Any of our readers ever been tricked by someone using this tactic?

"False Teaming"

[www.google.com]

It demonstrates how important it is for us to *trust our guts* no matter
how much of a rapport seems to exist between you and a person or group.

Breaks down appropriate boundaries and neutralizes appropriate caution by
establishing a sense of camaraderie that is actually false.

Con artists who present themselves as trustworthy members of a particular group who are actually playing a con, who prey on members of that same group.

Back when I was active in social justice work, there were types who pretended to be activists who shared our goals. One of them stole a valuable membership list (such information can be sold) and also skipped out on paying rent and a large phone bill. She'd successfully presented as "one of us".

And in our social scene it was considered wrong to express misgivings about anyone.

An example would be someone who establishes a distinguished and useful track record as an altruist but in the long run uses that reputation to gain access to vulnerable people who cannot protect themselves from molestation.

I'm learning to not automatically default to "nice" when strangers contact me. Otherwise I could be easily swept away.

I can be assertive, watchful, relaxed while being alert. If someone physically or metaphorically sidles up beside me and starts defining the two of us as in the same boat, I don't have to be nice or smile or agreeable. I can walk away from the boat.

Forced teaming can involve cajoling, a seemingly casual friendliness. If the person has negative motives, they may work to hurry things up, get me in that boat and on down the river of manipulation and possible danger quickly.

Quote

Forced Teaming:
This term was developed by Gavin de Becker in his book The Gift of Fear. A false loyalty is imposed on the target by the perpetrator suggesting to the target that they have a urgent common problem (and implying they need to start working together right away). This leads the target to forget about normal risk assessment. Even if the two people have a common problem, it is unlikely that 1) it is really urgent, 2) they have a best solution in common, and 3) joint action is necessary. This technique is meant to bypass healthy distrust and in real life is almost never benign. Unfortunately many movies employ forced teaming as a plot device for characters to get to know each other, which may desensitize people.

[www.abuseandrelationships.org]

In regards to the manufactured sense of urgency, I've had sales people try to use that on me.

Manufactured urgency is a classic trick.

One example is the street hustler tactic: someone comes up to you breathlessly,

"Excuse me? Excuse me? Excuse me?"!!!

This is the type of person who approaches us, wheels spinning wildly. Unless you
make a conscious attempt to stay grounded and calm, they get you to feel just
as urgent as they appear to be.

Your critical thinking is ruined.

If you are a very nice kind person, have had a sheltered up bringing,
were trained to be emotional care provider for family members with
untidy emotions, you can be easily tricked into believing that unless
you permit yourself to become just as speedy and nervous as this person
is, you lack compassion.

If you stay calm and refuse to go into turmoil while this person fast talks
a tale of woe, they may even accuse you of being a cold hearted bastard.

Nooooo.

Any time you're accused of this, it means you're not getting sucked into the
con.

Girls and women are especially targeted. If they refuse to get agitated by someone's false urgency, they get called the other B word.

Learn as early in life as you can to stop feeling afraid of someone calling you
the male or female B word.

corboy Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------

>
> Girls and women are especially targeted. If they
> refuse to get agitated by someone's false urgency,
> they get called the other B word.
>
> Learn as early in life as you can to stop feeling
> afraid of someone calling you
> the male or female B word.

I talked once with a FBI agent about this very subject. He said it is very important for women to not believe they have to be nice. Especially if someone is name calling them in order to get them to be compliant. Women may feel we need to be nice so that we won't be seen as a b*tch.

He said he even talks with his wife about this, and other women in his life, to teach them how important this is.

Believing we have to be nice, even in dangerous circumstances, can make us vulnerable to manipulation.

Insults may be hurled at us, people may try to then coax us to be compliant, we need to shrug all that off quickly and get completely away from them.

The destructive group I was part of used manipulation to keep us in line. As a woman, I was expected to be nice, to not question, and to do as told.