seeking help from spiritually abused
Posted by:
whatisacult
()
Date: December 21, 2009 12:08AM
Greetings
I am writing a document that can be used to criticise cults and am seeking advice & ideas for editing it from former cult members. If you feel anything is missing or something could be said clearer please give me your opinion & ideas, thank you. I have been asking ex scientologists, ex brahma kumaris ex jehovahs witnesses ex mormons ex diamond way etc but this forum is by far the best place to understand what is abusive behaviour & what a group with healthy religious ethics would function like. So my question is would these 10 ethics destroy a cult or have I missed anything? You know all the abuse techniques so please edit away. Ultimately the document will be used like this document Code of Ethics for Spiritual Guides is used & feel free to send it to any apologists who claim their group is ethical to prove that it is not.
So far I have had suggestions to add ethics that prevent gossiping slandering rivalry & not respecting privacy ie asking people personal questions
It is 10 religious ethics based on Rick Ross's "10 Characteristics of a Cult
Document below
1. Absolute authoritarianism without meaningful accountability.
The religious ethic:
The solution to this is to have a feedback system where the feedback is valued & considered properly & addressed both by the leader & its administrators.
Would this solve it? Let¡¯s try an example out. In any religious organization, where celibates are running the show, if they have a sex scandal this is damaging. So let¡¯s apply my solution.
Feedback ignored :
always someone speaks up in the early stages. By discounting their evidence, the person with the hidden scandal will rise in the organization & later when in a high position it will almost always come to light. At that time¡Ü a lot of people will be affected. Most people will remember this scandal & think of how the person was hiding it, putting on a clean face. There will then develop 2 groups. The people trying to move on from the scandal & the people exposing it.
Feedback listened to :
Before the person gets power, the scandal is told. The person exposing it is LISTENED to & an investigation is done that establishes the truth. The accused clearly understands the catalogue of disasters that will come if they are dishonest & in caring for the reputation of the organization cooperates with investigation.
2. No tolerance for questions or critical inquiry.
The religious ethic: Again a feedback system that is not just a token gesture but genuine.
Listening to feedback is a great protector of religious groups. If 1 out of 10 people are finding a problem, then when you convert 1000 people, 100 of them will have a problem. So it is crucial to solve these problems & address these issues in the early stages.
3. No meaningful financial disclosure regarding budget, expenses such as an independently audited financial statement.
The religious ethic (please comment & revise)
Do not take large amounts of money from individuals. Find an ethical way to fundraise that is not this method. Do not lavish the leaders & admins with luxury whilst the new boy grinds away in a servile manner. Do not spend fundraised money on other than you declared it was for.
So the outcome:
Advice ignored :
Amongst the entourage of the leader, accountants & admins with time people naturally leave any organization & a few are unhappy. Those people produce financial information they were privy to that is an embarrassment. All the raised money ends up being spent on defending the group in legal circles. People come away in debt & with a feeling of having being used for their money. Due to their debts they cannot move on as it is a constant reminder so they stay bitter & naturally begin to warn others.
Advice listened to :
Although some people may become unhappy in certain circumstances and leave the organization they will not feel like they were used for their money. They can move on & not have any debts to remind them of the organization.
4. Unreasonable fear about the outside world, such as impending catastrophe, evil conspiracies and persecutions.
Religious ethic (please comment & revise this one really needs input)
Do not speak ill of the non believer. They are sponsoring your spiritual life, building your halls of worship, making the clothes you wear & providing a society in which all the things you need are given with ease. They are also supporting your religious freedom. Do not say they are degenerates, lower beings, foolish etc.
Always keep respect gratitude & valuing of the community. Keep good relations with neighbours and the community without any conversion agenda. Do not chastise people who want to read news & go outside & socialize. (Does this go against any traditional way of life?)
Advice ignored :
The larger community will always find out from former members that they are being spoken of as lesser or lower. The group will get a bad reputation in wider society for doing this. Without interaction with the community....(please suggest more readers thanks)
Advice taken :
The group is respected in society as a whole and is accessible & unmysterious. The help they give to the community with no agenda is admired and neighbours as well as friends and relatives of members feel comfortable.
5. There is no legitimate reason to leave, former followers are always wrong in leaving, negative or even evil.
Religious ethic (please comment & revise)
Do not coerce or pressure people in any way to convert so they then have to 'leave'. Do not let people take commitments/vows/contracts when they are not ready. People who have converted must be treated well if they choose to leave and not be put under any pressure to stay. They must be as free as a bird. Once they are outside they must continue to be treated well & respected with gratitude for their contribution before they left. If the philosophy is very different from world view then the person should be supported as they go back to their previous world view as it can be disorientating. Even traditional religions hold a strong view of the world & it is hard to move to a non religious view.
Advice ignored :
Members who inevitably leave develop mental health problems as they struggle to rebuild their belief system alone without any support. The lack of support brings them to believe they were being used because the friendships dissolved when they changed their beliefs. Feeling used & dumped they become resentful & bitter. Former members fill the internet with bitter propaganda against the group. People are hesitant to recommend the group as they feel that those they recommend might be pushed into a situation or used & dumped. The group gets a bad reputation. Members go through the motions because they are being forced to stay and have conflicting emotions/dual personality. They later speak of feeling unable to leave online which scares off newcomers.
Advice taken :
People go but they often come back & feel happy. They write on the internet that although it wasn¡¯t for them it was a good experience & they would recommend it to others. People invite their friends to the group feeling confident that they will be looked after and not pressured to adhere to anything. The group becomes a valuable resource that people can come & go with confidence using at their own pace. People who are there are enjoying & want to be there.
6. Former members often relate the same stories of abuse and reflect a similar pattern of grievances.
Feedback
7. There are records, books, news articles, or television programs that document the abuses of the group/leader.
Follow the feedback ethic & you don¡¯t end up in this situation?
8. Followers feel they can never be "good enough".
Religious ethic (please comment & revise - I am far off the mark with this one)
Do not treat new people & visitors different from converts. If you wouldn¡¯t do it to a new person don¡¯t do it to a convert & vice versa (Corboy's addition)do not treat rich young able people differently from sick elderly poor people.
Advice ignored :
Converts are like slaves whilst new people are lavished & praised or vice versa. Converts criticized & being judged on their personal life whilst new people are treated with tolerance & respect. Converts come away feeling used & like the love teaching is hypocrisy. Following this ethic solves many, many problems.
Advice taken :
During the early stages of the organization using this guideline of measuring converts and new people some inequalities in respect for people & valuing people are noticed. They are corrected & the organization becomes healthy with people feeling treated well & happy. Then later, when it is bigger there are not big problems. It also prevents convertees getting special treatment because the equality extends to that a new person could be a potential elder in the future & the convertee was one a new person & also a beer drinking hedonistic normal person.
9. The group/leader is always right.
Religious ethic (please comment & revise)
As a leader admit your mistakes. We are all on a spiritual journey together & seeing how you overcome problems will help us do the same. Purity is about your intention so if you are open to feedback on how to do things administratively this does not damage people¡¯s faith in you as long as you have a good intention of cherishing & respecting other people both converts & non converts.
Do not hide your faults & shortcomings. Do not discourage feedback by showing distress. If you are distressed by information, people who work for you will hide it from you. Do not teach arrogance by chastising people. Because then they will copy you. Do not be distant from your disciples as misunderstandings will develop if people cannot contact you. Do not dictate policy rather ask people for ideas. Of course the teaching cannot be edited but to administrate enforced control of people¡¯s activities & speech leads to rebellion & harm to everybody, yourself, your admins, current members & former members.
Advice ignored :
People endlessly seek to prove the leader doesn¡¯t have the qualities he claims. The leader comes to be seen as someone engaging in deception to arouse faith. Members enforce rigorously more & more ridiculous rules because of things they saw the leader do or say and all sorts of administrative problems arise. Because some of these strange policies conflict with member¡¯s wellbeing the leader is then deemed responsible for mistreatment of members and someone who teaches one thing whilst behind closed doors teaching to be heartless to members. The admins hide calamities from the leader and mistreatment. Forcing members to follow strange policies becomes the norm. In the end the group is more famous for these strange rulings that the philosophy they originally taught. Admins become like controlling, uncaring dictators.
Advice followed :
Overexcited members tell you to tie your shoes the way the leader does because he is never wrong & is divine etc but they are laughed off because the majority have a good open relationship with the leader. People feel able to express their views & feelings to the leader. Administrators are able to make practical & sensible decisions rather than following policies which are inflexible. Strange policy clashes don¡¯t arise & the emphasis becomes less on administration tactics & more on the philosophy itself. Administrative problems are quickly resolved.
10. The group/leader is the exclusive means of knowing "truth" or receiving validation, no other process of discovery is really acceptable or credible
Religious ethic (this one is a mess lol- suggestions please!)
Do not pressure other sects to follow your methods; each sect has their own way. If another sect is pressuring you then show them this document. The only time to interfere in another sects business is if members of the other sect ask you for help. At that time help in accordance with their wishes if it is ethical. Do not belittle other sects as you do not know if they have secret more advanced instructions that surpass yours.
If another sect is being unethical they will culminate many ex followers raising protest. Therefore the issue will automatically be resolved between the sect & its ex members. Therefore there is no need to criticize other sects as nature will take its course. The sect will have to adapt & stop upsetting people. If you think your sect is better than other sects you might be able to say this without it corrupting your heart but when everyone starts copying you & saying it and it becomes the norm what will happen? Offense, arrogance will arise in the disciples because they are human beings.
Advice ignored :
The group gradually transforms into people who are haughty & arrogant, looking down their nose at others. Newcomers sense this & the group gets a bad reputation in society. The habit of being big headed will filter into every area of the group¡¯s routine. The leader might say we are simply acknowledging that these teachings are better but the members being human will be prone to self importance and thus these problems will grow. They will start lecturing others with a know-it-all attitude & become bad listeners, believing that newcomers have nothing to offer knowledge wise. They will come across as controlling dictator type people, and being bad listeners be deemed uncompassionate & uncaring. Other sects will have no respect for the group & relations with them will deteriorate.
Advice taken :
The group maintains good relations with other sects. All people are valued as sources of knowledge. Newcomers feel welcome & listened to. Members are good listeners & are seen as caring & considerate. Many people gain spiritual insight from their listening & socializing skills.
I am writing a document that can be used to criticise cults and am seeking advice & ideas for editing it from former cult members. If you feel anything is missing or something could be said clearer please give me your opinion & ideas, thank you. I have been asking ex scientologists, ex brahma kumaris ex jehovahs witnesses ex mormons ex diamond way etc but this forum is by far the best place to understand what is abusive behaviour & what a group with healthy religious ethics would function like. So my question is would these 10 ethics destroy a cult or have I missed anything? You know all the abuse techniques so please edit away. Ultimately the document will be used like this document Code of Ethics for Spiritual Guides is used & feel free to send it to any apologists who claim their group is ethical to prove that it is not.
So far I have had suggestions to add ethics that prevent gossiping slandering rivalry & not respecting privacy ie asking people personal questions
It is 10 religious ethics based on Rick Ross's "10 Characteristics of a Cult
Document below
1. Absolute authoritarianism without meaningful accountability.
The religious ethic:
The solution to this is to have a feedback system where the feedback is valued & considered properly & addressed both by the leader & its administrators.
Would this solve it? Let¡¯s try an example out. In any religious organization, where celibates are running the show, if they have a sex scandal this is damaging. So let¡¯s apply my solution.
Feedback ignored :
always someone speaks up in the early stages. By discounting their evidence, the person with the hidden scandal will rise in the organization & later when in a high position it will almost always come to light. At that time¡Ü a lot of people will be affected. Most people will remember this scandal & think of how the person was hiding it, putting on a clean face. There will then develop 2 groups. The people trying to move on from the scandal & the people exposing it.
Feedback listened to :
Before the person gets power, the scandal is told. The person exposing it is LISTENED to & an investigation is done that establishes the truth. The accused clearly understands the catalogue of disasters that will come if they are dishonest & in caring for the reputation of the organization cooperates with investigation.
2. No tolerance for questions or critical inquiry.
The religious ethic: Again a feedback system that is not just a token gesture but genuine.
Listening to feedback is a great protector of religious groups. If 1 out of 10 people are finding a problem, then when you convert 1000 people, 100 of them will have a problem. So it is crucial to solve these problems & address these issues in the early stages.
3. No meaningful financial disclosure regarding budget, expenses such as an independently audited financial statement.
The religious ethic (please comment & revise)
Do not take large amounts of money from individuals. Find an ethical way to fundraise that is not this method. Do not lavish the leaders & admins with luxury whilst the new boy grinds away in a servile manner. Do not spend fundraised money on other than you declared it was for.
So the outcome:
Advice ignored :
Amongst the entourage of the leader, accountants & admins with time people naturally leave any organization & a few are unhappy. Those people produce financial information they were privy to that is an embarrassment. All the raised money ends up being spent on defending the group in legal circles. People come away in debt & with a feeling of having being used for their money. Due to their debts they cannot move on as it is a constant reminder so they stay bitter & naturally begin to warn others.
Advice listened to :
Although some people may become unhappy in certain circumstances and leave the organization they will not feel like they were used for their money. They can move on & not have any debts to remind them of the organization.
4. Unreasonable fear about the outside world, such as impending catastrophe, evil conspiracies and persecutions.
Religious ethic (please comment & revise this one really needs input)
Do not speak ill of the non believer. They are sponsoring your spiritual life, building your halls of worship, making the clothes you wear & providing a society in which all the things you need are given with ease. They are also supporting your religious freedom. Do not say they are degenerates, lower beings, foolish etc.
Always keep respect gratitude & valuing of the community. Keep good relations with neighbours and the community without any conversion agenda. Do not chastise people who want to read news & go outside & socialize. (Does this go against any traditional way of life?)
Advice ignored :
The larger community will always find out from former members that they are being spoken of as lesser or lower. The group will get a bad reputation in wider society for doing this. Without interaction with the community....(please suggest more readers thanks)
Advice taken :
The group is respected in society as a whole and is accessible & unmysterious. The help they give to the community with no agenda is admired and neighbours as well as friends and relatives of members feel comfortable.
5. There is no legitimate reason to leave, former followers are always wrong in leaving, negative or even evil.
Religious ethic (please comment & revise)
Do not coerce or pressure people in any way to convert so they then have to 'leave'. Do not let people take commitments/vows/contracts when they are not ready. People who have converted must be treated well if they choose to leave and not be put under any pressure to stay. They must be as free as a bird. Once they are outside they must continue to be treated well & respected with gratitude for their contribution before they left. If the philosophy is very different from world view then the person should be supported as they go back to their previous world view as it can be disorientating. Even traditional religions hold a strong view of the world & it is hard to move to a non religious view.
Advice ignored :
Members who inevitably leave develop mental health problems as they struggle to rebuild their belief system alone without any support. The lack of support brings them to believe they were being used because the friendships dissolved when they changed their beliefs. Feeling used & dumped they become resentful & bitter. Former members fill the internet with bitter propaganda against the group. People are hesitant to recommend the group as they feel that those they recommend might be pushed into a situation or used & dumped. The group gets a bad reputation. Members go through the motions because they are being forced to stay and have conflicting emotions/dual personality. They later speak of feeling unable to leave online which scares off newcomers.
Advice taken :
People go but they often come back & feel happy. They write on the internet that although it wasn¡¯t for them it was a good experience & they would recommend it to others. People invite their friends to the group feeling confident that they will be looked after and not pressured to adhere to anything. The group becomes a valuable resource that people can come & go with confidence using at their own pace. People who are there are enjoying & want to be there.
6. Former members often relate the same stories of abuse and reflect a similar pattern of grievances.
Feedback
7. There are records, books, news articles, or television programs that document the abuses of the group/leader.
Follow the feedback ethic & you don¡¯t end up in this situation?
8. Followers feel they can never be "good enough".
Religious ethic (please comment & revise - I am far off the mark with this one)
Do not treat new people & visitors different from converts. If you wouldn¡¯t do it to a new person don¡¯t do it to a convert & vice versa (Corboy's addition)do not treat rich young able people differently from sick elderly poor people.
Advice ignored :
Converts are like slaves whilst new people are lavished & praised or vice versa. Converts criticized & being judged on their personal life whilst new people are treated with tolerance & respect. Converts come away feeling used & like the love teaching is hypocrisy. Following this ethic solves many, many problems.
Advice taken :
During the early stages of the organization using this guideline of measuring converts and new people some inequalities in respect for people & valuing people are noticed. They are corrected & the organization becomes healthy with people feeling treated well & happy. Then later, when it is bigger there are not big problems. It also prevents convertees getting special treatment because the equality extends to that a new person could be a potential elder in the future & the convertee was one a new person & also a beer drinking hedonistic normal person.
9. The group/leader is always right.
Religious ethic (please comment & revise)
As a leader admit your mistakes. We are all on a spiritual journey together & seeing how you overcome problems will help us do the same. Purity is about your intention so if you are open to feedback on how to do things administratively this does not damage people¡¯s faith in you as long as you have a good intention of cherishing & respecting other people both converts & non converts.
Do not hide your faults & shortcomings. Do not discourage feedback by showing distress. If you are distressed by information, people who work for you will hide it from you. Do not teach arrogance by chastising people. Because then they will copy you. Do not be distant from your disciples as misunderstandings will develop if people cannot contact you. Do not dictate policy rather ask people for ideas. Of course the teaching cannot be edited but to administrate enforced control of people¡¯s activities & speech leads to rebellion & harm to everybody, yourself, your admins, current members & former members.
Advice ignored :
People endlessly seek to prove the leader doesn¡¯t have the qualities he claims. The leader comes to be seen as someone engaging in deception to arouse faith. Members enforce rigorously more & more ridiculous rules because of things they saw the leader do or say and all sorts of administrative problems arise. Because some of these strange policies conflict with member¡¯s wellbeing the leader is then deemed responsible for mistreatment of members and someone who teaches one thing whilst behind closed doors teaching to be heartless to members. The admins hide calamities from the leader and mistreatment. Forcing members to follow strange policies becomes the norm. In the end the group is more famous for these strange rulings that the philosophy they originally taught. Admins become like controlling, uncaring dictators.
Advice followed :
Overexcited members tell you to tie your shoes the way the leader does because he is never wrong & is divine etc but they are laughed off because the majority have a good open relationship with the leader. People feel able to express their views & feelings to the leader. Administrators are able to make practical & sensible decisions rather than following policies which are inflexible. Strange policy clashes don¡¯t arise & the emphasis becomes less on administration tactics & more on the philosophy itself. Administrative problems are quickly resolved.
10. The group/leader is the exclusive means of knowing "truth" or receiving validation, no other process of discovery is really acceptable or credible
Religious ethic (this one is a mess lol- suggestions please!)
Do not pressure other sects to follow your methods; each sect has their own way. If another sect is pressuring you then show them this document. The only time to interfere in another sects business is if members of the other sect ask you for help. At that time help in accordance with their wishes if it is ethical. Do not belittle other sects as you do not know if they have secret more advanced instructions that surpass yours.
If another sect is being unethical they will culminate many ex followers raising protest. Therefore the issue will automatically be resolved between the sect & its ex members. Therefore there is no need to criticize other sects as nature will take its course. The sect will have to adapt & stop upsetting people. If you think your sect is better than other sects you might be able to say this without it corrupting your heart but when everyone starts copying you & saying it and it becomes the norm what will happen? Offense, arrogance will arise in the disciples because they are human beings.
Advice ignored :
The group gradually transforms into people who are haughty & arrogant, looking down their nose at others. Newcomers sense this & the group gets a bad reputation in society. The habit of being big headed will filter into every area of the group¡¯s routine. The leader might say we are simply acknowledging that these teachings are better but the members being human will be prone to self importance and thus these problems will grow. They will start lecturing others with a know-it-all attitude & become bad listeners, believing that newcomers have nothing to offer knowledge wise. They will come across as controlling dictator type people, and being bad listeners be deemed uncompassionate & uncaring. Other sects will have no respect for the group & relations with them will deteriorate.
Advice taken :
The group maintains good relations with other sects. All people are valued as sources of knowledge. Newcomers feel welcome & listened to. Members are good listeners & are seen as caring & considerate. Many people gain spiritual insight from their listening & socializing skills.
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