Shakti, I think you're mixing names up. Cothsee is the one who is being dumped on.

Yes, the Joe108 is Gerald Moreno an internet stalker and fanatic. He thinks that I am a female devotee who left the group years back. Last time I checked, I was not female!

I should mention too that the cultofthehuggingsaint site was redone by some ex-devotees. See it [www.cultofthehuggingsaint.com] there is also a new book that was written by an ex devotee. It is an expose of Amma and the activities of the ashram. I bet the fanatic Joe will have his work cut out for him with this. LOL!

OK.

Please focus on the topic, which is the "Hugging Saint."

Oops, sorry, I screwed up, but understandably considering the names being used.

There are TWO Cothse's, one with one e, one with two e's. The one with one E is a cult apologist, the one with two E's is not and I apologize to them. I had assumed that the "Cothsee" posting here was a sock puppet troll just lurking on this board for their own purposes.

Cult of the Hugging Saint- good site, though flawed and vulnerable due to the strange beliefs and OTHER cults supported by its owners. Bronte, I like ya, but some of the stuff you're into is even WORSE than Amma!

Cult of the Huggin Saint exposed- apologist attack site modeled after $cientology "fair game" tactics.

Cult of the Hugging Saint Exposed Exposed- counter-apologist site meant to go after attackers of Cult of the Hugging Saint website.

hope that clears this up!

This is getting interesting...

From the Feel Good Girl website--more stuff on Amma

Thanks for the Free Publicity, “Cult Of The Hugging Saint” Exposed--descriptions of harassment suffered by the author following her earlier article on Amma

[feelgoodgirl.com]

(contains reports that Amma underfeeds and overworks her volunteers. And...this very troubling report from someone alleging that that Amma jeers at her western devotees during darshan because she is speaking Malayalam they are unaware of her contempt for them, whilst they trustfully love her and are grovelling before her. )

Quote


(exerpt)

"devotees who leave are attacked just as harshly as critics. probably because they are afraid ex devotees will turn into critics.

"do not forget this....amma has a financial empire to protect, the indian government in her back pocket, and thousands of western "slaves" running all of it. consider this when wondering why her critics are attacked with such zeal and cruelty. it is not mindless. they have been "trained" this way....

"she wants a team of western slaves building her empire but is p.o'ed that we have freedom of speech here and that the internet can be used to be critical of her.

"do you know that on many times she has been heard insulting westerners who are crawling up to her for darshan? calling them fat, stupid, etc? she does this in her native tongue, but many people have reported this over the years. she is very foul-mouthed, swearing in her native tongue.

"if you could speak malayalam and stood by her while she gave darshan you would cry.

"she is not what she appears to be this is certain. good for you for putting and keeping the truth out for all eyes to see. i hope more people will do this. the cult site is good but more people need to come out and say this is wrong.

(For this and other quotes read here:)

[feelgoodgirl.com]

Is Amma the Hugging Saint for Real?

[feelgoodgirl.com]



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 07/15/2009 11:26PM by corboy.

[forums.sulekha.com]

Article from an Desi website.

(The reference to 'Shudra' is to one of the lower castes, below the castes of Brahmin, Khstriya and Merchant. Note how one commenter tries to dismiss the critics as other Shudras jealous of an alleged Shudra (Amma) who has made good.

The take home lesson to American devotees of Indian gurus/esses is this: research the Indian political networks and agendas funded by your guru. Your dollars and Euros may be going to support a trend within Indian politics that would horrify you.

Dont go off in a blissful daze, thinking only of yourselves. Your bliss-love offerings may be going to support a chain of evil karma that is being kept hidden from you by the trappings of guru-theatrics.

You're being taught to worry about where your consumer goods are sourced from, whether they are 'green'.

Make damn sure your love offerings to a guru are not headed for a black hole of corrupt Indian politics.

Note the information about her links to Indian political parties and the use of charity to actually INCREASE global fundraising.

Quote

She is a handmaiden of the Sangh Parivar, especially the VHP, with its global fund-flows. The hug is her USP. Her media managers and fund-managers are the real miracle-workers, considering what they have made out of a simple woman with a knack for popular religious enactment and the energy to hug all and sundry...



RELIGION MAKES lots of money because of the universal belief that you earn merit by giving. The best of faith-founders have stressed compassion; so has humanism. For the modern individual, directly helping the needy is a messy business because you are forced to get involved. Presenting money or goods to a place of worship or to a godman/woman solves the issue neatly. Hinduism has a special place for the parityagi — he who renounces all. The way things turned out, it is the so-called parityagi who ends up making all the money! What fun!

Usual places of worship do not do so well in money-catching because they have no special charisma; or they must build up the god as a miracle-maker through competitive marketing. Big money flows only towards the talented individual who can create popular spiritual appeal and surround him/herself with a group of committed disciples.

Disciples are the key. By him/herself the godman/woman is like a nuclear reactor waiting to go critical. It is the disciples who trigger the money-machine and the supporting media blast. They have more at stake than the guru. Almost none of them is guru-material. They control immense wealth and power because of the guru’s talent. And when the guru is dead, a statue with an offerings-box can do pretty well too.


Mata Amritanandamayi Devi née Ms Radhamani fits Malayali decadence to a T. She is reckoned to be one of the country’s richest gurus. She is a handmaiden of the Sangh Parivar, especially the VHP, with its global fund-flows. The hug is her USP. Her media managers and fund-managers are the real miracle-workers, considering what they have made out of a simple woman with a knack for popular religious enactment and the energy to hug all and sundry...

Amritanandamayi has invested well too. She has an expensive TV channel which is a great conduit. All the millions invested into medical/engineering and other professional institutions go under the head of charity. But the same charity also demands capitation fees of about Rs 30 to 40 lakh for a seat in the professional institutions. Some millions were spent on building homes for the tsunami-hit. That was a God-sent credibility exercise because it looked almost like charity. It was the best mask Amritanandamayi’s millions have yet worn. It increased her money-gathering power a hundred times. As we know, what all godmen/ women don’t like is auditing and accountability. But then, can you audit God?

[guruphiliac.blogspot.com]: Big Fraud Fatty Mamma

Reply







Flat Nested Replies


sara Boji posted Re: Amma: Big Fraud Fatty Mamma on 2 yrs ago
:
: Mata Amritanandamayi Devi née Ms Radhamani fits Malayali decadence to a T. She is reckoned to be one of the country’s richest gurus. She is a handmaiden of the Sangh Parivar, especially the VHP, with its global fund-flows. The hug is her USP. Her media managers and fund-managers are the real miracle-workers, considering what they have made out of a simple woman with a knack for popular religious enactment and the energy to hug all and sundry...

: Amritanandamayi has invested well too. She has an expensive TV channel which is a great conduit. All the millions invested into medical/engineering and other professional institutions go under the head of charity. But the same charity also demands capitation fees of about Rs 30 to 40 lakh for a seat in the professional institutions. Some millions were spent on building homes for the tsunami-hit. That was a God-sent credibility exercise because it looked almost like charity. It was the best mask Amritanandamayi’s millions have yet worn. It increased her money-gathering power a hundred times. As we know, what all godmen/ women don’t like is auditing and accountability. But then, can you audit God?

===> Amma is herself a Shudra too. She was born in a fisherman's family.


Hide 1 reply Reply Report Abuse
gyanputra posted Re: Amma: Big Fraud Fatty Mamma on 2 yrs ago
:
: :
: : Mata Amritanandamayi Devi née Ms Radhamani fits Malayali decadence to a T. She is reckoned to be one of the country’s richest gurus. She is a handmaiden of the Sangh Parivar, especially the VHP, with its global fund-flows. The hug is her USP. Her media managers and fund-managers are the real miracle-workers, considering what they have made out of a simple woman with a knack for popular religious enactment and the energy to hug all and sundry...

: : Amritanandamayi has invested well too. She has an expensive TV channel which is a great conduit. All the millions invested into medical/engineering and other professional institutions go under the head of charity. But the same charity also demands capitation fees of about Rs 30 to 40 lakh for a seat in the professional institutions. Some millions were spent on building homes for the tsunami-hit. That was a God-sent credibility exercise because it looked almost like charity. It was the best mask Amritanandamayi’s millions have yet worn. It increased her money-gathering power a hundred times. As we know, what all godmen/ women don’t like is auditing and accountability. But then, can you audit God?

: ===> Amma is herself a Shudra too. She was born in a fisherman's family.

Apparently some Shudra jealous of Amma's wealth is very unhappy.

Amma is collecting cash from VOLUNTARY contributions and spending it without harming anybody as far as I can see - that sounds pretty good. It is clearly much better use of funds than what the church does in Kerala.

Quote

Is Amma on H1B? It seems to laid off Americans like another episode of an Indian offshore industry making money out of USA. Whether it is IT or so called sprituality based on Hinduism, yoga etc etc. The bottom line is the money from American pockets

From comments following an NPR article quoted below.


From a blog published by

Nonprofit News and Comment:

The Hauser Center for Nonprofit Organizations at Harvard University

http://hausercenter.org/npnews/?cat=19&paged=4

[webcache.googleusercontent.com]

RELIGION

“‘Hugging saint’ embraces vendors too: Indian spiritual leader Amma.” Marketplace. National Public Radio. July 6, 2009.

[marketplace.publicradio.org] the past 22 years an Indian spiritual leader named Amma has been touring the world preaching love and compassion and the healing power of a good hug. At 55 years old, Amma has hugged more than 28 million people since she gave her first hug in her native India, as a young girl.

Amma and her retinue carry on a brisk trade in clothing and other souvenirs, as well as accepting donations.

Signs at the boutique claim that 100 percent of net revenues go to her humanitarian projects in India.

Her Web site [www.amma.org] says she sponsors orphanages, schools, hospitals for the poor, soup kitchens, disaster relief programs.

But Amma’s volunteers refuse to discuss how much money she makes.

All of her organizations are registered as nonprofit religious groups, so they’re not required to file tax returns.

But the San Jose Mercury News puts her total worth in the hundreds of millions.


--------------

[marketplace.publicradio.org]

(tiny excerpt)

Quote

And of course there's shopping. Amma's official boutique travels everywhere she does. It sells books, CDs, essential oils, sweatshirts, and mugs stamped with the Amma logo. There are bracelets blessed by Amma, necklaces worn by Amma. For the kids, the stuffed Amma doll comes in three sizes, a small for $45, the large, with legs, for $185.

Betsy Barnett works the cash register at the boutique. She explains that all of Amma's staff are volunteers. They pay for their own travel, food, and lodging during the tour. Some even donate extra cash, in addition to their time.

BETSY BARNETT: So say someone donates $10, it's really like $100 because there's no overhead, there's no administrative costs, there's no health insurance being paid.

But apparently all that money isn't lining the folds of Amma's sari. Signs at the boutique claim that 100 percent of net revenues go to her humanitarian projects in India. Her Web site says she sponsors orphanages, schools, hospitals for the poor, soup kitchens, disaster relief programs. But Amma's volunteers refuse to discuss how much money she makes.

CHRISTIAN BATTALIA: I don't think it's appropriate.

Christian Battalia was selling lemon bars at the Amma snack shack.

BATTALIA: I actually don't take care of any of the money issues at the end of the day.

All of her organizations are registered as nonprofit religious groups, so they're not required to file tax returns. But the San Jose Mercury News puts her total worth in the hundreds of millions. Traveling the world giving free hugs seems to be a recession-proof fundraising strategy. Stacy Palmer is the editor of the Chronicle of Philanthropy.

STACY PALMER: People feel a very strong affiliation to their religion and to their obligations to give, so while every other cause typically sees some kind of decline during a recession, religious groups are usually insulated from it.

And if followers run out of sandalwood incense, they can log on to Amma.org and buy more. Vijay Menon volunteers every Friday at Amma's U.S. headquarters in San Ramon, Calif. He packs and ships orders to devotees in the U.S., Europe, Asia, even Antarctica.

VIJAY MENON: I think people want to feel a sense of closeness. So when Amma's not here they like to buy products.

So when the chanting drifts away and the smell of rose petals fades from the air, people will still have their Amma shampoo and tote bags to hold near their heart.

In San Ramon, Calif., I'm April Dembosky for Marketplace.

The comments that ensued mostly slugged NPR for daring to report on Amma in an objective, rather than devotional manner. Some of Ammas ardent defenders claim post graduate degrees, but apparently critical intellect gets shut off the instant Amma's name is mentioned.

One person wrote, quoting selections from Amma's talks and texts and for this reason is of interest.

Quote

I found these on the cult expose site about Amma the hugging saint. People educate yourselves. They way they present the hugging saint to the media and the way they operate otherwise is different. THEY TRY VERY HARD TO HIDE THE FACT THAT THIS IS A CULT. YES A CULT THAT WORSHIPS AMMA AS GOD:

YOU GET A HUG FROM A CULT LEADER?

SEE IN AMMAS OWN WORDS:

“AMMA IS AWARE OF YOUR MENTAL STATES ALL THE TIME- REGARDLESS OF
WHETHER YOU ARE PRAYING TO HER OR NOT AT THAT POINT.”

“In principle, God and the Guru are the same. But we may say that the Guru is higher than God. The Guru’s grace is something unique. If the wants, he can remove the effect of God’s displeasure. But even God cannot remove the sin that comes from dishonouring the Guru .” -Amma (quoted from the ashram website)

” Devotees call this ‘Krishna,’ ‘Devi,’ …..according to their faith. Amma is none of these, and at the same time she is everything. But she is also beyond. The entire universe exists as a small bubble within her.” – Amma (Awaken, Children Vol. VII p. 107)

“The more you surrender to the disciplining of the Master, with an intense feeling of love in your heart, the more you will come to know that it is your own mind that is strange, and not the Master”. -Amma (Awaken, Children Vol. VII p. 147)

“Unconditional obedience to Amma is what it means to really be with her.” – Amma (Awaken, Children Vol. VII p. 175)

“You are just a tiny bit of iron filling which is helplessly being attracted toward the all-powerful magnet of the Masters spiritual glory”. -Amma (Awaken, Children Vol. VII p. 181)

“The Master chooses you in order to save you. The fact that he has chosen you should be considered as a gift, which you don’t actually deserve.” – Amma (Awaken Children, Vol VII p. 182)

“When the ego, through the Master’s grace, is perfectly under control, the disciple does everything in the Master’s name. The Master does everything through him, and he himself has no place in what he does.” -Amma (Awaken, Children Vol VII p. 202)

“The Master will bind you with his love and he will become the absolute center of your life. In the experience of divine, unconditional love you have nothing to say. You will just silenty shed tears of love and longing.” -Amma (Awaken, Children Vol. VII p. 217)

“It can never be an exaggeration then to state that the Master is everything to a true disciple, even more than God.” -Amma (Awaken, Children Vol, VII p. 217)

“All your concepts and your judgement belong to your mind and have nothing to do with the perfect Master who is beyond the mind.” -Amma (Awakenm Children, Vol VII p.. 222)


“A true Mahatma is God himself. He doesn’t need to go to any temple or place of worship, because the place where he dwells is a temple in itself.” -Amma (Awaken, Children Vol. VII p. 228)

“Attachment to the Guru’s form with a firm awareness of his omniscience and all-pervasive nature is the perfect attitude.” -Amma (Awaken, Children Part 1 p. 92)

“In front of a guru, a disciple should be like a servant in front of his master. The servant has no opinions of his own, only complete obedience to whatever the master says–no opinions at all. ” -Amma (Awaken, Children Part 1 p. 169)

“Always remember that when mother says something it should not be taken lightly. It is the Supreme that makes her speak.. Whatever she says must come to pass either in the near or distant future because her words are not her own but are that of the Lord.” – Amma ( Awaken, Children Part 2 p. 96)

Another commenter wrote

Quote

Wow! It amazes me to hear so many comments speaking of snide cynical reporting. I didn't get that at all. All I got was how many peoplethere are who need to ''create" a saint or god to worship and that they'll always be someone to fulfill this for $$ of course.

(corboy comment to Amma and to all other Indian gurus who suck up the US dollars like Siberian tundra mosquitos)

Hey Amma Momma, the US is cash strapped. Meanwhile, your US disciples helped make YOU rich and poweful. They they gave you money and you dont pay tax on it.

Sooo how about showing some gratitude to the nation that trustfully allowed you into its borders to get access to its spiritually hungry hordes. You'd think that after the disasters of the 1970s, with Rajneesh/Osho, Muktananda, and Chogyam Trungpa and the Hare Krishnas in Orange County getting into drugs smuggling in the late 1970s that the US State Department would have wised up and issued shorter residential visas to incoming Indian gurus. But..noooooo.

So, Amma, how about giving some of the wealth back to the nation whose disciples gave you so much, both in terms of money and sweat equity, eh?

Plus those of us who do pay our taxes because we are citizens and not saints--weve been indirectly subsidizing you. All highways people use to drive to your San Ramon ashram are maintained by by the secular State of California.

PS, you can afford it. Gold is up to $1,700 USD an ounce as of this morning. Hock your crown and the some of the gold ingots you have in your ashram vaults.

A fellow who commented on the NPR piece wrote

Quote

I've attended a hug-in, and I'm at a loss to explain her appeal, except that she appeals to the incomplete sense of self that American consumer culture inculcates in most of us and the spiritual destitution that it such culture promotes.

I wish that Amma would spread the proceeds from her hugs more locally, rather than funnel it all back to India. These days, we're a third-world country, too.

Two groups rush to Ammas defense: Devotees, and Indian patriots who glad to complain among themselves about the real problems that go on in India, who themselves have to pay bakshish to get anything done, but who scream 'neo-colonialist' or 'India hater!' when Westerners dare to take issue with the same things these people do.

India was a nasty cruel place long before the Brits showed up. Both the Jains and the Buddhists sought ways to create alternatives to the ugly and cruel caste system that still poisons Hindu life and social relations today.

Indian gurus come to the US to suck money from us. We have a right to speak up. America's tax payers indirectly subsidize the religious tax exempts that these gurus set up the instant they find an accountant to advise them.

Refracted through one persons perspective. However, this does give a highly detailed
description of the social scene at an Amma event.


(Quote)There was no love there. If being manhandled like a puppet or a side of beef is love, then I’m just not interested. That’s not love. While in Amma’s perfunctory and mechanical embrace, I felt nothingness. Nothing.(quote)


[erishilton.wordpress.com]

So, I went to see Amma. My mom and I planned a girl’s weekend to SF to do some shopping, and decided to stop by to get our darshan on. Amma is known as “the hugging saint”. She tours the world giving hugs and preaching a supposedly simple message of love and compassion. She’s also known as the human embodiment of Kali, or the Divine Mother. Sounds right up my alley… Besides, I’ve been needing the healing to happen with all of my various spiritual and physical ailments.

Why not? uch of what I’ve gone through lately is a result of working with Kali. My mother and I decided to attend one of her morning programs together this past weekend in San Ramon, just to check it out.

We both went in with an open mind and an open heart… I had no expectations other than it was going to be an adventure, and that I’d probably learn something in the process.

I was expecting an environment that matched Amma’s message of divine love, compassion, and selfless service.

Instead, my mom and I were repeatedly stopped and haggled by Amma’s pushy white-clad program volunteers for different reasons. Multiple times we were interrupted for different reasons, asking if we’d registered, had our tokens, or if we wanted to volunteer to do a shift in the bookstore and cafeteria.

It seemed that everyone we encountered seemed tired, weary, pushy, impatient, or just in a bad mood. It was very disconcerting. My mom and I joked that it seemed like Amma’s followers needed a hug worse than we did!

There were far too many volunteers milling about and getting in the way of the crowd. It was a hindrance rather than a help. It made for a chaotic environment rather than a pleasant one. To act so sour and unkindly in a room full of wanting, needing, hurting souls in need of the amazing hug that will answer all their prayers? It seemed strange to both of us, but we finally managed to get through the crowd and took our seats.

We soon realized that we picked the wrong place to sit, as throngs of people navigated the aisle right next to us to browse in the bookstore.The commercial aspect of it all was more Disneyland than love and selfless service. I was shocked by the overwhelming amount of merchandise with Amma’s likeness. Pictures of Amma, CDs, Amma statuary, Amma dolls, and beads worn by Amma? All this is well and good, but it seemed excessive and unnecessary. She is little better than a mascot.

We both realized that people seemed to worship and pray to Amma like a goddess, which might explain all of the paraphanalia branded with her likeness. It reminded me more of a sporting event than a spiritual one. By the cash register, there was a basket of random items that had been given to Amma by others as an offering. All of them had price tags on them and were being resold! I have a hard time with that… It seems so unethical and rude towards her followers.

Someone had offered her a tube of Icy-Hot, probably thinking it would sooth her sore painful muscles after a 12-hour Hug-a-Thon. That’s a very thoughtful gesture, but it still ended up in the basket rather than being given to someone who needs it more.

I also noticed that in the giftshop, there was a discerning lack of any Kali imagery. I wondered if perhaps images of Kali-Ma might be disturbing to some in the West. How can Amma be the purported “human embodiment of Kali” and not reflect that side of her? The small handful of Kali dolls were too cute to really be frightening to anyone.

When the meditation started, I tried to calm and center myself but I started feeling uncharacteristically nervous, fluttery, and out of sorts. I’m familiar with guided meditation, but I’ve never had anything like that happen before.

I noticed a terrible knot of anxiety in the pit of my stomach, with my gut-brain reflex giving me a queasy “WARNING!!!” sign. I had no idea where it was coming from. I’m sensitive to energy and would normally take the time to do some shielding. I wanted to be respectful of Amma’s culture and tradition, so I did not take my usual course of action.

I got so dizzy and nauseous that I spent most of the meditation with my hands over my eyes and my head between my knees praying to Kali that I wouldn’t throw up. In my spiritual practice, I do work with Kali on occasion. This crazy wave of anxiety that I experienced has only happened a few times in my life, and it was always associate with Kali-Ma. My mom just thought my blood sugar was low, but it wasn’t. It felt like Kali was trying to give me a warning, although I could be wrong. My gut-brain is seldom wrong, and my gut-brain is where Kali seems to lurk.

Once the darshan line started, I grounded a bit and tried to feel a little bit better. Both of us waited and watched. My mom commented on how phony some of the people on the stage seemed. At one point, I looked up towards the darshan line, and noticed a woman who appeared to buckle at the knees in front of Amma. Out of spiritual ecstacsy? I thought maybe, until I noticed the attendants pushing and pulling at her as she tried to adjust the small child whom she held on her hip. This alarmed me a bit, but maybe she just lost her balance?

Pushy jerks, I thought. That’s not terribly compassionate or loving behavior.

As I reached the very last chair, there was a row of two or three people kneeling before Amma, waiting for their own hug. The attendants were chaotically forcing them down on their knees, with two or more shoving them forward. There was a couple in front of me…

A heavyset gentleman who winced in pain as they prodded at him to kneel. His wife held a one-year-old child on her hip. Just like the other woman from earlier, she lost her balance as they pushed her downward. She tried to keep her little one safely in her arms, but they paid her no mind.

Their only intention was to keep the line moving, not at all caring that she nearly dropped her child. They jerked her husband to his feet, and his knee appeared to give out and he sunk to the ground. They yanked at his shirt instead of helping him up

It hurt me to see this. There was no reason to be so rude and pushy.
Did they care? Did they try to be as gentle and loving as the woman three feet away from them is supposed to be? No. Not at all.

I figured out what I was supposed to do, which seemed to be kneel, duck and cover! As I went to kneel down on my own, I was pushed down by an attendant on the side while also being pushed forward by another in back of me. I was lost in the chaos of other devotees and bodies surrounding Amma, and there wasn’t a moment where some attendant wasn’t rushing me forward, pulling at me or pushing me down. Multiple people were asking me questions, but I had only momentary awareness of them.

(Corboy-if this happened, why was the author being asked multiple questions? This entourage behavior is not supportive of a loving exchange.

Worse, bombarding people with questions and grabbing and jostling people who expect a hug could risk trauma and dissociation, especially for devotees who are trauma survivors and seek healing. It risks re-enacting the brutal treatment that left them traumatized and seeking healing in the first place.

Whatever the reasons for the cattle call behavior described by the author, this is not loving behavior nor does it demonstrate care for those who are making Amma rich and powerful.)

(The author resumes) Iknow an attendant accepted my offering of flowers, but I couldn’t physically see (I bet they recycled them and put them back in the flower booth). I tried to cover my head. The noise and the heat from the bodies was unbearable. For a minute or two, I completely blacked out.

I was conscious of my feet being in the material world, but my head went somewhere else. I only saw white and nothing else. I don’t know where I was, but I was momentarily comfortable.

I felt someone wash my face and push my head towards Amma’s white robed knee. I felt a hand on my back, and I decided that I needed to let all that go, and just be in the moment. No turning back now! l felt my fist clench firmly in protest, but was not able to instruct my body to release it or even move. Amma hugged me, robotically, and very matter of factly as she muttered something in my ear. It was too garbled to make out any specific sounds, like static blowing in my ear. I felt this, but still could only see white. As she spoke, I drifted into a place of grey nothingness for just a moment.

It was blank, vacant, and felt like it was trying to squash my light. Within an instant, I was jolted back to reality. Someone pushed some rosepetals and a Hershey Kiss into my hand and two attendants jostled me from my stupor and pulled me away before I even got the chance to pull myself to my feet.

I still couldn’t see, but somehow I navigated through the throngs of devotees sitting at her feet.

I came to as they literally shoved me off the platform. It was a relief to find that I could finally see my own two feet on the carpet. When I finally got to a spot clear of people, I threw my hands up in front of me, as a gesture of protection.

I had no idea what was happening. I was lightheaded, dizzy, and felt spaced-out, like I was painfully coming down off of some quick and etheric high. I looked frantically behind me for my mom, who was a few spaces behind me in the darshan line, but she’d already been forced to kneel. An attendant stopped me and asked me if I’d like to sit down.

“No! I’m going outside now, thank you very much!” I snapped, completely lucid and completely pissed off. I did not enjoy that experience in the least. I hadn’t heeded my gut reaction that something was very wrong.

How did I feel? Terrible. Confused, bewildered, and angry. I was angry to see others treated that way with no one sensitive to their obvious needs.

I felt like Amma had invaded my space somehow, first through her followers and then through her odd effect on me. I felt like she wanted to take all that was good in me, just like Kali takes all of the bad.

There was no love there. If being manhandled like a puppet or a side of beef is love, then I’m just not interested. That’s not love. While in Amma’s perfunctory and mechanical embrace, I felt nothingness. Nothing.

I saw my poor mom wandering around just as dazed as I was. We quickly composed ourselves and left. Both of us decided that this was really more of a dog and pony show masquerading as spirituality. I’ve always been at odds with my relationship with Kali, but not anymore.

I don’t trust Amma, and I don’t think she is who she markets herself to be.

Later that night I had a dream where Amma’s eyes flashed white without pupils or irises, and her tongue lolled out fierce and fiery like Kali herself, and in that dream I told her to go away and leave me alone because

Amma is not welcome in my spiritual house. Ever.

I’m not alone in that…

[feelgoodgirl.com]
[www.illuminati-news.com]

I wanted an adventure, and my gods always deliver.

It’s June and things are finally getting better all over.

I’m thankful for all of my resources and I’m glad that I saw the writing on the wall.

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