I feel odd writing this. I’m not sure if I am completely off, or if my schooling, background and common sense has lead me to look for help in something I know nothing about. I just went through the most dramatic, psychologically abusive, and plain weird situations in my life. I have history with domestic violence. I have a close family member who has Narcissitic personality disorder. I have have grown up with mental illness and drug addiction with everyone close to me. But this situation is new, seems to have a twist I am not quite familiar with. So I would like to ask you guys what you think. I have someone, that for some years I considered a very, very close friend, we will call him Jack. The man is dating a women for the past 5 years, who was so close to me that she was in my wedding. Them, my husband and myself have taken numerous trips together, spent lots of time together, and his son is our godson. Over the past 6 months I have been coming to a slow conclusion… Is my friend trying to start a cult? And is his fiancé his first, unfortunate victim?
I have no history with cults. Just something on TV I saw once in a while. Actually my schooling hardly touched on it, except the forensic, serial killer side. Hence why I am asking you. Myself and the potential ‘Cult Leader’ have had a strange relationship. He has told me things I should not have known for some time now, maybe 2 years. The past 6 months has really showed me a separate side that is the reason I am writing this. He’s always shown signs of Narcissistic personality disorder. I wasn’t too scared of that because my grandfather was Narcissistic, so I always had sympathy for Jack. At one time I was wondering possibly if he had Antisocial personality disorder. I should have walked away the day that I wondered that. Instead my husband and I accepted a job from him, moved across country, lived with him and his S.O., and all hell broke loose. If I thought something was wrong before, he was only getting started….
Jack was very psychologically abusive to all his employees, to the point of “F’in sit there, don’t say one word, and just look pretty, that’s your job right now’. I watched him try to hold back on my husband and myself, but there was a lot of abusive words, mirrored with extravagant nights out to make up for it. Very charming, very cunning, very manipulative, and a pathological liar. He knows how to be 'socially acceptable' when he needs to fake emotions, but sometimes shows exactly how devoid of emotions he is. He kept all his employees on a very tight budget, and lied about every aspect of life and business to everyone. This is the short story because I am not here for me. We walked away, so did his most employees, investors, and other mangers (even one that knew him for 23 years)....
I am here for Jack’s fiancé. She was a girl of energy, beauty, intelligence, and was so great that every guy we knew wanted to be with her. I did not notice any psychological abuse at first. Jack actually blamed her for everything. He was constantly saying she wouldn’t have sex with him enough, that she went nuts if he wanted to hang out with his friends and did not sit home, and that she was abusive. At one point after a trip with the both of them, I believed him, and felt sorry for him. That started to change after they had been together a few years. He had sent her home to her family for a few months, and cheated on her the whole time with a 23 year old (he’s 42). She went home to get counseling for what she claimed was all her fault for being such a ‘hateful, unhappy person’. She came back to him after he asked her to, because the 23 year old broke it off. She didn’t believe anyone she was close to, not any close friends or family about his affair with the other girl. She ultimately said after 2 months ‘I don’t care if he did’. So I stayed quiet, for that exact reason I was her only friend left. She stopped talking to so many people, I couldn’t even count if I tried. I went to visit her in their new home a few months later because they had been ‘ran out of town‘. Well, he had, and she was as supportive as ever by his side. I mentioned before that I was a victim of domestic violence myself. And this trip reminded me of it. Not because of certain circumstances, but because she was ‘walking on eggshells’ just like I used to. Even if he was just sleeping, she would tiptoe around the house like it was the ultimate tragedy to wake him at 2pm, even a floor underneath. She was scared, and was laying the babytalk on thick, and had a weird fake smile on her face the whole time. But I know from living with them, I honestly believe he does not physically harm her.
Alright, present day. Go out to their new-new location for a job. Jack from week 1 is already very egotistical, loving all the 18 yr olds he is hiring, stating to cheat again, talking down to people, already wants to leave his fiancé, and it's already looking like a mess. Instead of going into all the money he lost his employees, investors and friends, all his illegal activities, I’m only concentrating on things that through up red flags for possible brain-washing or cult like behavior. Week 1 we show up, his fiance looks like an empty shell. I can see it in her eyes. I am told by Jack that I am only to talk to her about superficial stuff like cooking. He constantly competes with her about my friendship like he's 12yrs old, claiming I am HIS best friend, not hers. He’s hiring prostitutes, he’s renting limos and blowing investors moneys on extravant trips of 18 year olds and cocaine, vip lounges and lots of alcohol. he starts dressing completely different and referring to his house as the ‘scarface mansion’. He has no empathy towards anyone, and is completely lacking remorse. He hides the companies financial trouble from us all. He currently owes $300,000 and has people threatening his life, which my husband had to help calm people down from going through with that!! He tells her that she does not truly love her unless she loves him unconditionally, and she needs to leave if she can’t love him for everything he does. He is trying to promote her to stay home, and is refusing to fix her car so she cannot go anywhere. She won't even try to rent a car with my help, Jack has to be present with all adult decision making processes. He is demanding she baby-sit the children of the women he specifically told me that he was going to her house to try to sleep with. His fiancé is never good enough, not pretty enough, her makeup is bad, and it takes him a night out with 2 underage girls to try to ‘tolerate her enough to take her out of town for 12 hours’. She has become more submissive than I ever was when I was physically abused. She is terrified of him. And each day she gets more hateful than I have ever seen her towards people that walk away out of necessity and fear for their families well being. He said “I’m considering getting her pregnant to make sure she stays around to take care of my son” AND “While I am at it I think I will get Jessica(18yr old, in high school) pregnant too to make sure she stays around too”. He keeps repeating that he is going to die within the year, so I have to take care of his fiancé and son when he is gone (apparently he has a bunch of money hidden that only I was to know about).
I’m not trying to make anyone mad with this next paragraph. I know the writer in these teachings was very respected. But Jack is very into Toltec teachings. He has always claimed to be raised with such a strong Toltec background. When he started rambling, I kinda tuned out, till recently. All the sudden the 18 yr olds at work are reading Toltec books he bought for them. Jack is talking about Toltec more than ever, and claiming that soon he will be a “Master Shaman” or something. He is constantly talking about his “Master Plan” for me in his life. Some of the 18 yr olds that he is now sleeping with were still in high school when he started his relationships with them, even bragged to me that they still get out at the ‘3:30 bell (ding)’. So very vulnerable. His fiancé is looking worse and worse. She tells me that sometimes she believes that Jack has magical powers in the respect that he can make things happen, and kinda predicting future events…. She told me quite a while ago, that absolutely no one knows anything about their personal life because he has ‘exhausted all his get out of free jail cards’, especially with her family. I researched the writer of Toltec teachings, Carlos Castaneda, and he was a cult leader; who at one point had 24 wives who all lived on a compund and dressed identical. A number of his followers might have killed themselves after he died. I know at least his adopted daughter turned wife, did walk into Death Valley to kill herself after her Dad/Hubby died. And some of his dialect that I read reminds me of the way Jack verbally, and psychologically abuses people. What sent chills down my back is when my husband and I read that Castaneda used to refer to his wives as ‘Witches’. Jack used to refer to ME and 2 other girls as his ‘Witches’ and we never knew why, we kinda dismissed it since he was always kinda weird. His ex-wife still refers to herself as that 6 years later. He started telling everyone that I was his reason for moving us out there, not my husbands managerial background, that I always protected his heart and I was his "Co-whore". Jack started referring to me as his “Lead Assassin” instead of one of his witches. Then he referred to all the girls who were around him or worked for him as his “Assassins”. Scarface reference maybe?? There is 2 more people that just sold everything they had left except for their baby crib to escape this guy. Others reffered to his reaction to me walking way as a "Rejected 13yr old boy". The fiance's family contacted me and told me she will now not give them her new address, or let them visit her, which she has never done in her life. Her mom was bawling. She has become so hateful towards everyone in her life, every single friend she had. She referred to myself, my husband, and her last friend she cut contact with 8 months ago as “Dangerous to be around, and Cancer”. She has cut every single person out of her life, and trust me, that’s a lot, and she was such a vibrant loving girl!! Jack always uses that word ‘Cancer”. Her last email to me was the most hateful I ever received in my life, and it sounded like an extension of him. She claimed she was trying to exit out the email, and sent it by mistake, and didn’t mean half the stuff she said. The fact that she turned on my husband for walking away was the most surprising, no one ever has one bad word to say ever about my husband, and she respected him so much for all these years. She never ceases to defend Jack for all the pain and hardship he inflicts on everyone, and entire families. We do not even recognize her anymore. She keeps claiming “That’s just business” which he always says as well. She caught him cheating on her with 2 18yr old girls, and he showed the text message she sent the next day to all his employees “You’re an amazing man, I am so proud of you, I love your wiener. You could do whatever you want and I will always love you”. She was never into open relationships, just to let you know. Her sister told me they contacted a professional and she was displaying classic cult mentality behavior. I’m not an idiot, I am very aware this guy is sick, I am very aware he is abusive, and that is why my husband and I sold everything we had to get back to a safe place. Am I correct that Jack is trying to start a cult? Is there any hope for this girl? She just renewed her passport, and he has made mention a few times of skipping the country if things get too bad. I think he is starting to put that plan into action. I know first hand the paranoia, confusion, and hypervigilance this man can instill in people surrounding him. I still have nightmares every night that he's coming after us to keep us quiet, my husband is a tad worried as well. Horrible nightmares, like him putting fish hooks through his fiances eyes to blind her. Or me and all the girls who walked away being trapped again trying to escape him cause he's trying to kill us. But during waking hours we can rationalize that he meets all the criteria of a non-violent sociopath, and we are far away and safe. But I can't seem to shut my dreams off. When we were living with him, he almost had me convinced that people were following my husband, and we are were in danger. He had cameras put up all over the house. I had to talk myself out of this paranoia daily, and just keep trying to convince myself that this was the reality Jack was trying to create for us, it wasn't real. We walked away thinking we survived a psychopathic con-artist who talks alot of people out of alot of money. Now I'm wondering if my cult theory was true, as well as her families'. Any advice on the next step? Might seem obvious to you guys, but this is my first interaction with something so off the wall! Thank you <3

Consult an exit counselor. There is a section on this website entitled 'Getting Help"

[www.culteducation.com]

This message board is useful but no substitute for assistance from a licensed professional.

Thanks Corboy... I have researched "Toltec', I have seen your name... A bunch... Thanks for you help, since I guess no one else is willing to respond. Appreciate it...........

I agree. Get exit counselling for yourself and your family first, before worrying about the others. Advise any one that you are in contact with who is involved on the periphery, ie not directly under this guy's thumb, to individually do the same.

You cannot help them any further than that, right now.

It is their own choice whether or not they take you up on the advice. For your own well-being, stay well away from this guy and his fiance right now.
Report anything that is clearly illegal and dangerous to the proper authorities.

Thank you Stoic,
I have to ask, are you guys trying to telling me in a nice way that I am a cult victim too? We got far away, and believe there was no part that we 'Got sucked into', it was just very hard to watch the process. We felt like we could see his lies pretty quickly, and together tried not to get sucked in to his paranoia and delusions. Unfortunatley it was something directly in front of us dailey. Isn't exit interviews for cult survivors? With all the B.S. our ex-friend put us through, I would hate to add 'cult victim' too it. lol. Sorry, I know that's not funny. I was kinda expecting a 'yes or no' answer. The 2 "Go to an exit counselor' answers kinda through me for a loop! Do you really think thats a path we need to take? The closest one would be 3 hours away, if not 4 hrs. Thanks for your input guys ;)

Caroline:

A message board is not a substitute for help from a qualified professional.

See [www.culteducation.com]

This page includes articles about recovery from cults and a directory of professional resources.

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