Hello girls - well done to the pair of you. Exceedingly brave, and I hope free-ing for you to make yourselves known. Your view of you experiences are certainly "not all in your heads". I remember your mum and dad. Think I was probably just enough teenage years older than you, and with the strict non-socialising policy of the 1980s, did not know either of you. But we will have so many connections. I notice your reference to "Physical beatings and psychological abuse at home being supported by Mr Black's preaching to use the rod and spare the child." It is horrifying how familiar that was in the Greenock and Port Glasgow church families.

For all of us children of SMC who were spiritually abused and harmed…….we had no choice…..

DELIVERANCE

You were my morning breath,
My evening exhale,
A mantle that hung over me,
You told me I walked in favour.

But it was all conditional.

You were my only hope,
My loving desire,
My only expression.
I knew nothing else.

I never imagined I could never need you.
Where would my call, my purpose go?
Would it be removed as you often said?
No longer chosen, no longer seen, no longer anointed.

I lost belief in my existence,
I was an empty shell.
Surviving minute by minute,
Wandering in a wilderness that you created for me.

You were my shameful dirty secret.
You told me introspection was a sin.
No curiosity, self reflection or questions allowed.
I was to walk around empty and only be filled, become something when you chose.

I learnt that acceptance of me was conditional,
That loving me was transactional,
That friendship was based on my holiness,
And my future totally reliant on the coercion and subjugation to you and the god you had created.

I wandered lost when I separated from you.
You became my Pandora’s box and I never spoke of you.
You had made sure of that with your words of damnation, the curse you placed on my soul.

But we, the children, were already anointed,
You needed us to live out your own desire to feel anointed.
You devoured our birthright and tried to embody us, our light and our very life that coursed through us.

You only let us shine through your silhouette.
You posing as the one holding the light.
You imposter, it was us children all along.
I now take my breath and light back.

I came to understand you limited my divine calling,
You impeded my divine walk,
You tried to prevent my divine purpose.
I now realise I am perfect as I am.
I am chosen and loved for who I am.

I NOW ROAR

I am so much more,
I am boundless, limitless,
I have direct access to divine grace.
I no longer hide.
I dance in the storm raging around me,
And not a hair on my head will be touched.
I WILL bear witness to this testimony of you and your abuse,
For the pen is mightier than the sword.

You groomed an army of children and now we’re rising up against you.
You left us in the valley of dry bones,
But we have come to life.
We have now grown and we are stirring, breaking your curse on our lives.

I now cast you out like a demon,
I now shout out and claim my deliverance of you.
I thrash and I rage and I scream you out in my OWN name and not the name of the god you created.
I am fire, I am burning, I’m lighting up the ground beneath my feet, the flames transforming as I walk forward.
You are the ashes beneath my feet,
And I claim back my very existence.

~ Michele Lunan



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/09/2026 11:03PM by Wise Piglet.

Thank you RedRoad for your kindness and supportive words, they themselves have the power to bring healing.
Michele Lunan



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 05/09/2026 11:00PM by Wise Piglet.

To the Lunan girls, welcome and don’t take silence as a negative. People will be reading. That poem is powerful and fitting for so many of you brought up within such confines.
I’m so glad we got our children out.

Yeah RedRoad, there’s too many common experiences. The leaders cannot continue to say that this is how people experienced and interpreted their doctrine from the pulpit and wasn’t their intention. That just doesn’t cut it or go far enough for any of us as an acknowledgment or apology.

Michele Lunan



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/10/2026 05:30PM by Wise Piglet.

Thanks Liz, appreciate that x
Michele Lunan

Thanks to all the recent posters. A number of things have, dare I say it, dovetailed (groan) to encourage me to make a contribution to the Forum. The Petitor’s exposition of what it entails to pursue truth, Liz’s encouragement to readers but not yet contributors to post and recently becoming friends with a retired woman whose childhood experiences echo much of the Struthers effect on young lives. Her father was a Vicar and latterly Canon of the Cathedral city in which they lived. Her feelings of helplessness, hurt, loneliness, resentment, rebellion and rejection of church life are as vivid to her in her late sixties as they were as a child. I have read the Forum posts from start to finish and pop in from time to time to see what’s new. I have read Struther’s kids and others experiences and both groaned inwardly for their pain and laughed out loud at the absurdities which were perceived as holy, righteous and normal to anybody who has spent any length of time in SMC. I am very glad that the Forum is enabling all those who have been damaged by the SMC experience to share honestly and hopefully find a measure of peace in solidarity with others who have been marked for life by Struthers.

Wisepiglet (/ML),

Wow. Thank you. Your comments covey so much of the reality of what it is to be a Struthers Survivor.

Powerful stuff that really resonates. So sorry you had to go through all that but thanks for sharing both your story and the very poignant poetry.

Lots of stuff I could comment on but you have said it so well that I will just say to others to go back and read it again!

If you have left and are struggling, that will hopefully help you know you are not alone. Others have been there, and there is a bright future ahead.

If you are still in Struthers, or a leader, please read these posts on the last page or so again.

This is important: it is the impact that this organisation has.

Whether you think it is intentional or not, that is what happens. Please do not lie about that.

You cannot dismiss this by saying “oh but if there are complaints people can write to us”. That would not be an adequate response at the best of times, and it is totally meaningless when there is clear written evidence that the response to complaints is, “yes, but we decided we didn’t want to apply that policy”. In case anyone missed it, the evidence of that is here on the forum in black and white, see posts from Friendly Face which basically go (1) Here is a complaint and then (2) here is the response- “we have decided that our complaints policy is not really what we want to do with this so are doing what we feel like instead of applying our policy”. What?

Unprofessional, callous and cruelly indifferent to anyone but themselves. People should literally be sacked for that sort of behaviour. Some of the leaders are subject to professional standards and in my view are failing to meet these so that is in itself a consequential issue.

Anyway, I digress. The point is that, even if they were willing to respond positively to complaints, doing so would not be enough. Thinks of stories in the press about any organisation that has been accused of a bullying culture or a misogynistic culture or some other systemic failure. Any normal organisation that responded to allegations of a bullying culture by saying, “oh, but it cannot possibly be our fault, we have a complaints policy” would be laughed all the way to the tribunal. That is nowhere near an adequate response to a systemic issue. Burying their head in the sand and preaching all is well (notwithstanding all of the evidence to the contrary) has not worked to date and will not work in future.

Finally, QueenBee23 (/FL) welcome to the forum. I look forward to anything you want to share but, as has been said before, however little or much folk share, they are still welcome. Unlike Struthers, we who have come out the other end of that sausage-machine try to avoid a transactional approach to friendship!

An individual approach via a complaints policy is completely inadequate and unacceptable. It’s just another way of SMC individualising what they view as “the problem” being s single person; only serving to feed blame and shame once again.

It’s an interesting and important point you note @ThePetitor regarding many of the Leaders being in professional roles outwith SMC that are professionally regulated and subject to standards. The level of concerns and evidence on this forum would most certainly result in serious concerns over their ability to practice safely.

Concerns of the level documented within this forum require nothing less than a coordinated independent enquiry of SMC that ensures survivors are safeguarded from further harm and individualisation as them being the problem and about their interpretation of events, behaviour, abuse and harm experienced.

Welcome to the Forum, Michele and Frances Lunan. So good to hear from you and read your posts. Yes, I remember your parents very well and always wondered what had happened to them. They seemed to disappear from the church and of course, nobody was saying anything about it. I got the impression that they were given a lot of attention from Mr Black and he often had one or other of them up on the platform giving a testimony or report, with their great sense of humour, so it was a bit of a surprise when they left. But after I left SMC myself, I became aware of the reasons which many folk had for leaving and the similarity of these reasons.

I remember both of you girls also, as well as your brother, although I didn’t know any of you personally. I’m so glad that you got yourselves away from the influence and control of the Struthers leaders, especially having been raised in the church from childhood. Your poem is superb, Michele. It expresses exactly what many children and teenagers go through when raised in a controlling cult-like church like SMC. I’m so happy that you are a survivor and it sounds like you’ve worked through things and come out the other side, dare I use the term, in victory. I like the “I Roar” part!

Welcome to you too, MoMac, and I hope you will post some more.