My 25 year-old daughter is in a relationship with a man from Queens NY who I will refer to as MC. She text messages and talks on her phone with him and sees him in person very irregularly. Since meeting him in Brooklyn in 2012, she has lied about who he is, where he lives, and what he does. She will not let us meet him and tells us he saved her and has cured her of some medical issues. When I asked her if she thought he was a shaman she did not answer me. Since meeting him she has changed her phone number and email a few times and will not speak or see anyone from her past except for family. In fact she has threatened her friends when they stopped by to see her at our home. She says they are all bad evil people. She was a very outgoing and a well-traveled person who doesn't leave her room now unless eating or going to the gym.

She emails frequently with another person when MC is unavailable (I'll refer to him as A) who sounds and acts like a gatekeeper/secretary/protector/follower of MC. MC and E are foreign-speakers that sound Spanish or Hebrew. They both tell her she was a disgusting bad person before and that MC has suffered and risked his life for her. He tells her she is clean now and they can "see" what she is doing. A threatens my family in emails to my daughter for various reasons.

All the text messages and emails I read are extremely vague and are purposely hard to decipher. When we ask her about him or question her behavior, she gives us a mantra type answer always the same.

Does any of this sound familiar to anyone? The name she gave us for him is false so we cannot find him.

Is there anyone who thinks this sounds familiar? I am a grieving mother and it would help to hear from anyone on the forum. Please.

cmariecola:

This does seem to fit a familiar pattern of cult involvement.

I am very sorry to learn of your situation.

See [www.amazon.com]

This new book focuses on cults, abusive controlling relationships and how families can cope with a loved one involved in such a situation. It outlines strategies to respond and offers a detailed understanding of the manipulation involved.

You might find this book very helpful in sorting through and coping with the situation you are facing now.

Thank you for your response and kind words. I bought the Kindle version and it has provided a framework for my thinking, understanding and approach. Still, the depth of my pain and fear doesn't seem to have a bottom or a fixed dimension.

Are there cults that have members live with their family? There are no signs of religious-orientation or forced labor. It is a state of isolation--her phone is her life-line to this man. She has no job, no friends.

Just stay isolated from people, in your room, don't talk to your parents, or anyone that may try to make conversation and ask you questions about your life and future.

Brace yourself. Fighting cults is an uphill battle. The reality is, people join cults on their own volition. As heartbreaking as it is, our children cease becoming our own as soon as they become adults. Do not deplete yourself, financially and most importantly, psychologically. The damage has been done. Just move on, continue loving her unconditionally and preserve whatever little communication is left in your relationship. Be capable when the time comes that she decides to come back for help and emotional nourishment. Give her this assurance. Take this experience to study yourself instead — what could be fine tuned, what could be learned and what do you have that the cult can never match. Do not underestimate the power of love, especially parental love. Allow yourself time, while acquiring knowledge about this reality. As advance as we are as a society, there are still crude elements in our laws, in our norms and our understanding that pose a threat to all decent-living human beings. If you have time, try contributing to the overall awareness about the threat of cults, and the hurt they bring to us victims. Do not panic, be brave. Empower yourself with knowledge. Your little girl needs you more than ever.

Thank-you your words will stay with me.

Today, this in the NYTimes:

[www.nytimes.com]

Some of this is similar but the middle eastern names are not.

cmariecola:

See [www.amazon.com]

This book is a comprehensive guide regarding cults and how families can deal with such a situation. It may be very helpful for you.