People may laugh your doubts away, make you feel foolish.
They may even smile and say, of course we are a cult. They may claim that
people who have made complaints are disgruntled because of personal
Laughing things away is a highly effective way of invalidating your thoughts and emotions. Using humor strategically to deflect an adult's anxiety, anger, fear is disrespectful.
A big red flag is if you are told that if someone has been asking troubling questions, that you are not to talk to them but you must send them to whoever is in charge. You are paying money for this facility, you are volunteering your time at this facility, yet you are not trusted to speak for yourself with someone else who is concerned.
Worse, you are taken aside and attempts are made to get you to toe a party line that you've not even been told about
Or you're asked to name others who seem troubled by the situation. Ask yourself if you are being asked to tattle tale.
Asking questions is adult activity and it is participatory democracy. You are paying to support this place - don't let them shame you or marginalize you for asking questions/expressing misgivings.
Women are usually in primary caregiver roles along with work and usually feel tired and guilty juggling these three roles - though today, more and more fathers are in this situation as well.
If someone seems to be doing an affordable wonderful job helping us care for our elderly parents, educating and caring for our children, we are very dependent on them. We make friends with other parents there. We will not want to examine any doubts or misgivings we have.
But if you become afraid to examine your own fears and doubts, you are emotionally enslaved
, held hostage even if you are not a member of the church or sect which runs the facility.
You get into an inmate mentality, and lose full access to your mind and emotions both of which you need to be a fully functioning adult, partner, parent.
If you feel guilty about even thinking of going to someone outside of the situation and asking questions about the facility, whether others have had the same worries you now have -- feeling guilty and scared at the more thought of doing outside research is itself a RED FLAG that something in you fears
you are in a hostage situation -- a situation where you fear the exit costs
are more than you and your family can bear.
Never forget that you have customer rights.
Talk to someone outside of the situation. Schools and care facilities
are accountable to state regulatory agencies.
Therapists are accountable to moral and ethical guidelines.
Never let someone con you to believe that therapist or facility is the only one that can help you. That's how we get trapped.
Talk to people outside of the situation.
If you feel afraid to do even this -- that is worth examining.Women are usually the ones who become heavily involved in support of schools for their children and facilities for eldercare of their parents -- though today more and more men are in this situation as well.
If a fanatical group or cult operates or infiltrates a school or care facility you're dependent on, you might never get involved with the doctrines of the group, but over time your participation might slowly change to hostage syndrome, like wood that,
under unusual and specific conditions becomes petrified.
Rick Ross, CEO of Cult Education Institute got involved when he discovered a church had infiltrated his grandmother's nursing home.
"Q How did you end up being a cult expert?
A My grandmother got me involved. She lived in a nursing home that was infiltrated – that is, the paid staff were – by a particular fringe religious group that targeted the elderly. "
Waldorf schools are notorious for concealing information about their doctrine when offering school services to parents.
You deserve to know the actual complete doctrine behind any school or facility where you pay for services and, often volunteer your time. If you do not know this, you are expected to follow a set of unwritten rules which is crazy making.
Our Brush With Rudolf Steiner
by Sharon Lombard
It all starts when you come to believe that this therapist, the school your child is in, the eldercare facility, is your only option.
At first you are thrilled because you've been flattered to believe, assured by other families, that this facility or therapist is the best, that the others are inferior, less affirming of your or your child's full potential, less empathetic with eldercare.
But what if, over time, an incident here, an incident there adds up and you start getting the creeps. Or you find yourself at the bottom of a hierarchy that no one admits exists.
Recognizing that your self respect is being compromised exposes you to a predicament with high exit costs. You may know nothing of the doctrines of the sect that runs your child's school or your elderly parent's care facility, but your emotional life is tied up in knots.
Something is going on in your therapy, or at your child's school or your parent's care facility. You don't share the religious beliefs of your therapist, your children's teachers or those who sponsor your parent's care facility.
Little things happen when you are part of volunteer work supporting this facility.
Something is going on that offends your beliefs. Your self respect and your boundaries are under siege.
Yet you have come fear you cannot get the same kind of care anywhere else.
In a situation like this, you see each insult or incident as something that is isolated, then you persuade yourself that someone did not mean it, or that you're making something out of nothing, or everything else is so wonderful, why rock the boat.
What you do not do is remember each incident and then ask if these are part of a long term problem.
Your child is affected or your parents, if it is a school or eldercare facility.
You have finally, have a routine going that supports your work and your marriage and perhaps (miracle!!!!!) your budget, too.
To exit all that because you are getting the creeps or your boundaries are offended seems crazy and unreasonable.
This is called cognitive dissonance.
If we fear that the cost of leaving is too high or too terrifying, most of us cannot consciously bear to entertain any doubts or disturbing emotions or subversive insights.
These, financial hardships and social consequences, form the exit costs.
Most of us suppress our doubts and hope we are mistaken or tell ourselves that things will get better.
Few people will validate our concerns; many will invalidate them.
Women (and, increasingly, men) can get hostaged into bad situations because of their roles as parents and caregivers. If women rely on services or institutions (schools, eldercare facilities) and the agencies and personnel do a wonderful job, a tired mother or daughter has high exit costs if over time she gets powerful gut feelings
that something is seriously amiss.
If you find yourself getting a painful sweaty feeling in your gut when something comes up that raises your own doubts or questions -- misgivings and emotions you do not want to have -- this signals you are in a situations wher you feel trapped. You feel trapped because the you fear the exit costs of leaving are more than you, your child or your parents -- and your WALLET - can bear.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/12/2018 10:49PM by corboy.