Quote
1) How do bullies select their targets?
The bully selects their target using the following criteria:
bullies are predatory and opportunistic - you just happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time; this is always the main reason - investigation will reveal a string of predecessors, and you will have a string of successors.
Quote
3) Personal qualities that bullies find irresistible (excerpt from a longer list)
*high expectations of those in authority and a dislike of incompetent people in positions of power who abuse power (If you believe in gurus, you are gonna have high expectations of those in authority-Corboy)
*a tendency to self-deprecation, indecisiveness, deference and approval seeking
low assertiveness (Corboy note: If you do not start out with those qualities, spending time in the New Age cultic milieu will socialize you in this direction. You learn to take things on faith, bow, show deference to strange behavior, give others the benefit of the doubt and this can set you up to, at a later time, become perfect bully fodder if you wander into the cross hairs of a bully who is looking for another human being to use as a toilet)
*a need to feel valued
*quick to apologise when accused, even if not guilty (this is a useful technique for defusing an aggressive customer or potential road rage incident)
*perfectionism
*higher-than-average levels of dependency, naivety and guilt
*a strong sense of fair play and a desire to always be reasonable (social assets when you are with decent people, and leaves you nakedly vulnerable when with a bully who is charming you and has not yet revealed the hidden Mr HydeCorboy)
*high coping skills under stress, especially when the injury to health becomes apparent
(Note: people to get panic attacks and easily break down into stress illness dont last long as bully fodder. They get sick or disabled and have to leave. They do not know how lucky they are, and sadly, risk assuming they are weaklings. By a paradox strong and resilient people risk staying long enough with a bully to incur very much deeper harm. Corboy)
*a tendency to internalise anger rather than express it
(Intelligent bullies avoid anyone who is capable of calling them on their stuff.
However some bullies may recruit violent people and use them as favorites, siccing them on scapegoats within the group. This is an inviting set up for violent types who want to rationalize what they do as as spiritual service (seva) to a guru. Its still violence, whatever you call it. Muktananda reportedly used scary people to frighten
the earliest persons to dissent.
In the very worst situations, a bully may cause anger ridden scapegoats to lash out at each other, or pursue dissidents with verbal abuse, instead of directing thier anger where it belongs--a leader who has brought out the worst in them, not their best. Corboy)
The typical sequence of events is:
8the target is selected using the criteria above, then bullied for months, perhaps years
eventually, the target asserts their right not to be bullied, perhaps by filing a complaint with personnel
*personnel interview the bully, who uses their Jekyll and Hyde nature, compulsive lying, and charm to tell the opposite story (charm has a motive - deception)
*it's one word against another with no witnesses and no evidence, so personnel take the word of the senior employee - serial bullies excel at deception and evasion of accountability
(Corboy note-remember, this article refers to the secular world. Imagine a bully supported by a diseased guru culture that excuses every behavior of a guru and puts all onus onto the target)
***the personnel department are hoodwinked by the bully into getting rid of the target - serial bullies are adept at encouraging conflict between people who might otherwise pool negative information about them
*once the target is gone, there's a period of between 2-14 days, then a new target is selected and the process starts again (bullying is an obsessive compulsive behaviour and serial bullies seem unable to survive without a target on to whom they can project their inadequacy and incompetence whilst blaming them for the bully's own failings)
*even if the employer realises that they might have sided with the wrong person in the past, they are unlikely to admit that because to do so may incur liability
***if legal action is taken, employers go to increasingly greater lengths to keep targets quiet, usually by offering a small out-of-court settlement with a comprehensive gagging clause
*employers are often more frightened of the bully than the target and will go to enormous lengths to avoid having to deal with bully (promotion for the bully is the most common outcome)
Quote
*once the target is gone, there's a period of between 2-14 days, then a new target is selected and the process starts again (bullying is an obsessive compulsive behaviour and serial bullies seem unable to survive without a target on to whom they can project their inadequacy and incompetence whilst blaming them for the bully's own failings)
Quote
3) Personal qualities that bullies find irresistible
Targets of bullying usually have these qualities:
honesty and integrity (which bullies despise)
you're trustworthy, trusting, conscientious, loyal and dependable
a well-developed integrity which you're unwilling to compromise
you're always willing to go that extra mile and expect others to do the same
imaginative, creative, innovative
idealistic, optimistic, always working for improvement and betterment of self, family, the employer, and the world
ability to think long term and to see the bigger picture
sensitivity (this is a constellation of values to be cherished including empathy, concern for others, respect, tolerance etc)
slow to anger
helpful, always willing to share knowledge and experience
giving and selfless
difficulty saying no
diligent, industrious
tolerant
strong sense of honour
an inability to value oneself whilst attributing greater importance and validity to other people's opinions of oneself (eg through tests, exams, appraisals, manager's feedback, etc)
low propensity to violence (ie you prefer to resolve conflict through dialogue rather than through violence or legal action)
a strong forgiving streak (which the bully exploits and manipulates to dissuade you from taking grievance and legal action)
a desire to always think well of others
being incorruptible, having high moral standards which you are unwilling to compromise
high expectations of those in authority* and a dislike of incompetent people in positions of power who abuse power (Anyone who honors the guru role will have some of this)
a tendency to self-deprecation, indecisiveness, deference and approval seeking
('Approval seeking, as in giving a damn what color or level you occupy on Ken Wilber's classification scheme. Corboy)
low assertiveness
quick to apologise when accused, even if not guilty (this is a useful technique for defusing an aggressive customer or potential road rage incident)
perfectionism
a strong sense of fair play and a desire to always be reasonable*
(Bullies pretend to be reasonable, often when in public but show their primitive side in private, as soon as they figure no authority figure is looking. They are driven by personal needs which are unreasonable. A favorite bully tactic is to get all sweet and reasonable suggest you are the one being crazy if you start setting limits or want to end the relationship. Corboy. )
high coping skills under stress, especially when the injury to health becomes apparent
a tendency to internalise anger rather than express it
Quote
The typical sequence of events is:
the target is selected using the criteria above, then bullied for months, perhaps years
eventually, the target asserts their right not to be bullied, perhaps by filing a complaint with personnel
personnel dept interview the bully, who uses their Jekyll and Hyde nature, compulsive lying, and charm to tell the opposite story (charm has a motive - deception)
it's one word against another with no witnesses and no evidence, so personnel take the word of the senior employee - serial bullies excel at deception and evasion of accountability
the personnel department are hoodwinked by the bully into getting rid of the target - serial bullies are adept at encouraging conflict between people who might otherwise pool negative information about them
Quote
Ur-Fascism can be defined as irrationalism.
3. Irrationalism also depends on the cult of action for action's sake.
Action being beautiful in itself, it must be taken before, or without, reflection. Thinking is a form of emasculation. Therefore culture is suspect insofar as it is identified with critical attitudes. Distrust of the intellectual world has always been a symptom of Ur-Fascism, from Hermann Goering's fondness for a phrase from a Hanns Johst play ("When I hear the word 'culture' I reach for my gun") to the frequent use of such expressions as "degenerate intellectuals," "eggheads," "effete snobs," and "universities are nests of reds." The official Fascist intellectuals were mainly engaged in attacking modern culture and the liberal intelligentsia for having betrayed traditional values.
Quote
9. For Ur-Fascism there is no struggle for life but, rather, life is lived for struggle.
Thus pacifism is trafficking with the enemy. It is bad because life is permanent warfare. This, however, brings about an Armageddon complex. Since enemies have to be defeated, there must be a final battle, after which the movement will have control of the world. But such "final solutions" implies a further era of peace, a Golden Age, which contradicts the principle of permanent war. No fascist leader has ever succeeded in solving this predicament.
Quote
11. In such a perspective everybody is educated to become a hero.
In every mythology the hero is an exceptional being, but in Ur-Fascist ideology heroism is the norm. This cult of heroism is strictly linked with the cult of death. It is not by chance that a motto of the Spanish Falangists was Viva la Muerte ("Long Live Death!"). In nonfascist societies, the lay public is told that death is unpleasant but must be faced with dignity; believers are told that it is the painful way to reach a supernatural happiness. By contrast, the Ur-Fascist hero craves heroic death, advertised as the best reward for a heroic life. The Ur-Fascist hero is impatient to die. In his impatience, he more frequently sends other people to death.
12. Since both permanent war and heroism are difficult games to play, the Ur-Fascist transfers his will to power to sexual matters.
This is the origin of machismo (which implies both disdain for women and intolerance and condemnation of nonstandard sexual habits, from chastity to homosexuality). Since even sex is a difficult game to play, the Ur-Fascist hero tends to play with weapons -- doing so becomes an ersatz phallic exercise.
[news.yahoo.com]-Quote
Parents who want their children to discover a passion for music, sports, or other hobbies should follow a simple plan: Don't pressure them.
By allowing kids to explore activities on their own, parents not only help children pinpoint the pursuit that fits them best, but they can also prevent young minds from obsessing over an activity, a new study finds.
"Passion comes from a special fit between an activity and a person," said Geneviève Mageau, a psychology professor at the University of Montreal.
"You can't force that fit; it has to be found."
The study focused on what psychologists call autonomy, the basic need to feel like you're acting based on your own values and desires, not those of others. Controlling parents chip away at their child's autonomy, by pushing them into a hobby, the researchers say. So when the kid picks up his clarinet it's not out of a desire to play music, but due to a sense of obligation or a fear of disappointing his parents, according to Mageau.
To connect passion to autonomy, Mageau and colleagues performed three studies in which they surveyed hundreds of athletes and musicians ages 6 to 38 with different skill levels.
The surveys asked questions about the subjects' level of passion, such as how often they practiced a hobby or how much they loved it.
The psychologists then measured how much volunteers agreed with statements such as, "I have a tough time controlling my need to do this activity" to determine if their passion was obsessive and interfering with other aspects of their lives.
To measure autonomy, the researchers also asked participants whether they agreed with statements such as, "I have a say in what happens and can voice my opinions regarding my activity."
In one study, the researchers followed 196 middle-school students as they picked up a musical instrument for the first time. After five months, the psychologists found that one major variable that predicted whether children developed a passion for music was if their parents allowed them the freedom to practice on their own schedule.
The passionate kids on average scored 9 percent greater on the autonomy scale than the non-passionate kids, which is a big effect in a psychology study, Mageau said.
The two other studies also showed that children who had little autonomy but did develop a passion for an activity were more likely than others to take it too far, becoming obsessed with the hobby.
Not only could these children miss out on truly enjoying their hobby, the result could grate on their self-esteem, according to the researchers. Obsessively passionate people attach their self-esteem to the pastime: If they play the clarinet flawlessly one night, they feel great, but if they miss a note, they can get depressed.
One of the three studies involved swimmers, skiers and musicians performing at a national level.
Results showed that the participants' level of autonomy best predicted if they had an obsessive passion compared to a harmonious one, with higher autonomy linked with harmonious passions.
This *freedom* mattered more than the child's own desire to specialize in their hobby.
The difference between forming a healthy and an unhealthy passion is to strike a balance between, say, the clarinet and hanging out with friends. "They don't see [the activity] as defining their whole self," Mageau said. "It's a big part of who they are, but they have other interests too."
But the study's results don't mean parents should let their kids run wild.
"I'm not telling parents to let their kids do whatever they want without limits," Mageau said.
"The most important message is to focus on the child's interests and not to impose one's own on them." (unquote)