My 18 year old (unfortunately not a minor) moved into the mountains (Bailey/Conifer, CO) with a girl that she had only known for a few weeks. The move was in June and since then, my daughter has completely isolated herself from her entire family and ALL of her friends. Initially, she stayed away, but was still calling and sending me "I love you" messages. After about a week she started telling me she was "getting closer to God". She became very defensive about questions. Within 3 weeks of the move she "lost" her cell phone, but gave me the phone # to the house she was living in. After a few weeks, they stopped answering the phone and would not return calls. During the time I was able to talk to her, she was hired full-time at a convenience store (working with the same girl she was living with), so I called her a couple of times there to be sure she was OK. I called her 2 (maybe 3) times in about 6 weeks and went up to see her twice (she was not there the first time).

The few conversations I was able to have with her, she carried on about how "she is where God wants her to be" and that I "just would not understand." She would quote biblical verses without being able to tell me where they came from and anytime I questioned her, she would only answer me in subsequent conversations or messages.

This is what Holli (my daughter) has learned from this girl (probably group):

1. She told me she needs to "decrease [b:84cfd1cf03]my[/b:84cfd1cf03] relationship with her, in order to increase her walk with God". I believe this stems from the "informational" verse John 3:30 and being used as an "instructive" verse.

2. She has validated her choice to isolate herself from me by quoting Matthew 10:34-40 (referencing God will take mother from daughter, father from son, etc.). This, again, is taken out of context.

3. She tells me "This is where God wants me".

4. I have been told by one of the former roommates (of the girl my daughter is living with), this girl pushes God but is very secretive. She goes to bible study, but not church. When the former roommate asked to join her in the bible study, she would not let him go with her.

5. Holli now goes camping every weekend, but will not talk about where she goes or what she does. (She never enjoyed camping)

6. I know my daughter did not "lose" her phone without wanting to replace it..... she sent/received about 3000 text messages every month...that phone was [u:84cfd1cf03]never[/u:84cfd1cf03] out of her hands...she slept with it.

7. My daughter has changed her look and personality. She once was a very adorable, bubbly, well-liked girl...she wore a little make-up and liked looking cute. Now, she is not wearing make-up, not showering very often, wearing the same clothes, etc.

8. I took a new phone to Holli last week....she told me to leave and refused the phone. She said to go home to "read the letter". The next day, I received the letter telling me to stay away from her, not to call her, not to send anyone to see her. She said if I try to see her, she will call the police and file a restraining order against me. My daughter and I have always been very close. Her "myspace" account used to reference me as her best friend and hero (by the way, her once daily log-in to myspace has not been logged in since 07/30/06). She was always very open and honest with me.

What is this and how can I stop it?!?!?!?!

Unfortunately, it sounds very much like a cult. Here are some ideas on positive action you can take.

- Perhaps you can speak to the local police, since it may appear that she is being held against her will. If nothing else, they can go and inspect the property to talk to some of the people to get an idea of what is going on.

- Maybe you can alert the county Health/Fire Commissioner that the facility is being used as a multi-person dwelling illegally. If it is being used illegally to house a lot of people in a dorm style facility, you can ask the Fire Dept to check it for fire violations as well. Perhaps if they find that it is being used in violation of local health/fire codes they can shut it down.

- Another thing you can do is look up information about the property owner in the County Property Tax Assessor's office. Then you can use the Web to find out more information about the group/person who is leading it.

- Do your best not to despair. I know it may be difficult, since I was in a similar situation a few years back. The key thing that that drove my fear was the lack of knowledge about the cult. Try to get as much information as possible and also read up on this site about cults in general. The more information you have the less scary it will be since you will be dealing with a known entity. Cults are not all-powerful as they would like us to believe.

When I first realized that my bf was in a cult, and I had no idea what his particular cult was all about, I could not find any information regarding that cult because there was really nothing written or posted about it. I, along with others were able to expose his cult on this forum and consquently that cult is now being seen for what it really is....an abusive destructive group.

I read two books that helped me understand, "Releasing the Bonds" by Steven Haasan, and "Cults in Our Midst" by Margaret Singer. Both were extremely helpful for me in understanding the nature of cults and how to communicate with a cult member. I think that if you are on this website that you probably have a clear understanding about cults, however, those books are usually available at the library and easy to read.

I also did property searches regarding the "houses" that were utilized by the cult to find out who owned them and if there were any laws being broken in regards to their usage. There was not. Because I have friends in the real estate industry I was able to get a lot of information regarding the properties in question.

It wasn't until I gained the knowledge of what the group was all about and then I was able to convinced his family that he was in an abusive organization. Once I had the information regarding the cult, I was not as fearful of it.

It is however very fearful to be in the unknown and to expose his group.

Finally, he was professionally exited. As fearful as his immediate family was of losing him forever to the cult if they confronted him, it ended up being a very loving experience. He is thankful daily for that expression of love, because he was able to see clearly what he was involved with.....but it took an expert.

The problem is that his family waited so long, and because they waited to get professional help, he is now experiencing more emotional trauma and problems than he would have. Post traumatic stress disorder.

Your daughter sounds like she might be young. The sooner you act the better and I admire your boldness to investigate your daughter's life. As the parent it is easy to slip into denial and think that she is doing her own thing.... growing up.... experiencing life..... and you may even be convinced that she is happy. That is what my boyfriend's family did.

It took years and many hearts were broken before they finally acted.

Just my opinion and experience.

heidi, have the deepest sympathy for you.Steve Hassan's web site( think it is called freedom of mind?) has a good amount of information about how to communicate with a group member so that they feel less threatened. he has a section that recommends things like grandma sending her favourite cookies along, and if they are well received sending them again on a regular basis. Anyway, some of his ideas may be helpful to you.Good luck, Yasmin

Also see [www.culteducation.com]

This is a list of suggested "Coping Strategies."

Perhaps this is the result of societal pressure on people.

Conformity is breeding this.

Sounds like a 'mind-control' cult.

It is unfortunate that the Bible is being quoted (or rather misquoted) out of context. Cults very often do quote Bible verses out of context and make subliminal suggestions to the 'victims' resulting in disastrous consequences.

It appears that your daughter has been persuaded to take Matthew 10:34-40 literally. To understand the true nature and purpose of Jesus's teachings, one needs to pray and turn to the Holy Spirit. Unfortunately, very few does - resulting in the Bible being the most misquoted book in the whole world - mostly by cults and anti-Christians.

In India, radical fundamentalists are known to misquote the Bible greatly (quoting Jesus eg. Luke 12:49, Matthew 10:34-40) and persuade gullible people to believe that Christianity is all about destruction, violence and betrayal. Very unfortunate indeed.

A few suggestions -
[1] Find out which order this cult belongs to. Hire a private detective if necessary. Plant a spy in their midst to find out the cult's teachings (including doomsday prophecies, if any), about their leaders, their origin, etc. Before entering the ring, one should know one's opponent thoroughly, especially the weaknesses.
[2] Write a letter to your daughter, using "I message." Let her know how much you miss her and love her and would like to meet her some day. include in your letter details of those timeless and precious moments both of you have spent together and how much you cherish those moments. Your daughter is now under the cult's control and unfortunately she is not aware of it. Any wrong move on your part (showing temper at her, forcing her to come back to you, calling the religious order that she has joined a 'cult' and insulting the 'cult', etc.) may result in disastrous consequences and may force her to defend her decision, defend the cult and force her to withdraw away further away from you.
[3] Keep continuously in touch with her through letters, picture postcards, etc. if she does not want to answer your call, do not force her to. From time to time send photos of yourself (alone, with your daughter, or other family members) and on the back, you may scribble "Wish you were here", "Missing You", "Lots of love and hugs" etc. People are usually drawn to cults because of mainly two reasons - [1] they get to know and learn something new and exciting and perhaps dangerous (it makes them
feel that they belong to an exclusive group, a super-secret group) [2] they are seeking love.

The first reason wears off soon and cult members become bored if the cult's leader fails to churn out new philosophies/revelations regularly. However, the second reason is stronger for cult members to continue staying in the cult if they feel that they are "wanted" "needed" and "feel accepted" more in their peer group (in this case, the cult).
Look back, reflect - though you say that your daughter loved you a lot and vice versa, yet, was there something that always held her back, something regarding which she could never open up to you? Did you and your daughter disagree or fight or quarrel regarding anything under the sun prior to her joining the cult? Retrospect, reflect and the answer may be very well be staring before your eyes.

And, finally, meditate on the parable of the prodigal son. Your daughter is the prodigal son who wishes to be away from the father. The prodigal son who wants an independent life, seperate from father. But can anyone be without father (spiritual or biological)? Do not worry. Your daughter will not be away for long. Pray to Father so that the Holy Spirit prevails on her and open her eyes to the truth, so that she can truly see and know the cult as it is. Like the prodigal son, your daughter is displaying deviant behavior. She will come to her senses soon and be back.

Till then, keep praying to God to give you wisdom and strength and continue expressing your love for her thru letters, picture postcards, e-mails, etc (and yes, do keep on leaving "I love you" messages in her blogsite regularly. Perhaps she is not checking out her blog now, but someday she will and she will realize your deep love.) And, last but not the least, be prepared to embrace her when she comes running back to you, forgive her without judging her, and celebrate for you will have got back your daughter who was "dead' and has come "alive" again.

I will remember you and your daughter in my prayers. God bless.

Some good advice.

See [www.culteducation.com]

This section within the database offers effective "coping strategies," which might be helpful.

I hope she comes back to you soon. I also hope that some thing can be done about these goups that prey on young people. College is a time to get to know your self, and to form relationships with family, friends, and develop or grow deeper in your relationship with God. Honoring your mother and father is honoring God, and giving the glory to God. These groups wanting to exploit the youth of people for the goals and pursuits of their own purpose or worse the purpose of their "leader" is so terrible.

I hope she comes back to you, and back to God, when she comes back, guide her not to stray from the grace and love of God because of those who twisted the Word.

May God Bless you and your daughter with wisdom and grace

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May God Bless you and your daughter with wisdom and grace

I second that...I'm so sorry for you my dear. I do hope things work out for the best for both of you.