Hi Kalinka, I'm sorry you are going through this but very glad you are reaching out.
Are you on Facebook? If so, the group Shades of Awakening – about spiritual emergence(y) – may be relevant for you. They also have a website [shadesofawakening.com
] with a resources page.
Also it could be helpful to find a trauma therapist (especially somatically based) or other style therapist who understands this issue. They do exist. There are also inpatient centers for spiritual emergency (again, people know about those places in the group I mentioned). Wishing you to find some nice relief soon. :)