Polar bear phrases "like its your walk"...I find are like a red rag to a bull... Its the kind of phrase that reminds me of KCF....
I do not call myself a christian anymore .I feel the name christian is a stigma. You have gone on to join other churches.but if my memory serves me correct you did belong to another church all a long and you had one foot in that church and one foot in KCF.You see the people on this site were fully immersed into KCF.fully committed members and therefore fully abused by Herr Doyle I choose to call her and co "The Borg Collective".We were fully assimulated lost our identity and our sanity...

“You might not like my comments but that is not my problem.” So what you’re saying is, you can say what you like and it’s nothing to do with you how I choose to act/react? Isn’t that what KCF teach?

Dear Polar Bear.....

I am expressing my experience, strength and hope..
At the same time I am exposing my weaknesses...
Im doing this with all the honesty that i can muster. At no point am I stating that others have had the same experiences as me. I am writing so that others who had had similar experiences might identify with mine, and therefore should not feel so alone. Hitler did many good things for Nazi Germany,he made unemployment a thing of the past. He intended to give every family a car.He built autobahns ,he made German industry second to none. Does this make Hitlers behaviour less evil?
There is an interesting quote which Im quite fond off..."The road to Hell is paved with Good Intentions"...

Dear All. Can we all take one step back and think about whats going on here,.. we are arguing over things. Do we really need this. Can we remember why we are here, to help one another with one more small step back to living a normal life. My boss in work had this saying when things were rough, he would say "don't take it personally" and then he would do the exact opposite and rip into people and hold grudges against them for years. We all make mistakes, thats what makes us human. what makes us who we are is how we react.

In an effort to quench any hostilities:
Let us remember what this forum is about- sharing your experiences, finding that you were not alone and being productive in getting past the hurts.
In one way or another everyone in this thread has been affected by KCF. Lets keep that in perspective. We've all been through difficult things- getting at eachother is just going to divide us up when a good thing would be for us to come together.

It's obvious that there have been some misunderstandings in what people have meant and how they were percieved. I am sorry if anybody has felt bullied or got at by whats been said. Can we leave it at that?
It would be an absolute tragedy if the survivors of KCF couldn't get it together and feel able to share what they've experienced together.
Onlyme, polarbear, liverpool writer and whoever else- please just drop it and lets all move on.
By stickin together a bit maybe we can find a way to affect change.
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Question: Many people have talked about this already, but how have we all dealt with our experiences since leaving?

Personally I had a secret torment that went on for years, but because my trust had been destroyed towards adults i had no-one to turn to. Looking back over the past few years I think I can see that one thing that contributed to my personal healing was a message board for young christian kids who read this daily readin book thing that a pastors wife gave me. Although i never spoke of my pain and what went on in the fellowship there- it helped me to realise that there were christians all over the world and they wern't all bad, it helped knowin there were people who believed in God and were my age who also struggled with big questions.

Well said Firefly, I am proud of you.

When I and my wife left, we were numb with the pain, but what kept us going was we knew we had done the right thing. we also knew God still had a calling on our lives and as much as I did'nt really want it, a calling to stay in kirkby. I would have loved to have got as far away from the place as possible, we put our house on the market , twice but nothing came it. We knew it was important to keep going to church, we found one in aintree, we spent about six - 12 months going there, it was so refreshing, to see a different slant on church life and the word. the pastor was brilliant with us. John i forever will be grateful for that period with you and how you looked after us, so many people helped us, thats what restored our faith true love in God by people who accept you for what you are. We eventually found ourselves back in kirkby and worship at Lifegate church in southdene. although for how long i am unsure as the methodists who own the building, are in the process of selling it. With god life today is one great big adventure.

I am really pleased for those who have found Christian fellowship again. I have two reasons why I have not resumed worshipping in a church yet. I hope one day I will be able to feel able to feel comfortable in a worship service.

Since leaving KCF I could count on one hand the number of times I have attended a worship service...I have never felt at home....I rarely pick up my bible....I do pray (but not long, elaborate prayers, more life arrow prayers, sometimes tears, sometimes no words just thoughts heavenwards). I work on a Sunday which does make a "useful" reason for not attending worship...but it is a cover really. If I wanted to, I could attend an evening service somewhere local; I have made the choice to not do so.

I have lost all contact, save with one very close friend, with "friends" from my Christian background. I lost contact because I broke ties with churches that were abusive, groups whose beliefs I could no longer hold to. I sometimes, if I'm honest, wonder what all those years of church were about...which was most of my life until I left Kirkby, the last fellowship I was a member of. It is a trust issue with me, well partly that, but it is also the difficult position of listening say to a bible reading or a sermon and not being able to blank out the previous teachings I have had iyswim. I can hear and remember the teaching from the charasmatic/fundamentalist churches (of which there were two, including Kirkby) and can't get past that!

I do go on at length...sorry if it isn't very clear to readers of this forum. I always thought I would return to church quickly....I remember the words I used when I gave up a leadership role I held in a women's organization...I said "I am a worshipper at heart, and I will no doubt be back worshipping soon"...and I suppose those words are true in one context...I do still worship but not in a corporate church setting. I have returned to a very basic faith, recognizing the love and the grace of God present in my life and in the lives of others....but haven't made that leap into another church. As I feel now...wild horses wouldn't get me back into a church permanently. If I could retrace my steps and go back to simple worship in my small childhood church...I would do so gladly! There may come a day when church holds an attraction for me....but it isn't today, sadly.

I carried on in my faith after I left KCF I ended up in a ministry team for 5yrs.Then became head of a charismatic community with that was networked with a community in London. However I am very sad to say that KCF tried to influence the leaders that I was working with that I was a sinner, because my relationship wasnt right with Cheryl. Even though I went back to the fellowship on numerous occasions to speak to her about reconciliation. She wouldnt have any part of it...I have toured the country as a minister. All these things I did by the grace of God he opened the doors. But the pain and blackness was still evident. I met my husband 4 years ago and moved to a different part of the country we are very happy... As I said earlier my drinking had slowly increased over 20 yrs and as alcohol no longer numbed the pain, I used other substances also. 18 mths ago I became clean and sober , did a 12 step programme and was freed from so much stuff from the past. At the moment I have a chronic illness that has rendered me disabled and housebound. But I have used this time to sort out myself with God. I dont go to church anymore I am too disillusioned by what I have seen. But I know God will heal me of this illness and he has shown me what is next. So I am just taking one day at a time letting go and letting God. God sees all things. It is he who causes things to come to an end in his time. All we have to do is be honest and open and let God heal us...

nicely said bbc. I found church hard for a long while after leaving, and still am pretty cynical i suppose, i cant jus go to a church and accept it, i critique it all- how the worship is, what the preacher says, how it all 'feels' etc etc. It's a defencec mechanism i suppose, and although it can be annoying in some ways its good- i could never let myself fall into a KCF trap again.
There are also a lot of mind-sets i had to unlearn, and still have to say to myself 'no thats not right to think like that' just after i left it was things like if i saw someone getting up at the front and giving a scripture or sumthin my immeadiate reaction would be 'there only doin that to get ahead'- but i realised that stuff like that gets ya nowhere. Ya have to be on guard with whats goin on (in a church), but in the right way.

Dear Broken & Bruised & Firefly. You have my total respect for the way you have been open with us, sharing painful memories. I think the one thing that kept me from totally losing it was i had good freinds who where in the same place as i was, we could support each other in our lowest times. We must help each other thru this and any other way possible.