Hello Rama Das,
First off, thank so very much for your support... I was scared to wits at first, really. Afraid of 'coming out'. But, like you have said very pointedly, I think I needed to do this - not just for myself but especially, especially so much for those that turn to all the wrong places seeking for answers that make them so vulnerable to be abused in the first place.
I feel for & my heart goes out to you reading what you have shared here.. I have not as yet looked up your story but I will. Yes, I was adopted for real. And, yes, the orphanage was based in Korea (hence, the 'military twist'). At the time I was taken in, it was still under US management (Holt Children's Services - they still have a 'vibration' of human trafficking, too, if you look at their "google" blurb "worldwide leading adoption agency
" - one might as well replace 'adoption agency' with car manufacturer', if you know what I mean).
Holt was founded in the 50s shortly after the Korean war by Harry Holt, a fundamentalist Christian. Korea was the first country to 'send their children abroad'. Today, Korea has not as yet signed the The Hague treaty that commits a nation to care for & look after their orphans or homeless children within their own country first. The Korean gov't to this day, makes ~U$1.7 million a year from offshore adoptions, most of which are 'shipped over' to the US. Some of that is truly harrowing - how they literally steal the newborn babies right from under the mother's belly on the table as she is still in a daze from giving birth signing some paper that is put under her nose, not really able to grasp the content.
That is only part of the whole horrible tale. A lot of it has to do with the Social Security system (modelled after the US system) because most of these women do so 'under wraps' but don't have the money to pay for their medical costs. So an 'agency' "steps in" & "offers" to take over the costs, as long as they 'sign' some paper - which are often adoption agencies, in to make a quick & 'cheap' deal on "fresh babies". I am not saying all adoption agencies are that unscrupulous but given the 'commercial figures' it does somehow lead to different conclusions that might be obvious at first sight. And, in the beginning, Holt was the only 'on location'. They have come under scrutiny too lately. But I don't think that human trafficking will ever be completely erased.
Adoption as plain human trafficking is still considered a taboo (much, like a few years ago, clergy abuse or incest were shoved under the rug). It's a "no-no". And so denial feeds on itself as you know.
Still, as I mentioned previously, it is only after
I went through my chronological adoption file that I found out the truth for what it was followed by my attempts to find out more about my biological parents which led to said discovery (I had been erased in the data file of Holt Int'l), rather than what SS tried to 'plant into my head'.
My file is one of the most complete I know of, incl. my x-rays, medical records, etc., all bearing the Holt stamp - after having learned on a forum with Korean Adult Adoptees & knowing their
sorry tale that a lot of the data of 'adoption material' is simply 'altered' (contorted) or flat out wrong in order to make them more "attractive" to 'potential customers'.
Even if SS did bring some of his books (which I didn't have to pay for at the time), with everything that happened thereafter, no books or "free reading" could ever have made up for the damage this individual inflicted to my soul, my psyche, my overall health.
I feel very much for you that your family has disowned you. My adoptive father was an alcoholic & he did the very same thing, too, when he left our house (I was 9 at the time). He'd cross the street when he'd see me in town, he'd run right past me in a café or restaurant being fully aware of my presence). He also claimed that he had no daughter. My adoptive mother was emotionally abusive (not really a surprise what with being married to a chronic, serious alcohol addict).
My quest for answers was what led me to seek out SS in the first place.
This is a link I came across in trying to find out more about this fraudster. It's a magazine called "Gear" & reportedly is a November issue. Maybe if somebody can find a hard-copy of this article & forward it to Mr. Ross, that would be a way to put together more solid data on SS.
I have been undergoing serious psychotherapy with trained professionals for over a year now. I have, as a result of finding out about my adoption background, in March this year, have had a nervous breakdown & did proper clinical therapy for two months away from home. I nearly didn't make it because I tried to 'check out' myself just a week prior to being admitted to the therapy clinic. It had become too much for me. The suffering, the pain, the loneliness.
What made the betrayal so multi-layeredely worse is that I have had a history with the US for as long as I can remember.
I never understood why
until this year. Holt, as I have said, is an American led adoption agency (in 1970 the management underwent a shift from US to Korean management but that was prior!
to my adoption).
I have had a "fascination" with America since my earliest childhood - and, I was the only one in my (adoptive) 'family'.
I wanted to live in the US, make my life there. Everything. And yet, because of the background (the trauma of being a 'commodity' - when a toddler & one has not established proper boundaries, one, eventually, out of necessity
, "trusts" those that will hurt the vulnerable, unable to protect themselves, orphan - that is exactly what happened. I 'trusted' those for who I was but a means to an end. It's happened over & over with other adoptees. I'm far from being an exception.
While it may sound as if I'm 'accusing' Americans, this is not the my intention. It is much more to better clarify where my 'attraction' to everything American came from. I've lived on & off for 4 years in the US (mostly CA) but I was never able to settle down there. It also explains why I have such a 'warped' relationship with the US. It couldn't be "healthy" if I tried because the root cause was unknown to me, much less having been resolved.
Which is why I kept going back to the very thing that had hurt & betrayed me from the get go. Unbeknownst to me.
And, in hindsight, it helps to better understand why this horrible man was able to trick me beyond my most awful imagination. And, why, when I found out the truth this March, I thought I was going implode
, suffocating from my pain, my anger, the multiple repeated betrayal
on more levels than is humanely imaginable for longer than I ever thought possible.
[I am not
alone, that much I know.
Otherwise there wouldn't be so many posts here. I most decidely do not
want to dismiss or, God forbid!, 'invalidate' anybody's difficult experiences - nothing could be further from my mind. If anything, I will try to help as much with my own insights, experience, awareness & also, the healing process, in small & appropriate 'dosages'.]
So, that, more or less, sums up why SS was able to twist my arm & hurl his vitriol, his abuse, his downright demonic energy at me the way he did.
I am not exaggerating when I say that he tried to destroy me. There is no other way to describe it.
Thank you for reading me & as I have said, if anyone can come up with printed press articles about SS that would make a case to at least have him listed here as a controversial/dangerous group leader, I would be very, very grateful.