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topaz
Doing some surfing, I came across a website called "Skepdic" whose webmaster reported receiving an E-mail from a man who claims to have "lost his wife" to the Pathwork. This startled me, since I assumed the Pathwork would have bit the dust long ago. Not so. .
Hi--
I'm the guy who wrote to Skepdic. He wasn't quite right to state that I "lost my wife" to Pathwork. I was asking him for info. about the group and was really surprised that he hadn't heard of it. Anyway--my wife entered Pathwork AFTER she filed for divorce, but what's intriguing to me now (after several years of thinking about everything) is how she got sucked into it. Some history might be instructive here, and hopefully will give some warning signs to those whose loved ones are dabbling in this stuff.
My ex-wife's family was deeply religious, involved in a spirit-filled (charismatic/pentecostal) Christian congregation when she was young. They also don't seem to have much ability in critical thinking--her parents were in Amway and various other pyramid/MLM schemes (and they still are). They try every new vitamin/diet therapy that comes down the pike. They go to chiropractors (okay, maybe chiropractors do SOMETHING, but there's certainly plenty of evidence that says they are at best glorified massage therapists). Her siblings have been involved in Landmark Forum, pyramid schemes, meditation/chanting, etc. It's sort of a family system of gullibility, and additionally the kids are searching for the religious ecstasy they felt as children, but they don't want the trappings or restrictions of Christianity.
Her personal entry into "alternative religion" (or whatever it is) started innocently enough--through a local massage center, looking for relief from chronic pain. I was okay with that. The massage therapist claims also to be an energy healer, and my wife believed she experienced unusual sensations and progress during the course of several massages. That seemed a bit odd to me, but I was willing to believe--she was definitely feeling better than she had in years.
The therapist recommended a specific chiropractor and he also seemed to help her. I thought, "Okay, since it's helping." He introduced her to qigong and breathing/energy exercises. She attributed the "energy" she felt during breathing to a mystical energy thing--more likely, she was just hyper-ventilating. That'll give you a good buzz, too. I was starting to be skeptical at this point. He also did something he called "pubic bone adjustment." Uh, having a "doctor" manipulate your private parts for several minutes (yes, minutes--it was not a quick procedure) would probably cause anybody to experience some level of adrenalin rush or sexual arousal (perhaps magnified because it was "forbidden contact"). Increased skepticism on my part at this point (but I didn't express it to her). She also started meditation sessions with somebody else at the massage center, but as she described them to me, it was more like self-hypnosis, or deep relaxation with suggested/guided visualization.
During this time there were a couple deaths in her extended family (they're very close, it was quite traumatic), a major job change for me (we both were in favor of it, but because of it we had to re-structure many of our household roles), and difficulties for our children in school. I admit I wasn't the greatest husband/dad during this time (the new job's learning curve was intense), but I also just wasn't interested in joining her on her spiritual journey. It had become too goofy for me.
Eventually she forced a separation on me ("if you don't move out, I'll divorce you"), and yet she filed for divorce the day I moved out (although she didn't tell me until several months later, when the papers were ready). At that point she said she'd be willing to talk about stuff later. I waited, and occasionally would ask about things, attempting to get some closure or understanding or an acknowledgment of mutual accountability. She always put me off--at first it was "I'm doing work on myself." Later it was "You need to do work on yourself. Then we'll talk." I had already gone through six months of therapy by this time (with a real therapist) and he assured me I was okay. So I waited.
The "work" she was doing was Pathwork; the chiropractor is a Pathwork-guy, and he had encouraged her to try it. In her vulnerable and fragile emotional state, pain-free for the first time in years, and under the power of a man who made her feel good through hyperventilation and pubic bone manipulation, I'm sure it was easy for her to agree. I should say here that I'm not totally opposed to alternative medicine (or complimentary medicine, or whatever you want to call it). It helped her; it has helped many people. Unfortunately, it is often mixed up with spiritual ideas that (in conjunction with remarkable physical improvement) can override a person's ability to think rationally.
I continue to wait. She has now completed her Pathwork program, so maybe she's ready to answer my questions and listen to my point of view--but I doubt it. From what I understand of Pathwork, it involves a lot of intensive self-focus. This in itself isn't necessarily bad; it becomes dangerous, however, when the internal focus is so complete that you become unable to look outside yourself and listen to another's point of view.
It is really tragic. We had an amazing partnership, our marriage was envied by peers in marriages bound by more "traditional" boundaries, it was seen as a model by single people considering marriage, we had a deep admiration for each other's gifts, and yet the confluence of events, history, vulnerability, etc. came together at a time when we were least capable of handling it.
Well, this has turned into a long post. Thanks for reading it; it was probably more therapeutic for me to just put it all out there rather than wait for any kind of honest conversation with my former wife. I sincerely hope that it's helpful to somebody--these groups have a way of preying on people at their most vulnerable, and what happened to my ex-wife and to our marriage is a perfect example.
Pathwork is alive and well. There is now a Wikipedia entry for it ( [
en.wikipedia.org] ), but it seems to be very pro-Pathwork and in my opinion doesn't conform with Wikipedia's neutral point of view policy. Perhaps someone more familiar with Wikipedia can edit the article to give it a more balanced presentation.
Best wishes to all of you.