Hi everyone,

Just logging in before I go teach in the morning.

specialkitty's posts are greatly similar to my experiences. It goes to show that former members of cults really DO have similar patterns of grievances.

A couple of the schools I went to had a White/Hispanic balance. A couple of them had some hardcore converts. I even learned Spanish as a result of the attractiveness of the gnostic teachings.

I still suffer some post-traumatic stress as a result of my near decade in the movement. The abuse I underwent was very severe and I, like specialkitty, still have quotes pop into my head. What helped me recover was a few key things:

1.) A strong family bond (the gnostics never broke the bond, but they crashed a few of my friendships). My family never gave up on me and they were the first to help me when I left the gnostics.

2.) Understanding professors who let me back in my program/department after I abandoned my bachelor's mid program.

3.) Lots of friends I have made in my department since I've returned.

4.) My very awesome, loving partner. She has been so wonderful and understanding.

"Philosophical brutality" are the two most perfect words to describe modern gnosticism.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/09/2016 08:42PM by Lone_Flame_of_Eternity.

Lone_Flame,

Didn't you post on the gnosticteachings dot org forum? Lurked on that place back as far as 2005 probably, saw all the drama that unfolded with that. Man, those were some crazy times.

Yeah, I think all of us who have left Gnosis are grappling with some degree of PTSD. You use the word abuse and I don't want to speculate on what you experienced during your time with this doctrine. Like I said, nobody I met was explicitly mean or underhanded with me, and yet the entire procession of events was still able to inflict great trauma on my mind and emotions. I still have moments of self-doubt and self-hatred. They are getting less frequent, and I'm starting to view myself more as a homo sapiens than as an "intellectual animal". I was always a lover of exoticism and Romanticism and this doctrine fed into that, big time.

Hi specialkitty,

I was involved with gnosticteachings for a while (I won’t say what my username was because I don’t want any possibility of retaliation), but my involvement there wasn’t as intense as the other schools I had attended. It was very short and fleeting and I had no responsibilities within it. I was more a part of the "outer circle."

The one school in which I had any level of responsibility (which I definitely won't name, because they sometimes DO retaliate against former members) abused the inner circle greater than the outer circle. When I left, I later figured out that they choose who gets let in, so they can REALLY groom them into whatever they want. It only looks like they’re democratically choosing new members, but it’s really all about the pocketbook. I had a nice, well-paying menial job while I was a member of that school that gave them a small, steady sum each month (but also money from my family), but I was fairly low in the pecking order in the inner circle (believe me, the bigger your gnostic “ego,” the better. Although the gnostics dislike that word, that describes them perfectly). I suspect that it’s this way in the inner circle for other schools of Samael's gnosis. Many schools don't really abuse or manipulate the outer circle (at least not enough to drive recruits away), which may explain why nobody was explicitly mean or underhanded with you. The outer circle gets the "love bombing" more than the inner one (this is a pattern with all cults).

The abuse I and other members (former and current) endured was severe. They don’t have to lay a hand on you to damage you, as you can also attest. While determining who was let in the inner circle, they REALLY probed them for likes and dislikes and broke the person’s spirit. This was especially true if the person was homosexual or bisexual.

To quote what I said in a previous post:

Quote

During my near decade going through the various gnostic movements, I watched as people wept while they gave up their assets and hobbies (even their jobs) in order to “sacrifice themselves for humanity.” I myself wept as I did things like destroy my video game consoles and movies (or give them away) and even destroyed a huge collection of books I had because they didn’t fit in with the ideas of the Samael gnostic movements.

I also figured out that they even choose “alchemical partners” for members, as courting people outside the group is undesirable. Of course, the pool is almost always thin because people come and go. It was ALWAYS members of the inner circle who got the partners first, and the more senior you are, the more likely you are to get a partner. Really, they want to see how “loyal” and manipulable you are before they grant you a partner. When you're under delusions of gnosis, it really looks like your partner is "divinely chosen," It's just like them probing you for weaknesses, likes and dislikes so it looks like they have "divine insight" into your psyche, when it's actually clever maneuvering brought on by physical and mental exhaustion. Meditation and thought-stopping rituals like chanting mantras put you into a suggestive state and pull the wool over your eyes (plus doing gnostic stuff like practicing lamasery without breaks).

I’m glad I didn’t marry one of those gnostic girls. Most of them were boring, dry, and not able to think for themselves (think “Stepford Wives” for gnostics). My current partner is feisty, can do things for herself, and doesn’t care about speaking her mind if her BS radar goes off. She’s someone who can THINK. The stories of my time in gnosis I’ve told her appall her. She has even read some of the Samael books I’ve kept (for debunking purposes) and shook her head.

I’m glad the self-doubt and self-hatred are getting less frequent for you. Occasionally, I have “gnostic” feelings that nag me, but now I have my family friends, professors, and partner to help lift me out. I also have experience to guide me.

The only way I’ve found that works for me is to work, talk with those I care about, and do what I love to do (getting plenty of sleep helps, too).

Best,

Lone Flame

What you've both written shakes me to the core.

My wife has been going to gnosis, SAW, for 2 years now. I didn't think much of it at first, but I've been trying to penetrate the group for over a year. I've mapped out how she was an adherent in 2002, sub-leader that same year and now, in 2019, she is 2 years in, has secretly incorporated a Florida business (a non-profit for a Samael Gnostic Church) and, having already gone to Argentina, is planning a week-long trip to Venezuela on the heels of filing for divorce (from me).

At first, I was floored, but I'm starting to realize that it may be about the sexual alchemy, which she imposed but never explained (I come from a christian background, so it was really foreign and she framed it as a form of tantra). It would seem that, post divorce, she can go onto make as many gnostic sexual unions as possible to achieve her spiritual aims and... while I admit this stirs up something personal in me as her (still) current husband, it takes on a whole new sinister side when one considers the sexual exploitation potential of the alchemical partnering you describe.

Can anyone reach out to me and guide me on the best path forward? We have 2 kids, and this almost seems out of a very dark sci-fi movie, that she's leaving us for a cult.

Any help is appreciated. I'm willing to be 100 percent transparent, as there are no repercussions that can reach me.

Rythan

Hello South Florida Father.

I am sad to read of your stress. I don't really know what advice I can give you. I got involved in Gnosis in 2001 and left last year (June 2018). I was a Missionary in a particular branch of Gnosis. I do know from the doctrine that its unlikely she will be sexually involved with more than one partner...just because the doctrine is pretty strict on how an "alchemical couple" works together. It is suppose to be only between a husband and wife, rather than multiple partners. I don't know if this information alleviates any pain for you or not.

There is this link which maybe helpful to you:

[www.cultwatch.com]

Take care and if you have any questions I'm happy to help.

Lynn