Analysis of this aggressive relationship and possibly cult:
Posted by: Peter_EU ()
Date: April 29, 2020 02:19AM


My apology in advance for my limited English.

Long story short, I have been trapped for 15 months in what appears to be a cult. That cult name was Hes Dance School, and it was part of dance sport organization Czech Dance Sport Federation, which is Member of World Dance Sport Federation.

The school was most certainly abusive, manipulative and controlling, along with other major schools in Prague: STK Praha, Sparta, Standarclub Praha and maybe others there. These for certain. I have a suspicion that entire Dance Sport, which is smt. like governing body of ballroom dances (Waltz, Quickstep, Slowfox, Jive, Balroom Cha Cha, Samba...) is not a dance, or not any more, but abusive cult.

Yes. I am in a process of investigating the issue.

I wanted to ask following question about relationship I had with one woman (It kinda... does not let me sleep):

I met one woman, rather less experienced but quite capable dancer. For some reason, I felt incredible attraction towards her (and it really felt she did to me). This was after some degree of abuse there and she was the first one I trusted and I opened to her: I... exposed my issues with abusive people there, how much I feel angered by them, what I noted it is wrong about the place... It was a sign of trust, you don't tell these things to just anybody.

Our one to one communication, when we just spent time together was most pleasant. However, when I talked about these issues, she disagreed with all, stating "this is OK", "this is how things in society normally are", "you are supposed to adapt, or you are weak" and so....

Interesting feature of this woman was she appeared... very easy to influence. If I described her by my inner voice, I'd say "she was vulnerable and breaking down". Once she asked me about humane method of suicide! However, I sensed nothing in her life that would be major problem: She had friends, social cycle, job, enough money to survive, her hobbies, family... All in order... Yes she looked troubled, nervous, and VERY vulnerable.

As time progressed, she grew more and more hostile - for no reason! We had a beautiful training, all was great and both enjoyed it a lot, next morning she started to hate me. Just like that!

Eventually she quit talking tome for a few days and with a message she quit partnership with me.

I already had a strong feelings to her and above all, I was worried. I tried to stay in touch with her, just checking is she is all right and maybe, offering some support for he worried mind.

But, even here, when I expressed my worries, love and genuine interest of her well being, she started to be more and more aggressive to the point she started sending me the most creeping, abusive, harmful messages I have ever received in my life. It was as if was not her and I am certain it was not quite - she for some reason showed these messages of me carrying about her to her "friends" and they advised her how to write best hurting reply.

it was bad. Very bad. When I asked her why she detest me so much, she answered that I was deviant, antisocial and unable to exist with people. I was a bad person for defying their ways.I tried to research if there might any other problem with me, but she never revealed any other criticism but about me badly socializing there. As if it was my highest duty to befriend those people regardless what harm to me or to others do.

Then I saw her after about 8 months. She changed. From fragile, worried little girl to some sort of "edgy daring teen" (she was 24 but suddenly resembled teenager) - she wore black clothes, she had weird sinister look in her eyes and her body language changed as well to something that resembled "annoying teenager". After that I could totally believe it was her writing those messages. She looked heartless, supercilious and arrogant completely different from person I knew 8 months ago.

I have theory:

As Rick Alan Ross said, there are 3 stages of cult transformation: Breaking down, indoctrination and freezing personality. I might have caught her originally in Breaking Down stage, where she had no major problem in life but because of cult abuse she was mentally ill. Next, they indoctrinated her to new ways, that was when she started to criticize me for not acting like I am supposed to act and lastly, when I last saw her, she was already converted and frozen, possessing new, grandiose personality.

Also, the reason for her inexplicable and raising hate towards me might be explained by fact that I attacked her love towards her cult members by criticizing them. I experienced this once by myself, there was a parent who was very worried for his little girl and so he scolded her trainer, somebody who I perceived as positive because of cult manipulation. What he said was perfectly right and I was on his side yet for some reason, every time I remembered this event, I felt anger towards him as if there was smt. in my head telling me that this is not acceptable behavior of his and he is a ignorant evil person for this. Even though he is a father who was worried of his 11 y.o. girl who was manipulated by that outright toxic trainer.

I'd like to hear your feedback, please. Feel free to ask questions, if needed.

Thank you.

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Re: Analysis of this aggressive relationship and possibly cult:
Posted by: shamrock ()
Date: May 01, 2020 02:09AM

I'm sorry to hear about your experience. This school does sound "abusive, manipulative and controlling," as you say, but it doesn't sound like a cult, though it may have some features in common with cults. Lalich and Langone list the typical characteristics of cults:


Lalich and Langone explicitly say that their list is not intended to be a diagnostic tool. However, it does a good job of identifying features of what are commonly called cults.

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