Quote
Von
Well ... I got back to LA and [sic] had no money for the rent. No money to find a new place to live. And with all of my family on the other side of the country, and not long term friends in LA that would take me in ....
I had no place to go.
At 23 years old: all of a sudden I was homeless in LA.
And SGI was just about all I had. How did they respond?
[now continuing my experience - part III]So this was sometime in the [end of summer '87?] when I returned to LA after a weekend in Seattle with the NSA YMD for this big convention/celebration/promo display that we did. And common sense would tell you, that after giving almost every dime I had to NSA
for the trip ... with the rent due ... and all of my roommates (timing, Murphys Law) simultaneously moving out from our house ...
.. that I would have nothing when I arrived back. And of course thats exactly what happened. There was no immediate miracle from the
universe to protect me from my own gullibility in these circumstances. And there was no miraculous sudden change in the inherent selfishness,
lack of compassion, and irresponsibility in human nature - by virtue of the fact that the leaders who encouraged and co-erced me to go had
been part of this organization for a long time and were giving me guidance that was firmly against common sense.
I was homeless. Had nowhere to go, really. And during the days of immediate urgency and chaos that ensued after my return, I was more
than a little psychologically and emotionally freaked out about all of it. Naturally.
NSA turned thier backs on me. These people that I had spent a good 2-3 years of my life with, my district "family" that had welcomed me
into thier homes, encouraged me to chant, gongyo, shaka-buku, pulled me out of bed at 4 AM for activities, drove me to meetings all over town, called me during times when I was having doubts about the practice with long conversations, debated with me, helped my members I was
trying to get started ...
These people that were an intimate part of my life, who were some of my closest friends and confidants in many ways .. my local District ...
... these people skulked away like cowards when they were confronted with the reality of what happened to me:
At the time I was working as a shop assistant and delivery driver for a florist up the road in Brentwood. So, with nowhere to go, and without
telling my boss (because I was embarrassed by my situation) .. I used the delivery truck from work to pack up what little belongings from my house and put it all in the basement of the shop.
Then would sneak into this tiny basement of the florist through the back door and sleep at night. The floor was concrete and hard. I used a
flashlight to read random stuff - Stephen King novels (I read "IT" in that basement LOL), old World Tribunes, a copy of the Gosho. Then I would
get up during days, walk around to the front of the building and walk in to work - make money - and survive another day.
One morning I remember my boss suddenly opening the door and walking in to the basement, seeing me on the floor ... looking at me, then
walking out saying nothing. He wasnt too happy about it, but I think basically he was a good guy and realized that I wasnt harming anyone,
just down on my luck trying to survive.
Members of my District knew what was going on ... but down to a person as I recall they had nothing of value for me to add other than "This is
your karma, chant more" and "Do your human revolution" and other such platitudes.
What I did not hear, from anyone:
"Are you ok?" or "Im sorry this happened ... is there anything I can do? I have a friend with a spare room" or "Hey I know someone that needs
some help at thier company, you can make better money there lets get you out of this situation"
Nobody brought me food. Nobody gave me any practical advice that was useful, or went out of thier way to pick me up and bring me to thier house, or simply sat there and listened as a friend that cared while I was going through this crisis.
They either gave me the same old NSA platitudes about karma and human revolution etc ... or they noticably avoided me at meetings because they didnt know what to say.
There was no compassion, no help, and no love from these people. Other than ...
Only one: a girl, a YWD in the practice - around my age ... we started spending time together and we ended up hooking up - I began staying at
her place and moved out of the basement - and she became my girlfriend for the next two years or so.
So we fell in love and she helped me ... AGAINST NSA and SGI policy (we were both members in the same District). And in this way I pulled out
of my situation.
Soon after my return from Seattle I went "taitan". Why wouldnt I? Because when the chips were down these people abandoned me.
They were not "family". They were not "friends" by any definition that matters. They ended up being some people I did stuff with, and paid money to support thier activities, gave them my energy and output and free time to support what they did ..
But they did not care about me and my welfare.
So I quit.
After they tried for a while to get me to come back, eventually they gave up when I consistently called them out on thier B.S. That money
for Seattle would have paid for a down payment on a new place. They encouraged me to blow it on thier activity, then when I came back
to LA they abandoned me when I was homeless.
End of story. They had no defense, so they let me go. During my last year in LA I dont recall having any contact with any of them, once
I went tai-tan and kept turning them away they faded into my past and I never heard from most of them ever again.