Thank you jgaddis for the informative link on power dynamics...it looks very useful.

I like what you said about phenomenological approach in contemplative meditation...it's what I'm doing now...and I don't feel the need for a teacher or guru to show me the way.

I find reading books useful, I can take what helps and not be bothered with potential sticky power-dynamic issues with other humans. Reading, meditating, praying, absorbing, observing, inquiring, using critical thought, mindfully changing for betterment, acting, not acting, sleeping, not sleeping...I engage with my inner wisdom voice, and I don't require anything or anyone outside of myself to follow this path. I do not need an outside authority.

I do surrender my soul to the higher power...the Source of all that is...God, if you will. But this is very, very different than looking to others to find answers.

All the points you made in your comments are super useful, and I appreciate you've taken the time to reach out.

Many thanks Corboy for suggesting Alexandra Stein...wow...so much to read...she has a rich history, is so well-informed, and has much to offer!

It is useful to see how others have survived damaging, abusive cult relationships...it's all to easy for myself and others to fall into the same traps over and over again with other people...teachers and gurus especially.

It's important for me to always be wary of getting into repeated patterns of abuse. I know this now. I am armed with this knowledge.

I love this forum. I feel so safe here. I really appreciate the opportunity to speak freely, and learn valuable information from others.

In gratitude...

...I was just looking at the Mooji threads...

Why do people need a guru to worship in the first place?

Why do we need an outside authority to tell us how to think, or not think, and how to live?

How come we are so trusting and blind to obvious manipulators?

What gives this person or that person authority to speak on the behalf of everyone? Are we just ignorant or insane?

I see a video of Mooji and all I see is an ordinary human...a person with needs, and he's getting his needs met.

Too bad his worshipers are his food...his prey.

What kind of animal are we anyway? Human animals prey upon one another more than any other animal in the world.

Here are other such predators:

Spiders.
Freshwater shrimp.
Sand Tiger sharks.
Dyeing poison frogs
Great apes.
Orthacanthus sharks.
Hippopotamuses.
Tyrannosaurus Rex.

[www.sciencefocus.com]

Bad Guru's lunch:

[www.youtube.com]

The sad thing is that, after waking up from realizing you've been a member of a harmful cult, it is hard to trust anything or anyone.

I speak from experience. Not as harsh as Heather had, but enough to make sure I've never joined another 'group' or followed someone who demanded blind obedience ever again.

For me, Advaita (non-duality) as truly taught (that is, not by fakes like conman and alleged rapist James Swartz or the fraudulent spawn of secret Himalayan Masters Aaravindha Himadra). Truly taught, that is, by persons with no attachment to having followers or power over others of any type--sexual, financial, psychological...-- for me has been the ticket.

Fortunately, the good teachers, the real ones, are out there.

But how to find them?

One thing for sure--every real teacher will say, "Don't believe me. Don't buy anything I say without testing it for yourself." Buddha said this. Jesus, Ramana, and even Mohammed did, too.

Don't believe in any person, actually. Just believe in the Truth that some can help you to see for yourself. (Then, as that happens, something better than 'following' someone can sometimes happen.)

There's more out there than Sex, Drugs, Money, and Rock n' Roll. You know that on a deep level or you wouldn't be reading this site. Keep that truth in mind and don't give up the quest (especially since everything you need is already right where you actually want it anyway...).

Your mention of research into the biochemical mechanisms of gurudom reminded me of the Biology of Kundalini website by Jana Dixon. I don't know if you've already seen it. She has a whole bunch of material on biochemistry, though most of it is related to kundalini. One page covers the projective mechanism in the context of spirituality. She sees guru-worship as a projection outward of our own inner light (or "Self," I think she sometimes calls it). Here is one section where she discusses gurus:

"If you have been treated as a utilitarian unit in materialdom, then you usually need a powerful Other to unconditionally recognize your Spirit or Spirit in you. But then once you grok this recognition, it is morbidly maladaptive to get addicted to the Guru. Some people like to pretend to be seeker-students their whole life because they will not draw their will into self-recognition ... therefore they cannot perform the Guru function in the recognition of Spirit in Other, but remain as drones or workers within the Grace of the Guru."

[biologyofkundalini.com]

Hi Heather,
I was in SRF from 1979 to 1990 but the abuse I suffered because of it seems very minor compared to yours. I am trying to not be in despair because of the disillusionment. A book is coming to me which may help: "The Second Half of the Mountain" by McCall Erickson. BTW, don't let anyone try to use Byron Katie's ideas to help you because they are abusive. I wish you the best in your healing. Never give up--there is a lot out there to help us.
Ruth

Heather, you are really brave. I recommend the book "The Other Half of the Mountain" by McCall Erickson which is about how to find meaning when all paths seem to have lead to a dead end. Then compare that to Hesse's "Siddhartha". I too am trying to figure this out after waking up about the path I was on.
Ruth

Gravru123 wrote:

Quote

BTW, don't let anyone try to use Byron Katie's ideas to help you because they are abusive. I wish you the best in your healing. Never give up--there is a lot out there to help us.
Ruth

Ten years ago, several persons discussed Byron Katie and her methods on this message board.


One participant, The Anticult taught us how to identify Katie's techniques.

[forum.culteducation.com]

Thanks for that link and information Corboy.
Ruth