For the longest time
I really believed we were all so cool
and beyond all that fanatical and cult stuff.
We were the real deal.
We had the real enlightened dude.

I finding a book on cults in someone's library
when I was in my cult.
I scoffed, but took a look.
I don't remember the author.
I do remember getting really disturbed
because it was hitting the nail on the head
and disturbing my peace,
my enlightenment,
my self righteousness,
my programming.
If true, my guru's an idiot
and I am one too.
I put the book back angrily
and avoided the subject for years.
I could not accept until much later
what a complete self-serving dog
my guru was.

(Well put Dassi!)

The awareness was growing of the "bad signs" when I was part of it all, (....but surely they were just passing "human foibles" and the greater "fundamental truths" still held!!!)

Even when I first made my way out, I was still unable to to view the world other than in the terms of how I had been taught to interpret it for so many years...

Besides the confusion, the guilt at not being made of the "right stuff" to have been able to continue with it, nagged away.....(One hardens when you come to hear of the experiences of other former members....)


(Oh and I enjoy reading your posts about the efforts to stand up to Chris Butler....!)