I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. EVERYTHING I'VE TRIED, HAS BEEN TURNED AGAINST ME.
FACTS:
38 YEAR MARRIAGE
EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE,VERBALLY ABUSIVE AND FINANCIALLY CONTROLLING HUSBAND. KNEW THE BUTTONS TO PUSH TO KEEP ME UNDER CONTROL.
HIS VERBAL ABUSE BECAME BACKGROUND NOISE: I IGNORED IT.
"YOUR MOTHER IS A TRULY SICK HUMAN BEING"
"YOU MOTHER IS FILLED WITH ANGER AND RAGE.''
"YOUR MOTHER CAN'T BE TRUSTED WITH MONEY."
"YOUR MOTHER IS TRULY PSYCHOTIC."
TO ME: "YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO ANY MONEY UNLESS YOU ASK ME FIRST."
TO ME, IN FRONT OF THE CHILDREN: "i'M GOING TO TAKE AWAY THE ATM FROM YOU AND TEAR IT UP."
"YOUR MOTHER IS SELFISH"
"YOUR MOTHER WILL LEAVE ME FIRST, AND THEN YOU GUYS ARE NEXT."

THIS IS A SMALL SAMPLE.

I FINALLY FILED FOR DIVORCE. I'VE ALWAYS WORKED PART TIME TO BE AVAILABLE FOR MY CHILDREN. MY CHILDREN, 28 AND 30, WHO I DID EVERYTHING FOR, SACRIFICED MY FUTURE TO HELP PAY IN FULL FOR THE BEST PRIVATE COLLEGES SO THEY COULD LEAVE SCHOOL DEBT FREE, HAVE REFUSED TO SPEAK TO ME, HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH ME, FOR THE LAST TWO YEARS. ANY TIME I TRY TO GET IN TOUCH WITH EITHER ONE OF THEM, THEY WILL NOT SPEAK TO ME OR ANSWER ME DIRECTLY. THE ANSWER COMES IN THE FORM OF VILE FORM LETTER SIGNED BY MY EX.

THEY DON'T EVEN FEEL THAT THEY OWE ME THE COURTESY OF TELLING ME WHAT THEY THINK I DID WRONG. MY EX'S WORDS COME OUT OF THEIR MOUTHS: "YOU ARE TAKING DAD'S MONEY, "ETC., ETC. "YOU HAVE TO ADMIT WHAT YOU'VE DONE AND YOU HAVE SERIOUS PROBLEMS", ETC., ETC.

I'M IN THERAPY TO DEAL WITH THIS- EVEN THE THERAPIST FOUND IT HARD TO BELIEVE THAT ALL OF THIS IS COMING FROM MY EX.
UNTIL:

LAST WEEK, I HAD INDEPENDENT CORROBORATION. THEIR ROOMMATE, AN OLD FRIEND OF THEIRS AND THE SON OF FAMILY FRIENDS, APPROACHED ME TO TELL ME THAT MY CHILDREN ARE FULLY UNDER THE CONTROL OF THEIR FATHER. HE THINKS IT IS SICK. HE ALSO TOLD ME THAT HE THINKS THEIR BEHAVIOUR IS INEXCUSABLE AND EVERYTHING THEY DO AND SAY IS ORCHESTRATED BY MY EX. THEY ARE BRAINWASHED. HE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND THE CONTROL HE IS ABLE TO EXERT OVER TWO INTELLIGENT ADULTS. HE CONFIRMED WHAT I FELT: THAT MY SON, WHO HIS FATHER ALWAYS FAVORED, NOW HATES ME.

I LOOKED UP CULTS- I HAD BEEN SAYING RIGHT ALONG THAT THIS WAS CULT- LIKE BEHAVIOUR, AND EVERYTHING FITS. I SENT THE INFO TO MY DAUGHTER, EXPLAINED HOW IT PARALLELED WHAT'S HAPPENING, AND ASKED HER TO BE DISCREET AND KEEP IT TO HERSELF. AS USUAL, IT WAS FORWARDED TO THEIR FATHER, THE CULT LEADER, WITH HIS USUAL VILE RESPONSE.

I AM NOW ALL ALONE IN THE WORLD.
H E L P

Have you checked out the "Abusive and Controlling Relationships" category? Your post would get more attention there, I'm sure.

You are not alone.
It's been 9 months since I left an emotionally abusive family dynamic.
Like you, I've been in counseling to help me deprogram myself and stop the reel of phrases my family fed me for most of my life.
I am trying to understand how I fit into the world but want to let you know you are not alone.
Continue couseling and try to break the cycle now. You are more deserving and take each day, each hour one at a time.

If there was alcohol abuse involved or in family history I would give. "Al-anon" a try. I would also contact local churches about a "ladies bible study" "singles ministry" or support group.

I'm in a similar situation and just now able to even consider moving out. You are a strong woman and I admire you.

Just remember that what you hear out of your children is not their voice but their father's. Until they are able to leave him and realize what he is doing they will be under his sphere of influence. Just let them know the lines of communication are open when they are ready and able to come to you.