I wanted to make was instead of being angry and point fingers of blame toward parents for all the bad things they have done and they way they have decided to live their lives….why not look no further than your own choices….your own actions – and see where the fault may lay.

Because unfortunately I have a severe phobic reaction to my parents. I have seen several therapists who all say the same thing. But I'm sure you know better than they do. Bipolar people must be pinned down to their every action even if they are having trouble finding a medication that works and desperately need help.[/color:4040935b1b]

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Another quote people ALWAYS get wrong from the bible is about judgement. They think the scripture is just “Judge not lest ye be judged” (or as it has been put in this post: “thou shalt not judge or condemn or thou shalt be judge and condemned”.

Why don't you stand up in front of my parents living room (and most other church congregations) and chant that about a thousand times? It's a huge problem in the church and the butt of many jokes.[/color:4040935b1b]

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That is just sooo wrong. It drives me batty when people molest this part of the bible for their own purpose. If you are going to use this…use the whole thing – and stop taking it out of context. It goes like this:

Screw the bible reference, I know what goes on in churches from the top down. Evidently you are still learning.<snipping scripture>[/color:4040935b1b]

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That’s what I feel you are doing, Lori. Look to yourself and see where you are at. Get balance with you before you put the burden all on your parents – or on being baptist. And, by the way – I still don’t see where any of this has anything to do with being baptist, catholic, religious period.

I am at a bipolar disorder with a long history of other symptoms. I have a very difficult life, not one of a brat, spoiled or otherwise. Methinks the lady doth protest too much.[/color:4040935b1b]

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Parents suck sometimes. Especially when they want something different for their child than the child wants. Trust me…I know. I was the former, now I ‘m the latter. It’s a rough adjustment for a parent to let go. We have been raising the child since the day they were born. It’s very very hard to let them go out on their own and do their thing. That was my job.

I feel sorry for your kids. I hope you didn't tell them once they left they could never come back.... on their wedding day. That's what mine did.[/color:4040935b1b]

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Maybe the parents in question want the child in question to be exactly what they are. If so – that parent really needs to let the child grow into their own. They need to come to a balance too. Maybe.

I don't get much balance being medication resistant. Thanks again for that empathy.[/color:4040935b1b]

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But this post was about what you wrote, Lori. Not your parents. So I can only reply to you.

Yes and sorry to say we can't stop you from tossing your opinion out like day old bread. You are a high and mighty power of one, and obviously still in the cult mentality.[/color:4040935b1b]

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I hope I made a little sense and didn’t come across too brash. Again, that was not my intent. Just to be as direct as possible.

That hardly makes up for calling me a spoiled brat, when I've worked and driven home my treatment to my disease, tried to rally support, and maintained employment. Brash is not even scratching the surface. You are ill informed and judging me as if I did not have bipolar disorder. But I do. Please read up on disabilities before chucking advice out that is worthless drivel.[/color:4040935b1b]

With firm hand and educated mind I say - Be inquisitive, you might learn something about the person you so dislike.[/color:4040935b1b]

This thread seems to be going nowhere, but name calling.