When I handed back the Gohonzon I felt guilty on so many levels. It had taken me 20 Years to "find it". I heard members saying that EVERYONE is looking for Gohonzon and just doesn't know it yet? Also that SGI and ND Buddhism is the "Supreme Religion". I read somewhere that Gohonzons are mass produced in Malaysia? I was told that my Gohonzon is "my life" and I felt that by rejecting my gohonzon I was rejecting myself. I felt that I would experience bad fortune and that nothing good would ever happen again in my life WRONG! Plenty of wonderful things have happened and success when I haven't been chanting. The other thing was that the lady who introduced me to SGI was a great person and a very kind soul. She passed away later this year. I felt guilty because she had introduced me to SGI and had finally seen me receive Gohonzon after 20 Years of sporadic chanting and doubt. I felt like I was letting her down but ultimately when I searched within myself I had the courage to do what I felt was right for me. I know that there are many wonderful people in SGI, albeit probably brainwashed, with the best intentions. There are also people who take it to the extreme and are blinded by their faith. I still do not understand how chanting for a war to end on the other side of the world or to prevent someones death could possibly have any impact. Perhaps I'm missing the point. The only thing I could really relate to was that if I treat people in the right way with compassion and kindness that it would have the ripple effect and influence many many people around me but that's not Buddhism. It's probably just what comes from trying to improve and live a better life on a daily basis. I still hold Buddhism in high esteem and value many of the lessons that I've learnt from it over the years but just not from SGI. I guess we are all grown ups and we all have the freedom to do what we choose in life? I'm just concerned that there are many people out there that feel trapped and unable to leave because of being sent on a guilt trip.