Quote
InPassing
I have asked myself the following questions. How many casualties are acceptable for the benefits I and others got from the workshops?
Yes, the old question: Do the ends justify the means?
After reading about the techniques in other LGAT groups, HAI is nowhere near as manipulative as some of them. Then again, HAI deals with a subject matter that is fraught with abuse in our society so higher standards should apply.
If all people who organized and attended HAI were trustworthy, non-abusive, had strong self-esteem, understood their personal boundaries and were psychologically strong prior to HAI than it is likely none would be harmed by HAI. I wasn't harmed by it; I don't even regret the 3 hour drive each way and gas costs on getting to Harbin since I spent an extra week there and had a very enjoyable time outside of HAI. Nor do I think the workshop fee unreasonable for what you get (space at Harbin, food, etc).
Some of the possible harm from HAI comes from the fact that they encourage you to discuss early sexual experiences. For a sadly large number of people these experiences are ones of sexual abuse, rape, and other crimes against them. And ones that these folks have never fully processed or discussed with anyone else. It is irresponsible for HAI to manipulate people into discussing these without having psychologists and psychiatrists on staff to deal with the fallout. The leaders and interns are not medical personnel licensed in dealing with PTSD and other real health issues that can be triggered by these discussions. Some people do OK, some are even able to process these past harms successfully within the the HAI structure, but there is no real way to know who can and who can't in advance. For vulnerable people harmed by this process, some may be so shamed by their past and submissive to any authority that when they seek a health professional to heal the HAI-triggered psychological issues that they continue to obey the HAI secrecy oath and don't reveal what they went through at HAI to a health professional -- making it near impossible they can EVER get resolution. Asking for that sort of secrecy is insidious -- and why I myself don't consider the secrecy agreement wrt to exercises binding (In fact, I find it unethical not to reveal the format and exercises to someone who wants to know and think it very helpful that DayDreamer has shared what some of the level 2 exercises are so that people who search for the info might find it).
The other area where the HAI methods can cause harm is the emphasis on instant intimacy and at-the-moment consent before first exploring adequate self-knowledge. This is a problem for people who come in without sufficient self knowledge to know their own desires, wants, and boundaries wrt to love, relationships, sexuality, etc. Someone who wants a relationship to be longer term, monogamous, and with a person with certain character traits but either isn't aware enough to know that is what they want or doesn't know how to articulate it or who just assumes that anyone offering what looks like intimacy is offering exactly that is bound to be hurt when the assumptions turn out to be wrong.
I also think it is a false assumption that a 'secret' HAI workshop is the only method for gaining the types of benefits that people do claim to get from it. The only thing valuable I took away from the workshop was a better understanding of why the techniques they employ are counter-productive in truly developing consent, deep respect for another person, and the ability to safely explore and expand boundaries. There are better, more mature, safer, and more respectful ways to go about it. Indeed, I think think the HAI restrictions (the cult of secrecy) stunts true growth.