Women are usually the ones who become heavily involved in support of schools for their children and facilities for eldercare of their parents -- though today more and more men are in this situation as well.
If a cult operates or infiltrates a school or care facility you're dependent on, you might never get involved with the doctrines of the group, but over time your appreciation slowly might mutate into hostage syndrome, like wood that,
under unusual and specific conditions becomes petrified.
Recognizing that your own self respect is being conpromised exposes you to a predicament with high exit costs. You may know nothing of the doctrines of the sect that runs your child's school or your elderly parent's care facility, but your emotional life is tied up in knots.
Something is going on in your therapy, or at your child's school or your parent's care facility. You don't share the religious beliefs of your therapist, your children's teachers or those who sponsor your parent's care facility.
But something is going on that gives you the creeps, or offends your beliefs. Your self respect and your boundaries are under siege.
Yet you fear you cannot get the same kind of care anywhere else.
Your child or parents are involved. Perhaps you finally, finally have a routine going that supports your work and your marriage and perhaps (miracle!!!!!) your wallet too.
To exit all that because you are getting the creeps or your boundaries are offended seems crazy and unreasonable.
This is called cognitive dissonance.
If we fear that the cost of leaving is too high or too terrifying, most of us cannot consciously bear to entertain any doubts or disturbing emotions or subversive insights.
Most of us are gonna suppress our doubts and hope we are mistaken or tell ourselves that things will get better. Few people will validate our concerns; many will invalidate them.
You may feel scared to consult someone outside the situation, you feel as though this is ungrateful or disloyal behavior on your part -- which is another sign that you are in a situation that owns you.
All this indicates you're being held hostage to something. Talking to someone outside the situation will preserve your adult dignity and autonomy.
Rick Ross, CEO of Cult Education Institute got involved in this work when he discovered a cult had infiltrated his grandmother's nursing home.
"Q How did you end up being a cult expert?
A My grandmother got me involved. She lived in a nursing home that was infiltrated – that is, the paid staff were – by a particular fringe religious group that targeted the elderly. "
Waldorf schools are notorious for concealing information about their doctrine when offering school services to parents.
You deserve to know the actual complete doctrine behind any school or facility where you pay for services and, often volunteer your time. If you do not know this, you are expected to follow a set of unwritten rules which is crazy making.
Our Brush With Rudolf Steiner
by Sharon Lombard
Women (and, increasingly, men) can get hostaged into bad situations because of their roles as parents and caregivers. If women rely on services or institutions (schools, eldercare facilities) and the agencies and personnel do a wonderful job, a tired mother or daughter has high exit costs if over time she gets powerful gut feelings
that something is seriously amiss.
Women are usually in primary caregiver roles along with work and usually feel tired and guilty juggling these three roles - though today, more and more fathers are in this situation as well.
If someone seems to be doing an affordable wonderful, wonderful job helping us care for our elderly parents, educating and caring for our children, we are very dependent on them. We make friends with other parents there. We will not want to examine any doubts or misgivings we have.
But if you become afraid to examine your own fears and doubts, you are emotionally enslaved
, held hostage even if you are not a member of the church or sect which runs the facility.
You get into an inmate mentality, and lose full access to your mind and emotions both of which you need to be a fully functioning adult, partner, parent.
If you find yourself getting a painful sweaty feeling in your gut when something comes up that raises your own doubts or questions -- misgivings and emotions you do not want to have -- this signals you are in a situations wher you feel trapped. You feel trapped because the you fear the exit costs of leaving are more than you, your child or your parents -- and your WALLET - can bear.
People may laugh your doubts away, make you feel foolish. They may even joke sure they are in a cult.
Laughing things away is a highly effective way of invalidating your thoughts and emotions. Using humor strategically to deflect an adult's anxiety, anger, fear is disrespectful.
If you feel guilty about even thinking of going to someone outside of the situation and asking questions about the facility, whether others have had the same worries you now have -- feeling guilty and scared at the more thought of doing outside research is itself a RED FLAG that something in you fears
you are in a hostage situation -- a situation where you fear the exit costs
are more than you and your family can bear.
You forget you do have options.
Never forget that you have customer rights.
Talk to someone outside of the situation. Schools and care facilities
are accountable to state regulatory agencies.
Talk to people outside of the situation. Describe a few things, see how they respond.
If you feel afraid to do even this -- that is worth examining.