My mom traveled with them for my entire childhood and has been out for the last 10 years trying to be a part of society. She just re-entered the cult after a brief stay in Hemet. Yes, they are very much still in motion. Here's an excerpt from a recent letter she wrote" And I am so thankful that life unfolded as it has as I have been able to rise up within myself and recommit my life to helping set up God's Kingdom here on earth. I now realize on a much deeper level that Amen is Christ returned. The brothers and sisters who have given their lives to serve continue to carry the message to everyone that it is necessary to no longer be involved in killing, to give life so that there can again be peace on earth. Just imagine what the world will be when the animals are our friends and when we can again trust everyone since they will have removed violence from their hearts and their minds and their lives.

I pray that you will be able to understand that God has called me to higher mission. My love of God comes first. "If any man love son or daughter, father or mother more than me, he is not worthy of Me." Matthew 10:37.

ANyhow, this is re-opening a tough chapter in my life, to say the least. Maureen Sanja Clarke's book is really helping me put it into perspective. I encourage any children left behind to read this. I also would really like to have us children who were left behind to form a support network considering what a unique situation it is and I am guessing we all could heal a bit from hearing each other's experiences.

Dear leftbehind,
My sympathies go out to you. I can certainly offer up my own experience. Although I can't provide much advice since I've pretty much given up myself. My mother and her husband have been out of the robe for a while now. But the divisiveness of the "cf-philosophy" holds strong & keeps most people @ bay, including myself. There remains this bizarre bubble, particularly around my mom, which prevents anyone from getting close to her. She literally thinks, "F*** everyone, all I need is Jesus." Maybe that's paraphrasing the quote yr mom used above, which is also referenced thoughout 'In the Wind' (interesting).

They are so willing to forfeit their obligations to this world for something seemingly altruistic --Ironically it ends up being a 100% ego trip, no? Exactly what they are against!?

Please email if there are any new developments or ??s you have fr me. Good luck.

Hi there non-hobbit,

Thanks so much for sharing some of your story here. It is incredible to have access to the thoughts of someone else who has had the same sort of bizarre abandonment for the barefooted, white-robed, lightning addiction. As evidenced by my log in name, leftbehind is my sister. Our mom left us for the CF in '78- we were 3 and 4 years old. Since our mom now states that she understands "on a much deeper level that Lightning is Jesus Christ in the flesh" this whole era/wound is taking new shape in my life. An ex-Christ Family brother, who traveled with my mom as her "soul brother" or whatever the term is, has been in touch with another family friend for years and basically states that the mind control of the cult mentality is an addiction and needs to be treated as such. It has been really helpful for me to see my mom in this light, as it helps me take her choices less personal and also understand that she has an illness (duh!)

I too have really appreciated In The Wind by MSC. It was far better read than I had expected and it helped fill in many gaps and helped connect me to my mother's life in such a unique way. I am left sorting through the attributes of the cult that seem somewhat reasonable and then the ones that have been totally destructive. Anyhow- I really just wanted to say hi to you, non-hobbit (love the name! tee hee) and anybody else out there who can relate to a band of white robes calling themselves angels coming into your childhood and forever altering your life.

Hello ~ sister-leftbehind:
I apologize for the long pause. I'd just been laid-off when I started posting and life has gotten busy again. However, I wish to say how much I appreciate your note & your story. This site means a lot to me, since i have always sought information about the CF as well as the ones who were left behind (but never quite knew how or where to begin). Also wondered how people came to terms with it -if at all. I, too, learned that my mother is still connected to Charles McHugh, albeit in a lesser way than your mother. My brother says she mailed him a birthday present recently. What's personally upsetting is that my own birthday just passed and I did not hear from her. Previously this type of news would effect me deeply. But I am letting go of my old expectations & trying to see things from a new perspective, knowing that what we are dealing with is indeed a remnant of said mind control, addiction, etc. [ps Don't you wish everyone had access to deprogramming groups like the one mentioned in the book??]

It worries me that she still believes in "amen" and refuses to hear outsider views of the CF; although, honestly, I wouldn't know how to broach the topic w/her. This is how estranged we are at this point in our lives. She remains isolated in her lifestyle yet earns a regular living and presumably engages with ppl, however superficially, in public. I do worry that she has no one to talk to at great length since she refuses to let people into her private & real life. While her husband keeps her afloat in a social sense, he is ignoring the larger problem of what I think is serious clinical depression and addictive personality disorder. And since you can not help those in denial, I remain at a loss.

Fortunately my brothers are close to her, physically & emotionally, so i know she has some real life exposure and guidance should she seek it. I would love to hear anything else you and your sister learn in the future. Having siblings is probably the greatest help we could ask for, no? best of luck to you both, and thanks again for writing :) I'll keep good things in mind for your mother as well.

Hi there, my story is quite different from you who were left behind, I was brought along. I honestly do not know what is worse, but for what it is worth, we got out, my mother also. My mother and my siblings have made a clean break, that was in 1981, and we never looked back. We are all happy, productive members of society, and want NOTHING to do with those wierdos.

So, yes it is possible to get free from all that nonsense, but the person has to want to. If your mother does not want to get away from all that, she will not, I am sorry but that is the truth. If you do not want to be affected by the negativity involved in that cult, then you have to keep away from it your own self, (divorce your mom). I am really so sorry to say this, but it is true, do not let them ruin your life. You are not a priority to you mother, it is not your fault, it is HER shortcoming. The best thing you can do is walk away, and get into therapy, reclaim the rest of your life.

My heart totally goes out to you!!! God Bless.

PP

Hello,

I was not a member of this group but am a private citizen who is trying to give a Jane Doe a name, she was found in May 1980 and murdered by a state trooper (at least he confessed to it). (Blue Earth Jane Doe - u can search web for story)

I need any information I can get of this group being in Southern MN recruiting, supposedly a van dropped her off at an exit close to Blue Earth,Mn...the state trooper who is definitely a sick puppy, supposedly pick her up, rape and killed her (tortured her too by pulling her fingernails out..sic sic sic)

Did the where robes in 79/80? Did they have any symbols as identifing themselves?
What other personal effects might she of had with her?
Would she have worn a camo jacket over her robe?
Her head was shaved but that could be anything..skinhead who was recruited...anything...

It was noted at the scene where she was found and again by the medical examiner that her feet were heavily calloused..apparently quite allot. Would that be cult related??

Any info would help...thank you

Also...anyone have knowledge of a member having a van or a 1974 vega in Southern MN???